November 5, 2013

  • My weird?

    Rituals are important. Large or small, they help us to make order from chaos.

    When asked to name a specific ritual, people usually think of the big ones- weddings, funerals, rites of spring and summer. Yet small rituals are equally important-the daily shower, the weekly meet with friends at the bar, the hour set aside to read or write before bed to calm the mind.

    In the grand scheme of things, I have no power or influence over the equinox, or when the future Mrs Doctor J will enter my life. Yet I can easily create a plan to listen to jazz while I cook dinner, to shut off the tv for an hour before bed, to go to the gym in my building. However, after almost 3 months of general inertia, restarting my own daily routine is a herculean effort

    Do anything long enough and it becomes second nature. Unfortunately, with my constant flitting about, and irregular work schedule, my second nature settled slowly into tv watching as I gradually regressed into an undergraduate again, spending my days in leisure with few to no responsibilities. Nice as it was, in the long run it was terrible for me.

    So here I sit, fighting the very laws of physics with my mind, trying to figure out which puzzle blocks I intend to piece into the new me. What is my weird? Not weird in the sense of strange, but in the old greek sense of the word.

    Before it took on its common meaning, your weird was your destiny. The one thing you were put on this earth that only you, and nobody else can accomplish. It is a fate that can be glorious or tragic, and is destined only for you. You dont have to fulfill your weird, and you may not even knowingly discover it, but if you find and choose to embrace it, you will never lack purpose in your life.

    So as I continue my self revision, I find certain motifs repeatedly cropping up in my life, nagging suspicions that they are part of a greater whole. Am I on the right path? Am I on a path at all? I must be doing something right-I have a job, friends and family who care about me, I’m better off than 90% of the worlds population-yet I dont wake up feeling that incredible sense of fulfillment that some people just cant help but radiate

    Not that I’m depressed or feel my life is meaningless-far from it. I just wonder if I already missed my calling for another, or if it has yet to be presented to me. And if so, how will I recognize it?

    Weird, no?

    -Doctor J

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