After a refreshing dip in the Dead Sea, our intrepid band of adventurers continued their journey onward into the heart, or at least the liver of Jordan. By evening, they had reached the ancient Nabatean City of Petra. The ancients used to live in caves carved into the very hills themselves. Not to be outdone, our adventurers decided to do the very same during their stay


Alright, perhaps they had a little more luxury in their caves than the ancients.

Our first exposure to Petra would be the most mysterious. Led by a bedouin guide down a pitch dark path, it was impossible to tell where we were going, or what was around us, the only sounds to be heard the hushed murmurings of our fellow travelers

After what seemed an impossibly long walk, we were greeted by the hazy glow of candles scattered about the canyon floor, their lights giving a ghostly impression of the surroundings

Following this was our first glimpse of the legendary city

The stygian darkness of most of our surroundings meant we would be exploring no further tonight, so we all made ourselves comfortable among the candles to simply absorb our surroundings


Amidst the pools of light, a mysterious figure appeared within the shadows, the keeper of Petra, to tell us the story of the city. As we listened, we could hear a haunting melody coming from the very cliffs themselves
We returned to our caves and called it a night, for the next day, we would explore in full the rose red city

So Where was I? Ah yes, avoiding certain death trying to return to the bottom of Mt Sinai. And what do we do when we wish to avoid certain death? We phone a friend...namely, god.

This is the church on the very top of Mt Sinai, adjacent to the cave wherein Moses was supposedly given the ten commandments. It is only open twice a year for christmas and I forget.

This is what it looks like inside...neat trick, eh?

This little door leads to the cave where Moses stayed on Mt Sinai

Notice how this adjoining mountain is lacking a proper mountainly point? As the story goes, Moses asked God to reveal himself, and God said, I dont think you're ready for this jelly, and instead struck the top from the mountain to demonstrate his all-mightiness

By the way, for those of you wondering, cell phone reception was FANTASTIC out here. That was also my flashlight and radio for the trip...yay android

I realize that you will not get the appropriate perspective of how steep parts of this climb were...however consider this...those jumbled stones? They are steps. And those tiny little colored blobs at the very top? They are people. And that is merely the last section before reaching the top of the mountain

Of course, that is the price you pay for views like this.

Again, please not the sheer drop to the side of the tour group, and the woman with her donkey going the opposite way. When I climbed the mountain in pitch black coldness, I was not aware exactly how close I was to the edge. This is probably for the better, and the reason I suspect they advertise hiking Mt Sinai as a night activity

This is what the hotels/waystations on the mountain look like. Stone walls with carpets hung everywhere, and a goodly supply of candy bars and coffee. Actually its more comfortable than it looks. Which is why our group spent the night on the cold hard ground on the summit. Comfort is for sissies

The Mt Sinai Taxi Service, for those unable or unwilling to make the climb under their own power

Look! an honest to goodness camel caravan!

Mt Sinai as seen from the bottom. Sinai is apparently a derivation of the Hebrew word for teeth, and the mountain was named because it looked like a range of broken teeth. Not a bad accomplishment to tack onto the 100 list, is it?

And at the foot of the mountain (but not in between its toes) lies the monastery of St Katherine. It is a greek orthodox monastery, supposedly the oldest christian monastery in the world, and named for Catherine of Alexandria, daughter of the governer of Alexandria. Catherine (aka the pure one), who converted to christianity supposedly had the ability of a used car salesman, to convince anyone who spoke with her to convert, whether they sought her out or came to kill her. She was sentenced to be broken upon the wheel, but when that didnt kill her, she was beheaded. Angels then came and flew her body to the top of Mt Sinai. Around the year 800, monks from the Mt Sinai monastery found her remains and renamed the monastery
 
Mt Sinai's monastery holds a number of distinctions, among them most expensive gift shop in all of Egypt. The things the tourists care about however is that it is a holy site to all three major faiths, with written documents of protection from Muhammad (yes, THAT one) and Napolean Bonaparte, the well of Moses, and the legendary burning bush. The library holds the largest collection of codices and manuscripts in the world, second only to the Vatican itself.

This is the room of bones in the monastery, wherein lie all the skulls of the monks who have lived and worked there ages past. It is a reminder to those still there in humility, for when their time comes, they too shall be added to the catacombs with nothing to distinguish them from their forebears. Except the 10 founding monks who get special shelves on the other side.

The famous burning bush, wherein Moses was commanded by God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and into Canaan. So why isnt it on fire? Well, the Hebrew word seneh used in the bible and translated into english as bush more closesly approximates the word brambles. A bush in the desert that is green year round and has no root system is already pretty miraculous, but why is it not on fire?

Well according to the church, the bush itself was never on fire, but when Moses was commanded by God on his mission, Moses was permitted to see the uncreated energies or glories of god, which appeared to consume the bush without actually causing it damage in the same way that Mary became pregnant without her hymen being consumed. That or Moses was tripping on ayahuasca, a hallucinogen native to the area. Believe whatever tickles your fancy

The Burning Bush's brambles are believed to still be able to grant prayers, such that if you are touching one and make a wish, it will come true, provided the wish is not for the harm of another in which case it will double back on you. Being the superstitious fellow that I am, I made a few wishes and just for good measure stopped into the church itself and made a few donations with my prayers as well. Never hurts to cover all your bases, right?

Well, while Moses wandered the desert for 40 years, I dont have that much time, so next time we will be leaving Egypt and continuing on to Jordan to visit the Dead Sea. Will Josh go swimming? Tune in next time to find out!

Have you been getting fidgety stuck in Dahab for several days? Now you know how I felt....in order to liven things up a little, Short Round and I decided to join a biker gang


Ready to set out to terrorize the desert dwellers and admire the beautiful scenery

The Village of Dahab from on high

striking through the mountains en route back to the coast


Short Round loves it when you call him big poppa...

respectful word to your mother...
 

ATV's are awesome...after about 5 minutes on one you are actively steering for bumps and potholed because it is so fun. Eventually we made our way to a hidden oasis

Short Round and I stopped briefly at the Oasis to take shelter from the heat of the day


From there, Short Round and I parted ways for a while, him to go scuba diving at the blue hole, and me to spend the evening hiking the biblically known Mt Sinai...

Returning from the Valley of the Kings, Indiana Josh had but one more stop to make in Luxor before leaving the temples for a much deserved break.

Mighty Karnak, largest ancient religious site in the world.

The row of sphinxes leading to the temple. The reason Karnak is so large is because something like 30 different pharaohs added on to the temple during their reigns.
You see, Ancient Pharaohs tried to build elaborate pyramids, but they got robbed. Then they built elaborate hidden tombs to show their greatness, but they were robbed again. So the only way of keeping up with the joneses (or thoths as the case may be) was to make previous temples even greater during their reign. Ramses II usually won these contests, because he built temples to HIMSELF. That guy was awesome

The sacred lake at karnak. Real holy water! Still no swimming!

The scarab of Amenhotep III. Legend has it if you walk around the scarab 7 times clockwise, you will meet new love, if you are in a relationship and walk 14 times you will soon be engaged/married and if you walk 7 times counterclockwise you will lose the love you had. As soon as I remembered which way clockwise was (curse you digital age!) I increased my chances of finding a lady friend this year...hey, whatever works, right?

A fallen obelisk. Perhaps pointing the way to the Scorpion King? (The Mummy Returns was partially filmed here, pop culture dropouts ;-P)


Because these hieroglyphics were hidden from the light of the sun, they still retain most of their original colors...pretty neat, eh?

Intrepid and only slightly narcissistic adventurer Indiana Josh taking more photos of himself.

Another Stargate entrance!!!

Hypostle Hall with over 122 columns all standing over 10 meters tall...these created enough shade for the common people who gathered in this open air temple to worship Amenra

In the ancient days, the tops of these obelisks would be coated with gold so as the rising or setting sun hit them, they would reflect a glorious light, calling everyone who saw it for prayer. Pretty darn effective

But alas, all good things must come to an end. Ancient Egypt was to be left behind, along with roughly half of our original tour group, whose journey had come full circle. The remainder of us (roughly 16) would be continuing on to a slightly more modern egypt, sans the best tour guide EVAR, Sam

Whom, although he will never read this, I would like to thank for helping to make learning fun!

So for those of you who were all templed out, let's hit the beach and then do some mountain climbing!

Well after several days of running around in 100+ degree heat like a chicken with its head cut off, short round and I were ready to take it easy for a little while. After all, part of every good vacation is not just seeing the sights of the country, but living the life, absorbing the culture. The United States is really missing out on this whole siesta concept.

So when we returned from Abu Simbel, Short Round and I, along with the majority of our tour group immediately hopped on to a felucca to enjoy two days cruising down the Nile.

   

But What is a felucca? It is Egypt's traditional sailboat, in use for over 2000 years. Egypt is blessed with with a predominant southerly wind that pushes sailboats upriver, while allowing them to return on its current downstream. So pile on to Captain Fuzzy's feluccas and spend the next two days relaxing and cruising down the Nile with me

Short Round took to this form of transportation almost immediately.
Some of my shipmates, Ginnie, Duncan, Tricia and Angelo (it was their honeymoon, everyone clap!) By this point in the tour we had all spent a good deal of time with one another, and we all felt comfortable calling one another friend and mocking our fellow tourmates ceaselessly.

We ate together*, simple food as in the ancient days, bread, falafel, goat cheese, and cucucumbers

We played together, we drank together. Above our tour guide Sam, provides us with traditional egyptian music, which apparently consists of drinking until you think you know how to use traditional instruments. I kid, I kid. He never thought he knew how to use it.

We played the drinking game 21, as taught to me by the Wilsons (handy folks to know, aren't they?) It basically consists of everyone going around in a circle counting to 21, and whoever end up on that number creates a new drinking rule. If you forget what number you are on, or dont do the proper rule associated with the number like high fiving instead of saying the number five, or switching the order of the numbers 14 and 4, you take another drink.

This game is much harder than it sounds.


Be warned, in some cases it may lead to donkey rape.

But I guess if it's consensual, it's still okay, right craig?

As evening of the first night approached (I was getting hammered and sleeping on a boat all day, how many pics do you want?) We pulled alongshore not for one of our frequent potty breaks*, but to spend the night eating dinner with some more Nubians in an actual Nubian house. I like the word nubian. nubian nubian nubian.


The rooms have domed ceilings to circulate the air better and cool it, as electricity is not a high priority, and windows would get too hot.
 
Bright colors, and large open courtyards make the place feel just as welcoming as any home in beverly hills
 


Not a bad life, if you can break away from the Matrix for a while.

We spent the night docked on the banks of the Nile, and arose either with the 4:00AM haunting call to prayer, or the 5:00AM sunrise, depending how heavy a sleeper you were

Sunrise illuminates the Nubian Moon
 
And shortly after the rest of the Nile.

Now those of you who follow my travels know I am no stranger to Sunrises. Usually they are from a jungle, or a mountain or even a rooftop. A river sunrise however, is something else entirely. The light on the water, the stillness of the air, the sheer act of just being awake is practically transcendental in and of itself. These meditative nature sojourns are what lets me maintain the maturity of a 5 year old while presenting the professionalism of the 28 years I actually have.


In case you are wondering what these kids are floating on, it is plastic bottles in a garbage bag as in impromptu raft. Recycle, Reduce, Reuse and close the loop!

We began our second day of tacking up and drifting slowly back down the Nile and it went pretty much the same as the first with one or two exceptions* (dont worry, I will explain the asterisk at the end)

However, as an important health safety message kids, always remember to wear sunscreen if you are going to be outdoors for an extended period, or this could happen to you. And I will mock you for it. So will the rest of the tour group.

Cap'n BahBah, Fuzzy's second in command, hard at work steering us slowly down the Nile

Can't you just hear the Gilligan's Island Theme Song?

Lunch on the felucca wasnt always cold food...it's just that the keftas took a little longer to cook

We docked the second night in the late afternoon to play some more frisbee, drink, and swim in the Nile. Well, I didnt swim. Not only do I have well known issues with water creatures attacking me, I know exactly what kind of parasites and bacteria inhabit these waters thanks to my medical education. I stayed safely ensconced away from the watery doom that awaited me in all but one place on earth (ooh! foreshadowing!)

Instead I watched the sunset

And soon after, joined my shipmates in a Nubian Bonfire and sing along

We danced and sang all the songs the Nubians could teach us, then when they ran out, they asked us for suggestions. I am proud to say that I have now taught people in multiple countries the words to Living on a Prayer, and Don't Stop Believing. Better living through 80's music, that's what The Josh is all about people. Give me one beer and the world is my karaoke bar.

The next morning we sailed on to our final port of call, The temples of Kom Ombo and Edfu, en route to Luxor. Our brief respite had come to an end, and it was time to rejoin the helter skelter pace of the modern world.

Do NOT read below this point unless you are used to my stories about human bodily functions!

*So at one point or another, all of us on the tour were brought low by Tutankhamens Revenge, Travelers Diarrhea, or whatever you prefer to call it. I will gladly inform you that one of the less pleasant ways to experience this is trying to run down a narrow gangplank in pitch blackness in the middle of the night while avoiding a pack of feral dogs who think you are trying to play a game while hoping you dont fall into the very hole in the sand you are looking to make a donation to.

Every morning our tour guide, who knew about the sensitive stomachs of us foreigners, would then ask us who in the group was still "farting with confidence" This phrase has now become my favorite way to describe the squirts, and considering the medical field I want to specialize in, I will get to use it often. So you see, we engaged in a fair an equal cultural exchange. I taught the egyptians 80's music, they told me how to politely tell someone you have the shits.