So Where was I? Ah yes, avoiding certain death trying to return to the bottom of Mt Sinai. And what do we do when we wish to avoid certain death? We phone a friend…namely, god.

This is the church on the very top of Mt Sinai, adjacent to the cave wherein Moses was supposedly given the ten commandments. It is only open twice a year for christmas and I forget.

This is what it looks like inside…neat trick, eh?

This little door leads to the cave where Moses stayed on Mt Sinai

Notice how this adjoining mountain is lacking a proper mountainly point? As the story goes, Moses asked God to reveal himself, and God said, I dont think you’re ready for this jelly, and instead struck the top from the mountain to demonstrate his all-mightiness

By the way, for those of you wondering, cell phone reception was FANTASTIC out here. That was also my flashlight and radio for the trip…yay android

I realize that you will not get the appropriate perspective of how steep parts of this climb were…however consider this…those jumbled stones? They are steps. And those tiny little colored blobs at the very top? They are people. And that is merely the last section before reaching the top of the mountain

Of course, that is the price you pay for views like this.

Again, please not the sheer drop to the side of the tour group, and the woman with her donkey going the opposite way. When I climbed the mountain in pitch black coldness, I was not aware exactly how close I was to the edge. This is probably for the better, and the reason I suspect they advertise hiking Mt Sinai as a night activity

This is what the hotels/waystations on the mountain look like. Stone walls with carpets hung everywhere, and a goodly supply of candy bars and coffee. Actually its more comfortable than it looks. Which is why our group spent the night on the cold hard ground on the summit. Comfort is for sissies

The Mt Sinai Taxi Service, for those unable or unwilling to make the climb under their own power

Look! an honest to goodness camel caravan!

Mt Sinai as seen from the bottom. Sinai is apparently a derivation of the Hebrew word for teeth, and the mountain was named because it looked like a range of broken teeth. Not a bad accomplishment to tack onto the 100 list, is it?

And at the foot of the mountain (but not in between its toes) lies the monastery of St Katherine. It is a greek orthodox monastery, supposedly the oldest christian monastery in the world, and named for Catherine of Alexandria, daughter of the governer of Alexandria. Catherine (aka the pure one), who converted to christianity supposedly had the ability of a used car salesman, to convince anyone who spoke with her to convert, whether they sought her out or came to kill her. She was sentenced to be broken upon the wheel, but when that didnt kill her, she was beheaded. Angels then came and flew her body to the top of Mt Sinai. Around the year 800, monks from the Mt Sinai monastery found her remains and renamed the monastery
 
Mt Sinai’s monastery holds a number of distinctions, among them most expensive gift shop in all of Egypt. The things the tourists care about however is that it is a holy site to all three major faiths, with written documents of protection from Muhammad (yes, THAT one) and Napolean Bonaparte, the well of Moses, and the legendary burning bush. The library holds the largest collection of codices and manuscripts in the world, second only to the Vatican itself.

This is the room of bones in the monastery, wherein lie all the skulls of the monks who have lived and worked there ages past. It is a reminder to those still there in humility, for when their time comes, they too shall be added to the catacombs with nothing to distinguish them from their forebears. Except the 10 founding monks who get special shelves on the other side.

The famous burning bush, wherein Moses was commanded by God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and into Canaan. So why isnt it on fire? Well, the Hebrew word seneh used in the bible and translated into english as bush more closesly approximates the word brambles. A bush in the desert that is green year round and has no root system is already pretty miraculous, but why is it not on fire?

Well according to the church, the bush itself was never on fire, but when Moses was commanded by God on his mission, Moses was permitted to see the uncreated energies or glories of god, which appeared to consume the bush without actually causing it damage in the same way that Mary became pregnant without her hymen being consumed. That or Moses was tripping on ayahuasca, a hallucinogen native to the area. Believe whatever tickles your fancy

The Burning Bush’s brambles are believed to still be able to grant prayers, such that if you are touching one and make a wish, it will come true, provided the wish is not for the harm of another in which case it will double back on you. Being the superstitious fellow that I am, I made a few wishes and just for good measure stopped into the church itself and made a few donations with my prayers as well. Never hurts to cover all your bases, right?

Well, while Moses wandered the desert for 40 years, I dont have that much time, so next time we will be leaving Egypt and continuing on to Jordan to visit the Dead Sea. Will Josh go swimming? Tune in next time to find out!

Leaving Dahab late in the evening, our group arrived at Mt Sinai approximately 11pm. We gathered our gear and prepared for the long hike up the pitch black mountain to see sunrise from the summit

This was about the extent of visibility, so I cant share many pictures of the night climb with you, other than to say it was dark, cold, and my trusty cell phone flashlight is much brighter than I give it credit for.
In case you are wondering, that is a camelhair blanket on rock hard dirt adjoining the wall of the monastery at the top of the mountain. I watched several shooting stars and identified several constellations before catching a restful 90 minutes of sleep before sunrise. Just like being on call!

Waiting in the predawn for the arrival of the sun, one of my favorite vacation activities
 
The mountains lit up in the moments before sunrise

See that tiny little path snaking its way around? I climbed that in the dark…it took about 4-5hours. good times

The sun was having a little trouble getting up, so I decided to give it a boost

Thanks be to The Josh, the sun begins another day. good job me!


It is located deep within the human psyche to leave our names as a means of proving our existence. In 1865, the greeks who explored here didnt have spray paint, so they had to carve we wuz here into the stone itself


Good Job me….another mountain summited. This one was a lot harder than Fuji though

More mountain vistas. Why didnt any of these propets ever get visions in holy valleys, or holy suburbs? They always had to go out to the middle of nowhere, it’s enough to drive a man crazy. And on the heights that can be a dangerous thing


Dont panic! I know it looks like I am jumping from the mountainside, but in actuality, I can fly, so I am in no real danger

If I had known this cave was here when I arrived on the mountain top, I assure you i would have spent the night there

People of the lord, I bring you these 15…

erm, these TEN COMMANDMENTS.

Well, I have shown you sunrise on the mountain, maybe we should start to head down before it gets too hot. But be careful!

To even reach this sign, I had to climb into several areas I probably should not have been. On the way down the mountain, our guide regaled us with tales of all the people who had died climbing the mountain, particularly in the dark, where you cant see the sheer drop offs and one misstep or wrong turn can spell your end.

Awesome.

til next time…

Have you been getting fidgety stuck in Dahab for several days? Now you know how I felt….in order to liven things up a little, Short Round and I decided to join a biker gang


Ready to set out to terrorize the desert dwellers and admire the beautiful scenery

The Village of Dahab from on high

striking through the mountains en route back to the coast


Short Round loves it when you call him big poppa…

respectful word to your mother…
 

ATV’s are awesome…after about 5 minutes on one you are actively steering for bumps and potholed because it is so fun. Eventually we made our way to a hidden oasis

Short Round and I stopped briefly at the Oasis to take shelter from the heat of the day

From there, Short Round and I parted ways for a while, him to go scuba diving at the blue hole, and me to spend the evening hiking the biblically known Mt Sinai…

After the sweltering 115 degree heat (in the SHADE!) of Luxor, it was time to head up the coast and kick back for a few days by the Read Sea. So Short Round and I hopped into the transport for an 18 hour overnight ride to Dahab, city by the sea.

Delicious and totally not copyright infringement

*cue music*


Come with me to a land in a faraway place

Where the caravan camels roam


Where they cut off your ear if they dont like your face, it’s barbaric, but hey, let’s go!

Dahab is famous mostly for it’s diving, seafood, and proximity to Mt Sinai. But more on that last one later. Each morning, we had to catch the hotel shuttle to the town, or call for a cab, as we were about too far away to walk there


Dahab is a tourist resort town, and outside the tourist areas, this is how most people live. On the whole, they seem to be doing rather well for themselves, as Dahab is usually a chilly 90 degrees with its proximity to the water
  
When the winds from the east and the sun’s from the west and the sand in the glass is right…

c’mon down,

stop on by,

hop a carpet and fly, to another arabian niiiiggggghttttt


Fresh caught fish from that morning…guess they are no longer “under the sea!”

Mezes, or appetizer, a series of salads to whet your appetite before the meal

Some Shrimp, red and white snapper, and a bunch of grilled veggies were our fresh caught dinner

Short Round could barely contain himself

Next time: ATV’s and ninjas!

Returning from the Valley of the Kings, Indiana Josh had but one more stop to make in Luxor before leaving the temples for a much deserved break.

Mighty Karnak, largest ancient religious site in the world.

The row of sphinxes leading to the temple. The reason Karnak is so large is because something like 30 different pharaohs added on to the temple during their reigns.
You see, Ancient Pharaohs tried to build elaborate pyramids, but they got robbed. Then they built elaborate hidden tombs to show their greatness, but they were robbed again. So the only way of keeping up with the joneses (or thoths as the case may be) was to make previous temples even greater during their reign. Ramses II usually won these contests, because he built temples to HIMSELF. That guy was awesome

The sacred lake at karnak. Real holy water! Still no swimming!

The scarab of Amenhotep III. Legend has it if you walk around the scarab 7 times clockwise, you will meet new love, if you are in a relationship and walk 14 times you will soon be engaged/married and if you walk 7 times counterclockwise you will lose the love you had. As soon as I remembered which way clockwise was (curse you digital age!) I increased my chances of finding a lady friend this year…hey, whatever works, right?

A fallen obelisk. Perhaps pointing the way to the Scorpion King? (The Mummy Returns was partially filmed here, pop culture dropouts ;-P)

Because these hieroglyphics were hidden from the light of the sun, they still retain most of their original colors…pretty neat, eh?

Intrepid and only slightly narcissistic adventurer Indiana Josh taking more photos of himself.

Another Stargate entrance!!!

Hypostle Hall with over 122 columns all standing over 10 meters tall…these created enough shade for the common people who gathered in this open air temple to worship Amenra

In the ancient days, the tops of these obelisks would be coated with gold so as the rising or setting sun hit them, they would reflect a glorious light, calling everyone who saw it for prayer. Pretty darn effective

But alas, all good things must come to an end. Ancient Egypt was to be left behind, along with roughly half of our original tour group, whose journey had come full circle. The remainder of us (roughly 16) would be continuing on to a slightly more modern egypt, sans the best tour guide EVAR, Sam

Whom, although he will never read this, I would like to thank for helping to make learning fun!

So for those of you who were all templed out, let’s hit the beach and then do some mountain climbing!

After two days of concentrated laziness, it was time to crawl up from the banks of the Nile and back into the searing desert heat, resuming our journey northward to Luxor, and stopping in at two more temples along the way. First up, the medical temple of Kom Ombo


Why do I call it the medical temple? Well, because the inscriptions carved into all the walls list the medical knowledge at the time.

Knowledge like the best position to give birth

Or the prescription for Egyptian Viagra…

Does Your Staff of Ra rise up to greet the morning sun? Will I ever get tired of naughty hieroglyphs? If you answered yes to either of these questions, read on to find out who to thank!
 
This is Imhotep ^

Not to be confused with the archnemesis of Rick O Connell and beloved of Anuk sun amun

Imhotep was the first physician of recorded history. He is credited with being the author of a medical treatise remarkable for being devoid of magical thinking, the Edwin Smith Papryus, which contains anatomical observations, ailments and cures. He was the Chief adviser of Djoser, not to mention his chief architect, administrator and priest. He designed the step pyramid we saw at saqqara. 
Prior to Djosers step pyramid, as I mentioned, Pharohs tombs were just simple mounds, more like cairns than anything else. While the actual site of Imhotep’s tomb is unknown, it is believed to be secreted somewhere on the grounds of Saqqara.

Imhotep was so well known to the people of the time, he was posthumously elevated to deity status and believed to be a son of Thoth (above). He was later linked to Asclepius, the father of medicine from Greek History, and even his name became the means of addressing physicians. That is to say, I would be known as Josh Imhotep, aka Dr J.
 
Not bad for a peasant, eh? Of course, the fact that I was still somewhat ill from the night before, and not yet “farting with confidence” lessened my enjoyment somewhat. Nonetheless this was the most personally significant temple to me. It even had rooms built into the back that were set up like hospitals! You know, stone bed, chamber pot, view of reception area…good times.

Next up was Edfu temple

Dedicated to the wife of Horus, Hathor (pronounced hat-whore) Edfu was equally stunning in that most of the grounds have survived without falling into ruins or losing key sections like most of the other egyptian temples

In fact, it seems to be curiously well preserved…

Almost as if something of great importance was buried here…

A hole to the stars? Hmmm, and what is that passage over there?

Could I have found it?

Yes! The entry to the stargate! Okay, check off another hidden mystery taken care of by Indiana Josh. Now I just need to track down that pesky holy grail. Ah well, I am sure it will turn up.

Next stop, Luxor! Home to Egypts Greatest open air museum!

Well after several days of running around in 100+ degree heat like a chicken with its head cut off, short round and I were ready to take it easy for a little while. After all, part of every good vacation is not just seeing the sights of the country, but living the life, absorbing the culture. The United States is really missing out on this whole siesta concept.

So when we returned from Abu Simbel, Short Round and I, along with the majority of our tour group immediately hopped on to a felucca to enjoy two days cruising down the Nile.

   

But What is a felucca? It is Egypt’s traditional sailboat, in use for over 2000 years. Egypt is blessed with with a predominant southerly wind that pushes sailboats upriver, while allowing them to return on its current downstream. So pile on to Captain Fuzzy’s feluccas and spend the next two days relaxing and cruising down the Nile with me

Short Round took to this form of transportation almost immediately.
Some of my shipmates, Ginnie, Duncan, Tricia and Angelo (it was their honeymoon, everyone clap!) By this point in the tour we had all spent a good deal of time with one another, and we all felt comfortable calling one another friend and mocking our fellow tourmates ceaselessly.

We ate together*, simple food as in the ancient days, bread, falafel, goat cheese, and cucucumbers

We played together, we drank together. Above our tour guide Sam, provides us with traditional egyptian music, which apparently consists of drinking until you think you know how to use traditional instruments. I kid, I kid. He never thought he knew how to use it.

We played the drinking game 21, as taught to me by the Wilsons (handy folks to know, aren’t they?) It basically consists of everyone going around in a circle counting to 21, and whoever end up on that number creates a new drinking rule. If you forget what number you are on, or dont do the proper rule associated with the number like high fiving instead of saying the number five, or switching the order of the numbers 14 and 4, you take another drink.

This game is much harder than it sounds.

Be warned, in some cases it may lead to donkey rape.

But I guess if it’s consensual, it’s still okay, right craig?

As evening of the first night approached (I was getting hammered and sleeping on a boat all day, how many pics do you want?) We pulled alongshore not for one of our frequent potty breaks*, but to spend the night eating dinner with some more Nubians in an actual Nubian house. I like the word nubian. nubian nubian nubian.

The rooms have domed ceilings to circulate the air better and cool it, as electricity is not a high priority, and windows would get too hot.
 
Bright colors, and large open courtyards make the place feel just as welcoming as any home in beverly hills
 

Not a bad life, if you can break away from the Matrix for a while.

We spent the night docked on the banks of the Nile, and arose either with the 4:00AM haunting call to prayer, or the 5:00AM sunrise, depending how heavy a sleeper you were

Sunrise illuminates the Nubian Moon
 
And shortly after the rest of the Nile.

Now those of you who follow my travels know I am no stranger to Sunrises. Usually they are from a jungle, or a mountain or even a rooftop. A river sunrise however, is something else entirely. The light on the water, the stillness of the air, the sheer act of just being awake is practically transcendental in and of itself. These meditative nature sojourns are what lets me maintain the maturity of a 5 year old while presenting the professionalism of the 28 years I actually have.


In case you are wondering what these kids are floating on, it is plastic bottles in a garbage bag as in impromptu raft. Recycle, Reduce, Reuse and close the loop!

We began our second day of tacking up and drifting slowly back down the Nile and it went pretty much the same as the first with one or two exceptions* (dont worry, I will explain the asterisk at the end)

However, as an important health safety message kids, always remember to wear sunscreen if you are going to be outdoors for an extended period, or this could happen to you. And I will mock you for it. So will the rest of the tour group.

Cap’n BahBah, Fuzzy’s second in command, hard at work steering us slowly down the Nile

Can’t you just hear the Gilligan’s Island Theme Song?

Lunch on the felucca wasnt always cold food…it’s just that the keftas took a little longer to cook

We docked the second night in the late afternoon to play some more frisbee, drink, and swim in the Nile. Well, I didnt swim. Not only do I have well known issues with water creatures attacking me, I know exactly what kind of parasites and bacteria inhabit these waters thanks to my medical education. I stayed safely ensconced away from the watery doom that awaited me in all but one place on earth (ooh! foreshadowing!)

Instead I watched the sunset

And soon after, joined my shipmates in a Nubian Bonfire and sing along

We danced and sang all the songs the Nubians could teach us, then when they ran out, they asked us for suggestions. I am proud to say that I have now taught people in multiple countries the words to Living on a Prayer, and Don’t Stop Believing. Better living through 80′s music, that’s what The Josh is all about people. Give me one beer and the world is my karaoke bar.

The next morning we sailed on to our final port of call, The temples of Kom Ombo and Edfu, en route to Luxor. Our brief respite had come to an end, and it was time to rejoin the helter skelter pace of the modern world.

Do NOT read below this point unless you are used to my stories about human bodily functions!

*So at one point or another, all of us on the tour were brought low by Tutankhamens Revenge, Travelers Diarrhea, or whatever you prefer to call it. I will gladly inform you that one of the less pleasant ways to experience this is trying to run down a narrow gangplank in pitch blackness in the middle of the night while avoiding a pack of feral dogs who think you are trying to play a game while hoping you dont fall into the very hole in the sand you are looking to make a donation to.

Every morning our tour guide, who knew about the sensitive stomachs of us foreigners, would then ask us who in the group was still “farting with confidence” This phrase has now become my favorite way to describe the squirts, and considering the medical field I want to specialize in, I will get to use it often. So you see, we engaged in a fair an equal cultural exchange. I taught the egyptians 80′s music, they told me how to politely tell someone you have the shits.

The next morning dawned bright and early…quite early, around 4am local time on what was only day 3 of the vacation. This was because we had to book it down to the airport to fly from Egypt’s southernmost city Aswan, 40 minutes into the middle of the desert at Abu Simbel.

Domestic Flights in Egypt leave something to be desired. The following video ought to paint you a rather accurate portrait:

I was seated in the smoking section of the plane as seen by my ticket

In fact two of the members of our tour group were pilots in their normal everyday lives and the fact that both were hyperventilating and overall nervous during the entire flight did not sit well with the rest of the group. That said we made it in one piece, so I guess everything worked out…

I even got to exit from the BACK OF THE PLANE! How awesome is that?

But you dont log in to read about Indiana Josh’s plane adventures, no sirree. You come here for excitement and a glimpse into the past…

Mighty abu simbel was built specifically in the middle of nowhere by Ramses II

This guy was a dude’s dude. Prior to him, Pharaohs were considered to be descended from the gods. Well Ramses II was having none of that. He declared himself not a reincarnation or avatar, but an actual living god. And to prove it he did things like build giant temples out in the middle of the desert just because he could



There are a total of 4 statues of Ramses and each one is slightly different from the next as they represent him as a young man aging into maturity as a pharaoh. The tinier figures near his knees are his wives and children, since they are not as important they dont get to be as big.

How many wives? 49. I am reminded of the saying…bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same


SO before short round and I explore further, let me fill you in on some of the facts that make this temple so cool:
1. It was constructed in such a way that the light would shine through the temple into the inner sanctum illuminating 3 of the 4 gods (excluding the god of the underworld) on only 2 days…the pharaohs birthday and his coronation. For better pictures of this, please go to fushmush.net the site of two of my travel companions and newest friends, the wilsons (they taught me how to throw a frisbee FOREHAND)

2. The temple was carved in one whole piece straight out of the side of a mountain. That is hardcore right there.
3. Just like Philae, the damming of the nile and creation of lake aswan meant that the entire temple, mountain and all had to be dismantled, picked up and moved piece by piece to its current location so as not to be underwater. This movement meant the temple is now illuminated 2 days off its original schedule and only 2 of the statues light up on those days instead of the three correct ones.

You may be wondering then, why abu simbel wasnt considered a wonder of the world? Well because it was in the middle of the desert, no one knew it was there except for some dutch/swedish/random european explorer who came out of the desert babbling to the natives about a giant temple carved into a mountain 40 miles away from any civilization…crazy much, they thought?

But I digress…let me grab the key of life and enter the temple of Abu SImbel!


Boy the line to get in here sure is long

You must be this tall to enter the temple. No pregnant women, smoking, or camels allowed inside. If you have a heart condition, we will gladly remove it for you, along with any other excess internal organs so that they might be sacrificed to the all powerful amun ra and ramses ~the Mgmt

This is the great entry hall of Abu Simbel…the entire temple is decorated with frescoes and hieroglyphics depicting triumphs of Ramses II. It is also the only pic you are allowed to take of the inside of the temple, or else you once again risk fines/jail time.

Really people, if you cant figure out where this is going by now, I dont know why you even bother coming here:


Josh’s Jail Avoidance Count: 3
After exiting the temple I took a closer look at the adjoing temple, dedicated to the 23rd of 49 wives, but the number one in his heart (awww) Nefertiti


It was a nice temple, but not too much to write home about after seeing the majesty of Abu Simbel
Now while you may have seen a number of the pics above (at least I hope so, or what are you doing all the way down here!) It is hard to accurately convey the scale of how grand these structures are. Luckily I devised the most mature method of doing this for you

WET WILLY!

So at the end of the day, just what was it like to be a God?

…the world may never know

Although I enjoyed my Dam tour, you can only stand on a wall for so long before you start thinking of jumpin, so it was off to the next destination. I mentioned earlier that Aswan High Dam resulted in the man made lake Nasser. Well, one side effect of this lake and the river it diverted was that a number of people and monuments had to be displaced as well, lest the redirected river swallow them up forever like Sobek, the crocodile god of justice.

One of these temples that was shifted over just a scooch was Philae Temple. Lets take a ride there, shall we?


Looking at it, you would never know the entire temple was relocated piece by piece to avoid being drowned by the rising waters of the man altered waterways. It still retains it’s sense of worth, the power that it never fully gave away

And although i remain impressed with the temples and the architecture and history they encompass, I have lost a little bit of the awe for egyptologists. I always though deciphering hieroglyphics would be nigh impossible due to their fading with age, dusty remants that archaeologists had to half guess to complete before they could translate. But you know what?

clear as freaking day. Totally unintelligible to anyone who doesnt know ancient egyptian though…except for maybe this symbol here…

something about summoning back a…

JOSHUA! DO NOT READ FROM THE BOOK OF THE DEAD!

right right, sorry i keep forgetting.

BWAHAHAHAHA I SUMMON THEE IMHOTEP!
nothing? weird, maybe I mispronounced that little falcon or something…

Looks pretty cool, right? But if you examine some of these so called “hieroglyphs” a little closer you find instead…

THAT’S RIGHT! PORN! Ancient egyptian naughty pics of Isis and Osiris. Still dont believe me? take a closer look at where Osiris is placing is hand, the randy devil.
Then again this was a temple to Isis, the goddess of fertility and such, so maybe she gets that a lot, who am I to judge. I leave judging to the christians that secretly converted this temple to a church at some later point in history



looks like a great resting place for a grail, doesnt it? However, no such luck. I will have to add the holy grail to the list of things I will search for along with the stargate and a way to attain unlimited power over the undead.

because only an adventurer so scholarly…

So determined…

so willing to brave the ridiculous…

and of course his trusty sidekick

could achieve so lofty a goal such as these.

So lets head off the island…

hmmm…wasnt there a boat somewhere here?

oh drat, pirates got it. Guess we will have to take another. But all that adventuring has made me famished…So short round and I took our appetites over to another island where we dined with some Nubians, a tribe of people integrated into egypt but a tad darker of skin than your standard egyptian. Nubians keep to a very loose time schedule…when things happen, they happen…it’s a simple life, but a relaxed one.

good food

good music

dancing like spinning tops, not a bad life at all. During dinner, nubian eyes were watching short round, and he even made a friend

and much to his chagrin (and my not so secret delight) Short round was once again dragged up onstage against his will by the natives to dance with them

Heyyyyyy, nubian macarena!

Bellies filled, we took another boat back to our hotel, for the next morning we would be temporarily leaving civilization to fly out to a grand temple in the desert. For which we would need snacks

okay, now we rest til tomorrow when you will see the wonders of…

Oh really, you didnt think I was gonna spoil the surprise did you?

With the heat of the day causing the air to shimmer like a mirage before my eyes, I took one final look at the pyramids


Then like so many others before me, I turned my back on the past and continued forward…into the further past. Turns out I am really bad at time travel.

The next stop was Saqqara just south of Cairo/Giza. Upon seeing the entrance, I held out much more hope of finding the stargate


In fact, I am pretty sure I even saw Anubis looking over my shoulder at one point

nah, couldn’t be.

Saqqara is home to the step pyramid. You see, the ancient Egyptians didnt instantly seize upon the current pyramidal shape as perfect (though years of practice taught them a 52 degree angle is the most stable which is why the pyramids have survived multiple earthquakes to the current day)

No, they used trial and error to learn the ideal shape in which to house their pharaohs.

This was the incarnation immediately before the one we are familiar with. Before this existed came the bent pyramid and the square pyramid.

Nor did the pyramid exist by itself. Instead it was surrounded by a funerary complex, which would include the burial of the architect, tombs of favored servants and even temples

But I must remind you when visiting temples in Egypt you MUST NOT READ FROM THE BOOK OF THE DEAD

And wouldnt you know it just as I was trying to escape from the temple of DOOM, I ran into my perpetual conscience in the hall of the dead

I secured myself in a hiding place

while short round demonstrated his Air Jordan pose because we know the audience eats this stuff up

The funerary complexes and burial grounds were all situated in a similar way. Sites for tombs would be in a place elevated with respect to the Nile, so yearly floods would not erode or destroy the tombs. The sun set (died) in the west, so they would always be placed to the west, and hot dry areas were picked so as to better preserve the bodies and buildings. The dichotomy between where people lived and where they buried their dead is pretty impressive, but since I dont want to spend a thousand words telling you, I will just show you this

Didnt expect that much green in a desert didja? Anyway, it was off to a local restaurant for dinner and nostalgia…have an extra helping of each, on me!

next stop was an overnight train to Aswan, the southernmost city in Egypt. I spent most of the night getting to know my fellow tour group, mostly through copious amounts of alcohol consumption on the train and the infamous “cat head” story. Ask me about it sometime.

Aswan is less developed than cairo and most people still live a fairly simple day to day life…though normal things like a trip to the butcher are not quite what you may be used to

On the whole though, Aswan is famous for a couple of things

1. The stupidly ridiculous heat: As the southernmost city closest to the equator it gets hot. Also, there was a heatwave while we were there 47 celsius, 117 farenheit. In the shade. of which there wasnt much.
2. Spices. I had a chefgasm.


I mean sure it’s no spice house in chicago, but all the colors! and varieties! w00t!

3. The Aswan High Dam: resulting in the largest man made lake (lake Nasser) the Aswan high dam not only provides power to just about every corner of Egypt, but also to several neighboring middle eastern and african countries. Now that is dam powerful (get it?)

This however is the only picture I could take because the men with guns get edgy if you start snapping photos all over the place, and then they take your camera and go have a nice talk with you.

For those of you keeping count, this would be 2 times I could have ended up in an egyptian prison. How many more do you think there will be?

Luckily the soldier was in a friendly mood, so I got to take a bonus picture of the friendship monument. The name is pretty much all I remember about it, but it looked nice…

Next time, it’s back to the temples and a taste of ancient egyptian life on the Nile…