Hello Again, internet.

It’s been quite some time since I checked in here, and even longer since I put up a travel post. So, in brief: I am finally out of my residency and in the midst of a job search. More posts on that when I have something worth reporting. In the meantime, I am going to focus on finishing up the Scotland Posts, and enjoying time with the new ladyfriend. Free of my residency at last, everything is coming up milhouse!

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Years and Years of books and films about Scotland have taught me one thing; namely, no trip to Scotland is complete without a visit to the highlands, for in the end, there can be only one

 

so off Brian and I set for the home of William Wallace and the highlanders, with a brief stop along the way to visit one of the most well known residents of the highlands

Hamish, the Hairy Coo, the most photographed animal in all of Scotland

Friendly. Powerful. Dopey. These are all descriptions that immediately leap to mind at the site of these gentle, goofy beasts

Hamish is a single dad, with his two calves, Hamish Jr and I forget.

A couple veggies are all it takes to get their undivided attention

But we had to bid a fond farewell to Hamish and his fold as we set off for the deep highlands, where along the way we hoped to catch a glimpse of the Hogwarts express coming back from summer break

Sadly, either the express was not running, or the train was not visible to our muggle eyes

The highlands are covered in bogs, peath and heather. They are Magnificent, marvelous…

And incredibly, freaking cold. These mountains create hardy folk, and being a bit of a mountain person myself, I can vouch that you do not want to mess with anyone who grew up in these hills

On rainy days, this river turns into a raging torrent that weeps for the slaughter carried out on the highlanders by the british king Longshanks

however, even the greatest sorrow must eventually heal, and even the worst weather will pass

and without rain, there would be no rainbows

As the fog lifted briefly, we journey deeper into the highlands and deeper into mystery, to begin our search for one of the most infamous lost legends still around

The waters of the local lochs began to darken, obscuring what may lie beneath. This region is no place to go unprotected

so we paid homage to the fighting men of the green berets

They trained in the highlands, some of the harshest conditions imaginable to survive in

hope and blessings restored we continued on to the little town of Ness

locks at the loch enable ferries, and perhaps other things to travel uphill and upriver

The sun briefly came out, but the fog quickly rolled back in. A mysterious and enchanted place this was

The townsfolk pay tribute to their patron

The black waters of Loch Ness are 21.8 square miles across and 230m (755 ft) deep, deeper than the height of London’s BT tower

It contains more fresh water than all the lakes in England and Wales combined and the low visibility of the water is due to the high peat content

seriously. freezing.

Scanning every inch from bow to stern, looking deep within the murkey waters, our eyes strained for a glimpse of the fabled monster

 

The earliest report of a monster associated with the vicinity of Loch Ness appears in the Life of St. Columba by Adomnán, written in the 7th century.According to Adomnán, writing about a century after the events he described, the Irish monk Saint Columba was staying in the land of the Picts with his companions when he came across the locals burying a man by the River Ness. They explained that the man had been swimming the river when he was attacked by a “water beast” that had mauled him and dragged him under. They tried to rescue him in a boat, but were able only to drag up his corpse. Hearing this, Columba stunned the Picts by sending his follower Luigne moccu Min to swim across the river. The beast came after him, but Columba made the sign of the cross and commanded: “Go no further. Do not touch the man. Go back at once

A brief glimpse of the monster confirmed its existence, and though we gave chase, it slipped away in the storm. So Brian and I had no choice but to turn back, wondering if any would believe our tale. It mattered not however; we knew the truth. So we climbed back on our bus and returned to Edinburgh from the highlands

and watched as the sun set on another adventure filled day.

Just in time for Halloween, we bring you our own tale of horror and madness.

Brian and I are fans of being frightened, psyched in the supernatural, titillated by the terrifying. And thus, upon learning that Ireland and Scotland are some of the most haunted countries in all of Europe, booked us up a number of ghost tours. There was the ghostdigger bus our first night in DUblin, with brief stops at kilmainham gaol, and gravediggers pub. Then there was a haunted walking tour.

Brian and I wanted to visit the Ireland location of the Hellfire club (of X-men fame for you nerds out there), a hunting lodge of high society hooligans who would perpetrate terrible dark crimes against the populace far from the watching eyes of the city. Yet the tour guides canceled the planned outing, due to a lack of interest and numbers (the two of us being the only parties). As a sop, they offered a free haunted walking tour of the city which, while equally fascinating and recommended, was not what we wanted.

Using my newly accquired gift of gab from the Blarney stone outing, I convinced the tour company to allow us to do the tour if we could find at least two more people to make it worth the companies time to run this tour. And so, armed with only our wits, charm, and a touch of chloroform, my brother and I set out to find two companions to talk nto a horror tour on the outskirts of town. 

…And we actually did it! We found two interesting girls who had never heard of this tour but wanted to check it out. So we contacted the company and made the arrangements. Only to learn the next day, the private tour arranged for us was conditional on us still havng a rental car, as no transportation was available from the company on short notice. 

We then managed to convince a taxi to hire himself privately for the night, the girls to help offset the extra cost, and the tour guide to take us all up. In summary, Brian and I managed to use our Blarney stone blessing to defeat obstacles at every step of the way and make this haunted tour happen. That, my friends, is the power of positive thinking.

And after all that, there it is. The Hellfire club

Originally there was a cairn with a prehistoric passage grave on the summit. Stones from the cairn were taken and used in the construction of Mount Pelier lodge. Shortly after completion, a storm blew the roof off. Local superstition attributed this incident to the work of the Devil, a punishment for interfering with the cairn. Since this time, Montpelier Hill has become associated with numerous paranormal events.

This reputation was further enhanced when members of the Irish Hell Fire Club, which was active in the years 1735 to 1741, began using Mount Pelier lodge as a meeting place. Numerous lurid stories of wild behaviour and debauchery as well as occult practices and demonic manifestations have become part of the local folklore. The original name of the lodge has been displaced and the building is generally known as the Hell Fire Club. When the lodge was damaged by fire, the members of the Hell Fire Club relocated down the hill to the nearby Stewards House for a brief period. This building also has a reputation for being haunted, most notably by a massive black cat

This is the sacrificial stone, upon which on several previous occasions have been found various dead animals and assorted animal parts. No such happenings on this evenings however

…Somebody always draws a dick

While exploring the house, we heard a mysterious voice coming from another part of the lodge, inviting our group to come check out something neat. Heading upstairs, we encountered a young man claiming to be a psychic, attuned to the various multitude of spirits living inside the house. He brought out his amethyst, summoned up a local ghost and we began to play a very creepy game of 20 questions

We made contact with one of the local serving women who had been murdered in the house by fire. Speaking with her made the room icy, the air oppresive, and the psychic overwhelmed. He had to step away, and into another room where we came into contact with a much more malicious spirit.

With full night setting in, our psychic on edge, and the mood getting creepier by the moment, we decided to take our leave of the house and its hauntings before something more powerful than a crystal shaking poltergeist could manifest

But did we catch any orbs in the corner? lurking ghosts watching their prey escape?

Old cigarettes, or human remains…?

As we slowly walked away from the house on silent hill, we could feel our spirits growing lighter. Though we hadnt seen any objective evidence of the undead, we had clearly felt something amiss at the house on haunted hill, and we retired to the oldest pub in dublin, the Brazen Head, to talk through the experiences we had had along the way

Incidentally, if you are ever in Dublin and looking for a scare, check out http://www.hiddendublinwalks.com/hellfire-club-gallery.php hidden dublin walks. They offer about 5 or 6 haunted tours, all of which we went on, all of which are excellent, and the staff bent over backwards to help us get the most out of the experience.

Happy Hauntings!

-J

Apologies for the long delay in posting from India/Nepal, but I have just returned from a Singapore/Malaysia/Miami Trip with my remaining vacation time from the year. So lets get cracking as we have a lot of ground left to cover

When last we left our intrepid adventurers, we had just completed an evening fire aarti in the city of Benares aka Varanasi, on the banks of the holy ganges river. The following morning, we returned to the same river, setting off at sunrise to view one of the more interesting morning commutes

Alongside every part of the riverbank are stone ghats, or docks leading down to the rivers edge for people to conduct their daily ablutions and/or business

Apparently a submarine washed up near this crematorium…when they say six feet under, they arent kidding!

Indiana Josh and the sunken temple?

Quite the busy day, no? And yet, on the other side of the river, the land remains relatively untouched

Of course, once the sun is up, people have things to do, like bathe

Or catch up on the latest gossip

or even do laundry!

After that, our guide informed us that ALL the water in Varanasi comes from the ganges river. The water we drink, bathe in, etc is all (hopefully!) purified from the river in which people are taking their morning dunks, cleaning their clothes, and disposing of their dead bodies. We are all holier and slightly smellier for the experience

Following our morning boat ride, Dr Han decided we should set off through the streets of the city to explore them by day

good thinking, Doc!

Of course, Short Round remained on the lookout for any more dangerous monkeys

At such an early Hour the streets were still mostly deserted, but things picked up as the day progressed, and we visited Indias largest university!

Hahaha, boo-b .com, institute of higher learning!

We also learned about the fine art of weaving, both by hand loom as seen on the right, and machine looms. Sadly due to the time intensive requirements of this job, very few people have the skill or inclination to learn how to make cloths and tapestries from silver thread such as those seen on the right anymore

Next and final stop in India was the Mother India Temple, a 3 dimensional topographical map of the subcontinent

and yet, no you are here locator

Despite That, here we are!

Along with a potential replacement for my longstanding Zoidberg Avatar, Dr Geeko!

With that, we bid adieu to both India and Dr Han, as he had patients to return to, and we had one more country to tackle before returning home.

Next Stop, Nepal, home to Everest, more temples, and Parahawking

Where was I? Ah Yes, the magical mystical fire aarti of varanasi

Aarti is generally performed one to five times daily, and usually at the end of a bhajan session. It is performed during almost all Hindu ceremonies and occasions. It involves the circulating of an ‘Aarti plate’ or ‘Aarti lamp’ around a person or deity and is generally accompanied by the singing of songs in praise of that deva or person (many versions exist). In doing so, the plate or lamp is supposed to acquire the power of the deity. The priest circulates the plate or lamp to all those present. They cup their down-turned hands over the flame and then raise their palms to their forehead – the purificatory blessing, passed from the deva’s image to the flame, has now been passed to the devotee

Aarti is said to have descended from the Vedic concept of fire rituals, or homa. In the traditional aarti ceremony, the flower represents the earth (solidity), the water and accompanying handkerchief correspond with the water element (liquidity), the lamp or candle represents the fire component (heat), the peacock fan conveys the precious quality of air (movement), and the yak-tail fan represents the subtle form of ether (space). The incense represents a purified state of mind, and one’s “intelligence” is offered through the adherence to rules of timing and order of offerings. Thus, one’s entire existence and all facets of material creation are symbolically offered to the Lord via the aarti ceremony

When aarti is performed, the performer faces the deity of God (or divine element, e.g. Ganges river) and concentrates on the form of God by looking into the eyes of the deity to get immersed. The flame of the aarti illuminates the various parts of the deity so that the performer and onlookers may better see and concentrate on the form. Aarti is waved in circular fashion, in clockwise manner around the deity. After every circle when Aarti has reached the bottom (6-8 o’ clock position), the performer waves it backwards while remaining in the bottom (4-6 o’ clock position) and then continues waving it in clockwise fashion. The idea here is that aarti represents our daily activities, which revolves around God, a center of our life. Looking at God while performing aarti reminds the performer (and the attendees of the aarti) to keep God at the center of all activities and reinforces the understanding that routine worldly activities are secondary in importance

Apart from worldly activities aarti also represents one’s self – thus, aarti signifies that one is peripheral to Godhead or divinity. This would keep one’s ego down and help one remain humble in spite of high social and economic rank. A third commonly held understanding of the ritual is that aarti serves as a reminder to stay vigilant so that the forces of material pleasures and desires cannot overcome the individual. Just as the lighted wick provides light and chases away darkness, the vigilance of an individual can keep away the influence of the material world.

The Multiple priests/performers in the videos above are students at the religious college in Varanasi, and performing these rituals is both a community service and an exam. Throughout the performance tourists and pilgrims offer up our own small aartis or prayers, setting adrift small bowls of flowers, ghee, and the other components of aarti on floating baskets in the ganga river

The site of all those prayers being set afloat nightly is truly something magical to behold

After the ceremony, we opted to wander the streets of Varanasi a bit. Another name for the city is Benares, city of knowledge. We garnered much knowledge on our walk

We learned that the streets are hella crowded…no seriously

Just crossing the street you take your life in your hands

 And because it was so thrilling the first time, we decided to tempt fate and go back for one more round of knowledge and danger

 Having successfully tempted fate twice, we just wandered the market in search of more knowledge

like child mannequins are terrifying with their soulless eyes

And to Beware the Aquatic Association…but more on that next time in the final Varanasi, and final India post before we lose Dr Han and trek onward to Nepal

When last we left our heroes, they were just setting off on a midnight train to anywhere   Georgia Varanasi, city of KNowledge. We arrived safely and met our guide for the area, who was the Indian Version of Bernie Mac. He was also chock full of information about the city

The name Varanasi has its origin from the names of the two rivers Varuna and Assi, for the old city lies in the north shores of the Ganges bounded by its two tributaries, the Varuna and the Assi. It is A city renowned in India for its learning, philosophy and music.

Also its hordes of zombies begging children  and rampant poverty.

Our first stop was actually a side trip to Sarnath. Sarnath, from Saranganath, means “Lord of the Deer” and relates to an old Buddhist story in which the Bodhisattva is a deer and offers his life to a king instead of the doe the latter is planning to kill. The king is so moved that he creates the park as a sanctuary for deer. The park is still there today.

It is also the site where Buddha gave his first sermon after becoming enlightened. As if that was not impressive enough to mark this as a place of historical and religious significance, Buddha remained here through the rainy season and founded an entire college

This and more are the remains of living quarters, classrooms, and meditative temples where for hundreds of years Buddhist monks came to learnt he dharma and train under the guidance of either Buddha himself or one of his 5 disciples

The Dhamek Stupa, pictured above is built over the exact site where Buddha was said to have given his first sermon, the eightfold path of nirvana. Stupas are built to commerate important places or events, and many are claimed to have relics (bones or other bits of human remains from holy figures) buried under them, although the sheer number of stupas you will see in this vacation alone would indicate that it is probably more a matter of faith than fact

The Temple first pictured was built much later to commemorate the site and remains an important pilgrimage location for Buddhists of all countries. The inside is filled with murals depicting the entire life and death of Budda, such as above where he came across four figures who would lead him to enlightment an old man, a poor man, a dying man, and a sick man

Lord Buddha in all his glory.

A Brief jaunt across the street to the Sarnath Archaelogical museum revealed the Ashokan Pillar, sandstone polished to the quality of marble, a national emblem of India, and found on all its money

Leaving behind Sarnath, we returned to Varanasi for some light reading, ice cream, and drinks

including some Shirley’s Tample

Rajbhog ice cream

and humorous ly named authors.

Finishing just in time to observe the evening Fire Aarti of Varnasi with hundreds, if not thousands of other tourists and pilgrims. But more on that to come…

Leaving Behind the wonders of the Taj, we moved on to the significantly less wonderful Orcha. Falsely led to believe this city was worth a stopover (spoiler: it wasnt) by OnTheGo Tours Agent Ryan Newson (do not give this man business ever) and tricked by this horrible unhelpful lying travel agent in being stuck in this 2 hour city for 36 hours, we decided to make the most of it. Also, still sick and vomiting off camera.

Orcha has three things to see, one of them being this palace. The whole city is a stopover on the way between khajuraho and varanasi. Seriously, Ryan Newson is a dick. Anonymous, get on that.

I would love to tell you all the significance of the things you will be seeing, except I was busy being violently sick off camera and didnt pay attention to most of what the guide said. Dont worry, I will recover by the time we reach Varanasi next post

Admittedly the royal palace was fun and appropriately “ruin”-y looking

Kali-Ma! Temple of Doom pic, check!

I really love the arched doorways of persian architecture

We were given as long as we felt like to wander around and explore

An entire deserted palace, all to ourselves

The King of Orcha died trying to save a cow from a lion. Thats my orcha fact

The Mughals certainly understood the concept of Grand

Elephant Pol entrance

Another Royal palace or some such…we took a dance break

The seven incarnations of shiva

Jahangir Mahal on River Betwa

By this point about 1 week into the trip, we were starting to get a little templed out. So we decided to use our remaining 30 hours in Orcha to explore the town, an excursion Short Round referred to as “Poorism”

Even at Midday, the streets were mostly deserted, the oppressive heat keeping everyone indoors in their stone and thatch houses

Shave and A haircut would be about 2 bits at this barbershop

Even the graffiti notes the heatwave…

Ahh, a Market! Now this is more like it

As the day began to wear down, more people showed up to haggle, play, and generally just hang out in the street. We picked up some trinkets here and there, not out of any real need or desire for souvenirs, but just for the sake of being out and about, interacting with the locals

Yada yada yada, marketplace temple, etc etc, filled with 4 wasps nests when we went to investigate

Those colorful piles are paints, not spices as we orignally thought. And a small child of about 6 years old managed to convince Miss Crystal to purchase some. She was quite the saleswoman, using every trick at her disposal bringing in her smaller sister, telling us what a good deal we were getting, offering a special price that she hadnt given the last tourists…and then she couldnt keep a straight face and laughed, because we were the only tourists she had seen all day. Miss Crystal rewarded her for her efforts, purchasing a small lotus flower filled with 6 paints. She was no more honest or savvy than any other merchant, but she was adorable and still learning her craft

This sign is 100% True.

Finally, the sun set on what felt like the longest day and a half ever, and finally recovered physically and mentally, we boarded an overnight sleeper train

Next stop: Varanasi, Holiest city in India

Our next stop in Jaipur was Dera Amer elephant camp, where we had a choice between an elephant safari, or paying a little extra to play elephant polo.

judging by the photo above, I got a little something “extra” without paying =p, and thus we opted for the safari instead. It was a pleasant hour long ride around the Indian countryside, which looks suspiciously like the Arizona countryside, culminating in a Survivor-like dinner

Torches lit the way to our private dining area, where Dr Han and I drank some locally produced indian wine (this in retrospect was a huge mistake and the most likely cause of our subsequent delhi belly) and Short Round and Miss Crystal enjoyed relaxing and chasing around seconds and birds, respectively. The next morning we had one more stop to make before setting off for Agra.

Galta Temple, or as Short Round would call it, THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

Galta Temple is famous due to the large tribe of monkeys who live here. These rhesus macaques were featured in National Geographic channel’s ‘Rebel Monkeys’ series. The temple features a number of pavilions with rounded roofs, exquisitely carved pillars, and painted walls, and is surrounded by natural springs and reservoirs that are considered holy. There are seven kunds (tanks) here and the Galta Kund is considered the holiest.

Over 1000 Monkeys make their home here, and roam the streets of this mini-city freely. As Hanuman the monkey god is a sacred figure in Hindu culture, the monkeys are considered a blessing, and bags of nuts to feed them are available at the front entrance

Short Round at first was having marvelous fun

but he let his nut sack (pictured above) get too close to the monkey and it leapt up and scratched him in an attempt to grab his nuts

As monkeys have been reported to carry rabies in India, short round insisted on undergoing the extensive series of rabies vaccinations, despite assurances by all medical personnel on the trip (i.e. Dr J and Dr Han) that rabies is transmitted via bites, not scratches, especially not scratches that barely broke skin and it was a provoked rather than unprovoked attack, and only provoked in the sense that the monkey wanted Deez Nuts. However, As rabies IS a deadly disease if contracted, Short Round felt safer overall obtaining the vaccine and immunoglobulin, and spent the remainder of the trip hating all animals and wildly exagerrating the circumstances leading to this event

There I was minding my own business when a gang of monkeys walked up snapping their fingers in unison. Their leader pulled out a switchblade and threatened me, while some of his henchman relieved me of my wallet. Then, under the leaders orders, they knocked me down, stripped me of my clothes and proceeded to beat and rape me. When I was left lying on the ground covered only in my shame, the leader slashed the knife across first his palm, then my wrist, spitting in the wound for good measure. As our blood mingled, he looked at me with contempt. “Ju got monkey aids now holmes” and he scampered off with my rolex glinting in the sun and covered in my tears

The above statement is a minor exagerration of what happened as related to anyone Short Round met for the remainder of the tour.

Another 5 hour drive from Jaipur to Agra, with Short Round stressed over his rabies, me intermittently vomiting from terrible indian wine, and Dr Han feeling none too fresh from his bout with Delhi Belly, and we managed to pass the time by playing more Russian Hangman, and chatting with BP, pictured above, who is truly a saint. Possible the patron saint of driving in India. He not only managed to get us to every destination without any accdients, but also showed us hidden and cheaper shops to obtain what we wanted rather than tour approved traps, and would wait around whenever we went wandering off, showing up at the EXACT moment we thought we would need him. In a city where none of us carried cell phones or could tell people apart, he was there often before we knew he was wanted. Best. Driver. Ever.

Our First stop in Agra was Fatehpur Sikri. Built by Mughal Emperor Jahangir at this site because he wanted a child, and the saint who he sought advice and blessing from lived here and refused to move to his then capital. When Jahangir had a son, he was so happy, he built an additional complex for the holy man and lived at the site with him.

We are sitting on a life size parcheesi court. No joke.

This whole column in Diwan-i-khas, or the hall of private audience is made from a single piece and has 36 serpentine brackets holding it up. Why did it have to be snakes?

We spent a long time exploring the palace grounds, wandering in and out of hallways like scooby doo and the gang

Until finally, we found the perfect spot to take Hipster Album Cover #2

A Brief Aside. Our guide for the single day we were in Agra is the man looking at the camera in the lower left corner of the photo. I do not remember his name. The entire time we were with him, and for many days after, we referred to him simply as “trustache” for his incredibly trustworthy mustache. As it turns out, this is an actual word, as defined by Urban Dictionary:

A man’s mustache, fashioned in a way that causes others to trust him whole-heartedly, to an extent that he or she would put their life in the hands of the grower

He lived up to it. The man not only was full of a ton of interesting facts about the places he took us to, but got us into the Red Fort behind him a full hour after it had closed to the public by arguing with an armed guard, based on the premise that we were tourists and who knew when we might come again so just lets us in. And it worked! Had we not been all templed out at that point, he was willing to argue us even deeper into the monument. We settled for just this photo

Red Fort, Agra: Never conquered, never actually attacked. Probably because they had a tiger moat in addition to the traditional kind. Which is apparently a dry pit filled with tigers, not an actual moat with tigers swimming everywhere. Thanks trustache, for everything.

Next Post: Taj Mahal!

I’ve spent quite a bit of time showing you all the places I visited thus far, but of course one of the other key parts of any vacation is where you stay, not just what you see. And in Jaipur, we stayed in pretty much the coolest looking hotel ever. It was a heritage hotel, and the former actual residence of one of Rajastans many princes and the whole thing just felt like being in a movie. So please enjoy the photos with a minimum of words, as I present to you, Indiana Josh and the treasure of Shahpura House

Starring Indiana Josh and Short Round

Special Appearances by Miss Crystal

And Dr Han

As comic relief

A Brief view of the outside of Jaipurs finest residential palace for explorers…

We begin by entering the doors of this well known and respected establishement

where hard at work in the study of the adventurers club, Indiana Josh searches diligently for clues to the fabled treasure of shahpura house

A Well stocked bar is important to any adventurer

Seriously, every nook and cranny of this place was packed with something new, exciting, and photo-worthy. The story just practically tells itself

What is an adventurers club, without portraits of the adventurers?

If we dont start doing something exciting soon, I will positively swoon from the tedium of it all…

A Brief stop by the room to grab the car keys

And we’re off! That way, short round! To glory!

But first, some sexytime.

I suppose a brief break from treasure hunting wouldnt hurt

And she does seem awfully talented…

Go on, smack that ass, you know you want to

After that night, I dont think I will sit comfortably for a week

Oh dont look so shocked. Try and find the secret passage to lead us to the treasure

Strong work, you two. Not lets get our danger faces on

Cmon, we’re getting closer, I can feel it!

Wait, whats that behind you!

Could it be?

The fabled Maharani sweet/treasure room!!

Job well done, my friend. Now lets see whats inside…

More good times with Dr J, coming up soon!

Garbed in Royal Attire, and armed with our newfound knowledge of hindi gleaned from watching Tere Ho Love Naal Gaya (seriously, go see it) we set off the next morning to go explore the Amer, or Amber Fort.

Of course, this being India, Short Round and I certainly were not going to walk up to the fort like the rest of the peasants. No sir, we were going up in style

That’s right, we rode up on a luxury elephant. What made it luxury? Well aside from the power steering, this particular model was pachy-dermed full of extras like air conditioning. Or so the driver told us when the elephant reached up his trunk and definietly did “NOT” sneeze all over us.

Okay, so we totally went up like the rest of the peasants. Ascending to Amer Fort by elephantback is a popular tourist attraction. But animal lovers, dont fret. Each elephants workday consists of only 5 rides up and down the mountain total, or 5pm, whichever comes first and they are done for the day. Plus they get bathed in the lake at the bottom

The Main entry is through the Suraj Pole (Sun Gate) which leads to Jaleb Chowk, which is the first main courtyard. This was the place where armies would hold victory parades with their war bounty on their return from battles, which were also witnessed by the Royal family women folk through the latticed windows.This gate was built exclusively and was provided with guards as it was the main entry into the palace. It faces the eastern direction towards the rising Sun and hence the name

Ganesh Pol or the Ganesh Gate, named after the Hindu god Lord Ganesh who removes all obstacles in life, is the entry into the private palaces of the Maharajas.

Just outside the Ganesh Pol is another Diwan-I-aam, or hall of Public Audience. So we made a public spectacle of ourselves and gained an audience by our awesome jumping photo abilities where we all totally landed in perfect balance as you can tell from the photos.

Above is the Jai Mandir aka Sheesh Mahal (mirror palace, or sheesh, my hall is shiny), which is exquisitely beautified with glass inlaid panels and multi-mirrored ceilings. The mirrors are of convex shape and designed with coloured foil and paint which would glitter bright under candle nights at the time it was in use. Faced with craftsmanship of such beauty and clear importance…well, you know whats coming next, right?

Explorers up close with a wide angle lens.

This is the “Magic Flower”. The flower has seven unique designs of fish tail (western flower), a lotus, a hooded cobra (northern flower), an elephant trunk, a lion’s tail, a cob of corn and a scorpion (eastern flower), each is viewed by a particular way of partial hiding of the panel with hands. You find the rest, and best of luck!

Having some more fun with the mirrors and playing with perspective on my camera

just behind the sheesh mahal is this amazing view of Moat Lake, where the elephants relax after a long hard day of work.

In the second courtyard of Amer Fort, you can see in the distance a slightly more defendable structure. It is connected to Amer Fort by secret passageways so the royal family could flee like rabbits tactically retreat if the main fort was ever taken.

Of course, secret passageways werent just used for fleeing, they were also used for sexytime. The Raja would have multiple wives, and to prevent any of them from getting jealous of how often he was visiting the others, he had secret passages from his room to every one of the seven Ranis rooms. And presumably a swimming pool chock full of escorts and courtesans, but hey, pimpin aint easy

Looking out over the palace, I tried to imagine what life would have been like back in those days

Short Round however, quickly shoved me out of the way, so he could get a view of a “sweet piece of curry”

No time for love, Short Round, we got places to be

I promise, Doom Temples are quickly approaching.

There’s one now!…probably.

This was one of my favorite shots from the trip, although it is somewhat “hipster”. I do have a few hipster tendencies, (e.g. my love for hats) to the point that there has been a drinking game made of my behavior…the rules are as follows. Anytime Dr J

A) does something hipster like take an artsy fartsy shot, say he liked something before it was cool, etc
B) acts like a fattie foodie dreaming, fantasizing about, or photographing what he is about to eat or expressing food culture love or
C) makes a terrible pun

everyone who catches it takes a drink. If you travel with me, and play this game, you will be drunk, or well hydrated depending on your beverage of choice. As such, we decided to have some fun with it and took a few “Hipster Album Covers” that will go on our LP’s that are totally awesome but you would probably have never heard of

Here is the first…what should our hipster album title be?

Coming up next: The Treasure of Shahpura House

And a bonus for you readers: The Water Palace!

Not open to the public, so no accompanying story. Just two docs who love hats.

After the daytime stargazing, we wanted to see a bit of the city.

Jaipur is known as the Pink City, named for the Terra Cotta color of the sandstone making up all its buildings. As to WHy it was made Pink originally, well the most popular story goes that In 1853, when the Prince of Wales visited Jaipur, the whole city was painted pink to welcome him as pink is deemed to be a welcoming color. This, our guide promptly informed us, was a load of cow plop. Another popular story goes that the wife of Sawai Ram Singh, the Rajah of Jaipur at that time, adored the color pink, and so her husband passed a lot decreeing every building must be painted this color. This is also a load of poop, although slightly less so, as the city has had a law making the whole city pink since 1877. Whether it was because of a royal wife is unclear. As it turns out, we never learned the real reason because walking down the street we were suddenly distracted by…

SNAKES! or more accurately, snake charmers. Also, short round charmers. We asked if the snakes enjoyed any particular songs, for example, Dont Stop Believing by Journey. As it turns out, snakes have no ears and therefore are a bunch of philistines. They are just responding to the vibrations in the air produced by the instrument. Oh and dont worry about the danger…apparently these snakes had their teeth ripped out so they couldnt bite/kill the charmers. The work ethic of your average craftsman today is appalling, truly…

This magnificent structure is the Hawa Mahal, aka Temple of the Winds. It is modeled on the crown of Krisha and its numerous windows are filled with a ton of latticework that allows people to see out, but not in. This is so the royal women were not seen by men, observing the strict purdah-(face cover), but could still watch festivals, markets, and presumably impromptu musical numbers. After All, this is India

A short walk away from the Hawa Mahal and Jantar Mantar, and in fact connected to both is the Royal Palace. The Part immediately behind us is the actual still in use living quarters, but large sections of the rest are open to the public.

This is the Peacock Door, one of the 4 entrances to the courtyard in the above picture. The others are the emerald door, and umm the curry door and bhangra door…I dont know, I had sort of tuned out because this door was way more awesome looking

All through the palace are displays of weapons, like this gunwheel. Like a pinwheel, but more explodey

Since this is still a royal residence, certain areas remain off limits. Woe betide those who try to get into them anyway

Heh…erm, No ticket?

A Brief aside…if you are going to India yourself, please be aware that it is a tip based culture. And I mean that if you accidentally look at someone cross eyed they are going to expect a tip for the privilige. Now exchange rates aside, this is not a lot of money…until you consider how many people and how often you are tipping every single freaking day. It adds up, and amounts a ton of small bribes just to accomplish things you could easily do yourself but are not in fact actually allowed to. So bring cash, and lots of small bills, because this is a hidden cost that is not emphasized enough.

Inside the palace, in addition to all the impressive architecture, are a number of local arts and crafts

. The lady above is creating a henna pattern on the arms of Miss Crystal. Henna is a plant that once ground up into a powder can be mixed with any acidic liquid (lemon juice, tea, etc) to make a toothpasty liquid that is applied to the skin and will stain it for about 2 weeks.

Looking sharp!

After leaving the Royal Palace, we were all inspired to look for an appropriate craft to bring back for our memories. Miss Crystal had her Henna, and Short Round briefly considered purchasing a magic carpet

However, he exceeded the weight limit, and he decided he could find plenty of regular carpets at home. Dr Han and I opted to look for some traditional Indian Clothing…Dr Han found a lightweight Kurta, a pajama shirt usually made of cotten and I…well,

Prince Ali, mighty is he, Ali Ababwa! Heard your city was a sight lovely to see!

So try your best to stay calm…Indiana Josh and Short Round are the bomb!

Traveling to show a whole new world to you and me! (music trails off)

This was a total impulse buy. I did technically need a suit to go to an Indian friends wedding…however I looked so damn good in this getup that I rationalized that eventually all my Indian friends would get married and I could just keep wearing it. It may also make a future upcoming appearance at a karaoke night as a friend and I roleplay racially reversed Johnny Quest (i’m Haji!)

Feeling like ancient royalty, we decided to finish off the night feeling like modern royalty with a trip to the Raj Mandir. This place is basically like the Kodak Theater of India. It has seen a number of huge Bollywood openings, been visited and autographed at one time or another by most of the major stars in the industry, and basically just is a cool looking place to see a movie

The interior is all done in art deco style

We bought samosas from the snack counter and sat down to enjoy a 3 hour non-subtitled hindi film. But at least there was a lot of singing and dancing and we all got the gist. Go check out a Bollywood film if you get the chance, they are much of the fun

Upcoming Posts from Jaipur: Amber Fort, Dera Amer Elephant Camp, and the coolest looking Hotel ever that we got to stay in and will deserve its own entire post.

As always, the photos here are merely a selection from the hundred I took, and if you are interested in seeing the rest, along with any other travel photos, please just shoot me your email address and I will add you to my google circles.

(Shoutut to Fushmush and the Wilsons, because they are still by far the best travel buddies Short Round and I have met on our journeys, and havent spoken with them in a while)