Best email ever:

“Hello, I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you. Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds”

Ooh those nigerians must be so mad at us now for stealing their scam.

XXXXXX: My mom got me a toilet brush for my birthday.
coffeeweasel: have you been using it?
XXXXXX: Well, yeah, but it hasn’t been working too well. In fact, I think I may just go back to using paper
coffeeweasel: *facepalm*

evilada: girls dont work like baseball
evilada: if they did, everyone would cheer if you stole second base when no one was looking
evilada: and thats the complete opposite of what happens, trust me

And since I haven’t done a photo post in a while, here are some last minute pics of fall in Chicago, a day before the temp dropped from 70 to 40.

Well the first day of family medicine has passed relatively uneventfully, and I have this to say:

After ED, Family Medicine is a romantic getaway. My hours are 8-5:30 with a lunch break (okay, drug rep sponsored noon conference, but still! time to sit down! and eat!) and WEEKENDS OFF

ZOMG Ponies! I have weekends again. I dont even know what to do with them.

But you people dont come to this site for that. You come here for…well actually, I am not really sure what you come here for..

Is it to hear about the fact that even in family medicine there are drug seeking patients, like a woman who complains of chronic back pain but when she is told to stretch and lose weight instead of getting the expected refill of her vicodin gets a momentary dismayed look on her face?

Is it to see children coming in for vaccinations who are just beginning to garner the fear of doctors what is referred to in professional circles as “white coat syndrome”

Or maybe its to read about physicians who actually geniunenly seem to care about the patients entire well being instead of just treating the condition. Like the resident I worked with today who spent an HMO breaking 20 minutes with a patient just convinving her to make amends with her parents so she would have a support system to raise her child and could be strong for, even going so far as to offer to speak to both the parents in Farsi and be an instrument of reconciliation. After all, according to him…for parents, children are the walnuts, the hard outer shell, but grandchildren are the treasure inside no one can resist

You dont see that in ER…or at least I didnt.

The specialty of Family Med in the healthcare world is kinda like being the kid picked last for the team. Everyone acknowledges you need the kid to make the teams even, but at the same time it is looked down upon, because Family Practitioners dont have a specialized body of knowledge found in most of the other fields. Jack of all trades, master of none, so the saying goes.

Coming into this field, it was not originally something I thought I would want to do…then again, given that I was pretty sure i wanted ER when I got into medical school, I am doing my best to keep an open mind and see how this all works out.

In the meantime folks, I always appreciate your comments and suggestions…what would you like to see more of here? My random ramblings on 3rd year? Medically themed comics? Something entirely different with more random links like my old style of writing? I eagerly await your response

And now a few helloes to my internet family, something I will hopefully be doing every post for the next month. Want in? Just leave me a comment or let me see you show up in footprints!

Rainy: yes I am cooking greek food again
Swtlilkathy: Happy 21st!
Y2KenH: now that you know your power, will it be for good? or evil? and tell andysensei to contact me!
InitialDean: yarr matey, always a pleasure hearing from you on TLAPD. Hope all be well
Dangit: Halo3 is coming-can you feel the excitement?

And Non-Contextual Quotation of the Day:

KissMyBigApple:
there are 3 helicopters circling the empire state building. anyone know what’s going on?
coffeeweasel: Damn that gorilla again! Why won’t he learn?

PentaroX (11:17:29 PM): heard on the internets, the best superpower ever:  the ability to turn lead into bacon

Yay! I am living only 4 dollars over the US recommended thrifty food budget, and that is including eating out!

And now time for a super long adventure in AIM with special guest star roninmk!

coffeeweasel: but if we could get all of us for some karaoke and onsen
coffeeweasel: w00t!
coffeeweasel: just like old times!
Roninmk: onsen!?
Roninmk: you guys have fun with that
coffeeweasel: what?
coffeeweasel: no onsen for you?
Roninmk: i’m a conservative american
Roninmk: didn’t ya know?
coffeeweasel: from your online musings, looks like you are a sex-crazed inaka girl
coffeeweasel: but what do i know
Roninmk: i think i will pass
coffeeweasel: we will still be having much fin
coffeeweasel: i will go to an onsen with ari then
coffeeweasel: we can let all the japanese ogle our BIG AMERICAN PENIS
coffeeweasel: oh and kyle is in for that weekend
Roninmk: have you told him about the onsen idea?
coffeeweasel: i will let you
Roninmk: hahaha

coffeeweasel: coffeeweasel: mary doesnt want to go to an onsen with us….wonder why?
bigpileofkyle: boobs.
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: ohhh geesh
coffeeweasel: aint nothing the world hasnt seen before, toots
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: true
Roninmk: and when i went to Thailand got a body scrub and some thai chick rubbed my chest down with lotion and stuff
Roninmk: soooooo
Roninmk: i really SHOULDN’T be all that embarrassed
Roninmk: BUT I STILL AM!

coffeeweasel: if it weren’t for social conventions, and the fact that
it is something like 20 degrees outside, i would be going naked all the
freakin time

coffeeweasel: woah! hold the phone! some thai chick rubbed your chest with lotion!!!
coffeeweasel: thats hot
Roninmk: hahaha yes : twice
coffeeweasel: well duh, it would have to be twice, unless you have a uniboob
Roninmk: i mean she rubbed lotion on two separate occasions
Roninmk: with two kinds of lotion
coffeeweasel: two separate occasions? so good you went back for more, eh?
Roninmk: no

Roninmk: same time

Roninmk: they wrapped me in some foil

coffeeweasel: one on each hand?
coffeeweasel: i am having a lot of trouble picturing this, so please feel free to be as graphic as possible

Roninmk: shut up

Roninmk: you know EXACTLY what i mean

Roninmk: pervert

Roninmk: hahaha
coffeeweasel: remember, i am a med student and therefore my sex life is lived entirely vicariously through my friends

(back to the onsen!)
Roninmk: but dude…ari and kyle in the same room together naked
Roninmk: hahaha
coffeeweasel: but i digress…you were picturing kyle and ari naked together
coffeeweasel: and yet I am the pervert
Roninmk: i wasn’t picturing them naked actually
Roninmk: its possible to do that ya k now
coffeeweasel: no, it’s not
coffeeweasel: i am a man…we are visual people
Roninmk: i didn’t picture them naked  just together the thought without the picture
coffeeweasel: why would you include nakedness as part of that at all
Roninmk: ’cause its a different circumstance than the normal just hanging out
coffeeweasel: but we would be just hanging out
Roninmk: its hanging out while being naked
Roninmk: NAKED
Roninmk: there is a difference
coffeeweasel: prude
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: proud of it
coffeeweasel: man you need to get over your conventions
coffeeweasel: realize that underneath those clothes, everyone is NAKED
Roninmk: i rather like my conventions
coffeeweasel: NAKED NAKED NAKED
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: yes yes yes i know this
Roninmk: but we also all clothed over our nakedness
coffeeweasel: in frequent and prolonged exposure to japanese people
will cause all of your children to be born *COMPLETELY NAKED*
Roninmk: hahaha

coffeeweasel: haha ari wants to know why you are picturing him naked ;-P
Roninmk: well i hope the three of you have fun frolicking around
coffeeweasel: you need to loosen up
coffeeweasel: take some naked time for mary
Roninmk: josh you are such a gossip
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: Ari just Im’d me
coffeeweasel: i know
coffeeweasel: i told him too

coffeeweasel: you totally get to be my winggirl in japan too
Roninmk: great
coffeeweasel: i know!
coffeeweasel: the favor will be returned if you need it
coffeeweasel: i have played bf before
Roninmk: if we go to a club?
coffeeweasel: was there anywhere else i would need to do it?
Roninmk: not that i can think of
Roninmk: do you have suggestions as to where i would need a bf?
Roninmk: hahaha
coffeeweasel: well we can always take a pic of us together you can travel with
coffeeweasel: and be like, sorry not interested here is my bf
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: that’s true
coffeeweasel: so ha!
coffeeweasel: i came up with another reason
Roninmk: you are one smart lad
coffeeweasel: now you just have to help me find 3-4 japanese girls for me to cheat on you with
Roninmk: hahaha
Roninmk: what an awesome bf
Roninmk:
coffeeweasel: hey babe, i’m the king of swing
coffeeweasel: at least we have an open relationship

-J

The Josh can make a woman orgasm simply by pointing at her and saying “booyah”

Adventures in AIM

coffeeweasel: i’m scarier
CriscoTIN2: yes but you’re far away
CriscoTIN2: they’re upstairs
coffeeweasel: i will mail you a photo of a clown if you do not come
coffeeweasel: one photo a month
coffeeweasel: always on a different day
CriscoTIN2: LOLOLOL
coffeeweasel: you will never know when clowns will show up at your doorstep
CriscoTIN2: always a different clown?
coffeeweasel: do you want to live your whole life in terror?
CriscoTIN2: no
CriscoTIN2: <shudder>
coffeeweasel: then come to the party or risk the torture of lifetime clowns
coffeeweasel: cant sleep…clowns will EAT YOU
CriscoTIN2: damn their appetites!

-J

Quote of the day: She crushed my sole! (say it aloud)-Sawrav

Okay so you guys are in for a special treat tonite! Especially Kelly
and Kim, who I know appreciate my bouts into med school dorkiness. SO i
have mentioned a few times before on this interweb thing that I am a
t.a. and reviewer for Physiology, and also that each week for review,
Ryan and I usually do a little educational skit. Well although most of
them require filming and live action for this week i just did a song
parody like back in the day (remember, Apryl? good old finals week
stress??)

So here it is posted for you guys…let me know what you think. Sing along, you might just learn something

Digestion
To the tune of Mrs Robinson

chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew chew

Well what goes on during digestion?
eat the food but after that who knows?
oh oh oh
Well then lets learn about digestion
how the gut takes nutrients away
hey hey hey-hey hey

Lets start with the cephalic phase when you see food you like
saliva contains alpha amylase
in the stomach HCL and gastrin from vagi
help the stomach get set up for eating that pie

the next step in our digestion
esophagus moves the food below
oh oh oh
the l-e-s lets the food go by
if it dont thats a-chalasi-a
hey hey hey-hey hey hey

In duodenum the chyme becomes isotonic
from pancreatic secretions now
but in the jejunums where most absorption takes place
ileum just secretes bicarb, K, and waste

a reflex in our digestion
food in stomach makes ileum go
colon ho!
now we’re in the large intestine
use the valsalva, its bombs away
hey hey hey-hey hey hey

sitting in the east pod for a tuesday night review
learning how the food moves down your gut
B-E-R it, M-M-C it, how do you know which?
studying for digestion’s a bitch

BER comes after a meal
moving through the gut what you just chewed
ooh ooh ooh
MMC when stomach’s empty
every 90 minutes lest you ate
hey hey hey-hey hey hey

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. Because I am sure you have all missed them, here are some more ADVENTURES IN AIM

Y2KenH: if they talk more than they walk, i’m not watching it
Y2KenH: it becomes like dragon ball z
coffeeweasel: oh you mean in terms of action sequences?
Y2KenH: next episode: main character moves a foot

Y2KenH: that clown in the van idea is a double edged sword

coffeeweasel:At the gym…sweating like r kelly at the kids choice awards…
RitikaUCI: you are the gross

Alright, so yes, i know i am consistently promising you these diwali
pics and then not delivering them so you all think i am a ridiculous
hateful person, or at the very least a tease. My little xanga here is a
bit like sex in that regard. getting some only makes both you and me
want more.

It is not precisely like sex, however, because
A) you most likely do not weep with gratitude after viewing my pic
posts and/or reading entries because you have never been satisfied like
that before AND
B) I do not perform my spastic touchdown dance after each entry, the way i do on those few occasions i now get laid

But I digress the point was, i have a truckload of work i am having to
be doing, and i am really really far behind in it, and there are many
many pics to post, and frankly i am as tired as the last remaining
prostitute in mexico city, although sadly, not as wealthy and long
story short if i do not see comments, i get less inclined to post.

This is in no way a snotty why aren’t you people commenting thing. I am
simply just more motivated to keep writing when i know people are
reading, and lately i have apparently not written anything worth
commenting about…my bad. But to those of you who did comment, thanks!
gold star and 2 points for you!…first one to hit 26 points, gets a
xmas present sent to them from me!

Y2KenH is still in the lead, but anyone can play…comment for more ways to earn points

So yes, basically this whole post was an excuse to say no Diwali pics
til later this week now. But here is a teaser pic of me with the guys
from the Bhangra dance

That’s right…Josh is number one Punjabi! Balle Balle. Also seen,
harmandeep, neeraj, and sanjam, who is a real sardar and tied all our
turbans. There dont say i never gave you anything

-J
 
Quote of the day:”Come on guys, the night is a fetus!”  re: trying to figure out what to do
(as in the night is full of unborn possibilities for my readers who just dont get it)

SHort entry, just a brief ADVENTURE IN AIM with my bro

supermn272: i paid a $400 credit card bill ytoday.  that sucked
coffeeweasel: stop getting such expensive hookers
supermn272: NO!!!!!!!
supermn272: you get what you pay for.  getting cheap hookers is
like have sex with a bucket of chicken, you just don’t do that
supermn272: i should be getting $300 bucks from him this week too
coffeeweasel: so get a moderate hooker
supermn272: i go all out.  expensive hookers are like any other
luxury, a fancy car, a big house and an expensive hooker say a lot
about who you are.
supermn272: haha
coffeeweasel: hahaha
coffeeweasel: so true
supermn272: gtg, hooker is here

-J

It’s true, a fancy hooker does say a lot about you as a person

Let’s Begin today with some ADVENTURES IN AIM

speaking with my friend who has her own clothing line you can purchase here ladies!

coffeeweasel: where are the guy shirts! I found a hot topic only 40 minutes from me!
coffeeweasel: now clothe me, woman
autoerotique: hahahahah
autoerotique: i dont have dudes stuff yet!
coffeeweasel: well tell the little children in the sweatshop to hurry the heck up
coffeeweasel: air jordans aren’t getting any cheaper
autoerotique: i know my mexicans cant work fast enough
coffeeweasel: offer them us citizenship or something
coffeeweasel: i cant pimp you to the med school until i have product to wear, yo!
coffeeweasel: and i dont have the figure for your female clothing
autoerotique: ill have it in october!
coffeeweasel: alright…i expect to be among the first notified
coffeeweasel: i do have ALL this loan money after all…

and of course with Brian

supermn272: i tied the ties.  have you prepared the pants?
coffeeweasel: hahaha
coffeeweasel: i need something to send them in
supermn272: what about a box?
coffeeweasel: cuz there are so many laying around
supermn272: they sell them at any local postage store
coffeeweasel: i dont have a local postage store
supermn272: no ups or local post office?
supermn272: any friends who collect shipping boxes?
supermn272: i only have 5 pairs of shorts.  i really do need them

coffeeweasel: shut your cookie hole
supermn272: why dont you send me some cookies to shut my hole with?
coffeeweasel: wow that sounds dirty
supermn272: you sound dirty
coffeeweasel: so’s your face
supermn272: well at least i’m not unoriginal
supermn272: i am quoting will hunting
coffeeweasel: haha
coffeeweasel: so you ARE unoriginal
supermn272: ironically yes



supermn272: i found someone’s scalp in my room today
coffeeweasel: ???
supermn272: i think it was a key chain injun
supermn272: from the lego tribe
coffeeweasel: oh
coffeeweasel: i was expecting something more dramatic
supermn272: well i did beat up a baby today.  how is that
supermn272: the baby started it too.  little fucker ooked at me,
pointed and started laughing.  now he has something to laugh about

Okay so to follow up on that bolded sentence in the last adventure, I
would really like to find a human head. Yeah it would be grisly, but I
am a medical student, I could handle it. Think how long you could hang
out and/or drink somewhere on this story!

Everyone would be all like “Tell us again about how you found the head!”
Well, I’d say, adjusting to make myself more comfortable, I was just
walking down the alley minding my own business when I noticed this
blood-stained pillowcase…

Of course, eventually people would get sick of hearing the head story.
They might tactfully excuse themselves to go to the bathroom, or try
and change the subject, or maybe just flat out burst out with Crikey!
enough about the bleeding head (because your friend who is prone to
outbursts like that is British) and you would be all like haha sorry
but inside maybe your feelings would be hurt a little…

That’s when you start looking for a torso…

Moving right along now that i have disturbed all of you severely…A
few weeks ago, I was on AIM with my good friend drew. He and I have
fascinating conversations,  and most of them are patently
ridiculous.  We got onto the topic of cannibalism (one of my
favorites, as you longtime readers know) and I happened to mention that

1)babies probably have the most tender flesh and would be prized by cannibals
2) bbq sauce would make the taste of anything just about better

i then said something to the effect of sure i would eat a baby as long
as it had bbq sauce or if you bring the bbq sauce and baby i will eat
it with a smile on my face or something

Drew decided to take me up on it, and surprised me later that same
night with all the things necessary to make me eat my words…pics of
the adventure have finally been sent to me and can be seen here

enjoy!

Coming Soon:

recipes for frittata
the next How To guide
more of the mundane stuff that makes of my day

-J