This seemed like something the xanga community would want to know about. Well, at least the people who read my site anyway

In Georgia, the Creators’ Rights Party candidate for governor is creating quite a stir by admitting to the fact that he’s had sex with a mule, men, and a watermelon, among other things. He has done these things even though he advocates a strongly anti-gay agenda. Here is an excerpt from the candidate, Neal Horsley, appearing on the Alan Colmes Show:

“Hey, Alan, if you want to accuse me of having sex when I was a fool, I did everything that crossed my mind that looked like I…”

AC: “You had sex with animals?”

NH: “Absolutely. I was a fool. When you grow up on a farm in Georgia, your first girlfriend is a mule.”

AC: “I’m not so sure that that is so.”

NH: “You didn’t grow up on a farm in Georgia, did you?”

AC: “Are you suggesting that everybody who grows up on a farm in Georgia has a mule as a girlfriend?”

NH: It has historically been the case. You people are so far removed from the reality… Welcome to domestic life on the farm…”

Colmes said he thought there were a lot of people in the audience who grew up on farms, are living on farms now, raising kids on farms and “and I don’t think they are dating Elsie right now. You know what I’m saying?”

Horsley said, “You experiment with anything that moves when you are growing up sexually. You’re naive. You know better than that… If it’s warm and it’s damp and it vibrates you might in fact have sex with it.”

“All I had to do was give her an ear of corn.” He laughs again. “She was a [prostitute] mule.”

“How did you reach?”

“I don’t know… I stood on something. The kicker is, as soon as I was done she pissed all over me. It was embarrassing. I never told anyone that before.”

Oh No! Let this be a warning to you.

I feel sorry for kids today. The internet has ruined porn.

Now hear me out hear for a moment.

Those of us of the male persuasion used to have to work a lot harder for our naughty pictures. Remember the days when you first found your dads stash of dirty magazines hidden in the toolshed/garage/bathroom? Or maybe it was those late nights you stayed up watching the scrambled channels, trying to figure out if you were seeing boob or elbow? Or the really determined younguns who saved up their money and then sauntered over to the nearest homeless man or college kid and convinced them to buy you the latest issue of playboy or if you were truly perverted, hustler?

Yeah you do. And the difficulty in obtaining your smut made reading it all the more worthwhile. (You just looked at the pictures, honest!) There was always that one kid in the neighborhood who would always have the stack of dirty magazines in the treehouse, and you would all go over just to flip through them and ogle the naked ladies.

If you were a girl, you were probably having slumber parties, the goings on at which dirty old men can only dream about.

And then the internet came and ruined it for everyone.

Oh sure at first it was just an extension of the print medium. Dial up provided a world of selection to the carnal conosseiur. A randy redhead, exotic asian, or the brand new world of fake celebrity photos! But, given the time involved waiting for the computer screen to load, we would always return to the trust treehouse of whore-or.

But the decline continued. Soon, dial up was replaced by cable, and then t-1 connections. Private video sites, and then myspace, and finally redtube, youporn and their misbegotten ilk. Gone was the social bond formed in obtaining porn, replaced by legions of individuals sitting alone in front of their computer screen. Gone were the classy pinup girls of the calendars, replaced instead by celebrity sluts like paris hilton. Gone was the element of imagination from fantasy, as rule 34 took firm hold of the internet.

Last to fall was the simple joy so many men used to be able to express at merely simply seeing a woman naked. With mere naked women available at the click of a button, smut peddlers had to work harder to compete with each other to lure the average consumer with their succubi. The fantasies of yesteryear (threesomes, lesbians “convinced” to give men one more try) became replaced with acts of bondage, rape, bestiality, and tentacle porn (oh you wacky japanese)

With anything you could imagine already made into porn (damn you rule 34) brand new perversions had to be created to keep up with the demand. Things like 2girlsone cup or lemonparty, goatse and you know the rest. Yes you do, dont try and pretend you dont.

Now dont get me wrong, I love porn as much as the next guy. I just weep for the lost innocence of the future generations, who will never know the simple joys of seeing sideboob on a scrambled channel.

Boy, nostalgia catches you at the weirdest times.

 It is often said that clothes make the man. Naked people have very little influence on society with the possible exception of ron jeremy. In few places is this maxim more true than in medicine. If i were to just walk up to you in my street clothes and start doing some of things I do on a daily basis in the hospital, i would be thought nosy, rude, vulgar, or i would be slapped, or possibly even arrested. And yet, once i don a certain piece of attire, anything and everything i can come up with, no matter how ridiculous or offensive it might be construed on the outside world, suddenly becomes okay.

I am talking of course, about the white coat. Now the white coat has a lot of symbolism wrapped up in it. Ignoring the in house short coat/long coat fight, which i am betting most of you as patients would never notice, just wearing that coat makes people react to you differently. This is documented science right down to the “white coat” syndrome that affects patients blood pressure and vital readings when they see a health care professional. I become an entirely different person, not to myself, but in the eyes of anyone seeing me. A casual walk down the street in everyday attire (hmm…let me rephrase that to shorts and a tshirt, since everyday attire now means slacks, collared shirt and tie) reveals normal city reactions, either apathetic ignorance, pleading for cash, or occasionally friendly or hostile interactions. Don the almighty coat though and almost everyone will give you the once over, smile or occasionally stop you on the street to ask you about their medical problems.

This has happened to me several times and really people it has to stop…even once I give the disclaimer that i am just a student, i am still curbside consulted for medical advice and i am so not comfortable with how little i know. Not that anyone accepts that, so i just have to double talk until i say something that will primum non nocere (first, do no harm) and let me go on my way hoping i didnt send some unfortunate pedestrian to their doom.

So when you think of the medical professional, what comes to mind? 50/50 it is the white coat, or scrubs. Or do you picture a suit and tie? Well I always thought of the scrubs, not the least because i look damn good in them, but apparently there are studies out there that say differently. Although there are ones that agree too

What to wear today? Effect of doctors attire on the trust and confidence of patients
Premise: Patients prefer doctors who dress in professional attire over scrubs, double so for female physicians

After finding this article, I had to keep searching, because seriously the days i get to wear scrubs are my favorite days in the hospital

Resident Physician Attire: Does it make a difference to our patients?
Premise: Patients like doctors in scrubs with the white coat

So, take a quick gander through the articles if you have a moment, and then tell me what you think. What should I be wearing? Formal? Scrubs? Clown costume? Birthday suit? Saran-Wrap? Fuck-me
boots? Do you like it with a tie? Do you like it in the eye?

-J

P.S. in a totally unrelated topic, here a link to my friend uclari’s photo page of a very special park in Jeju Korea. I promise if you click on it, you will instantly know why he and I have managed to maintain a friendship over several years and numerous miles. Some things never change, and maturity levels should be among them

Yes i saw the transformers movie. And though it was not great (megatron is a gun, not a fighter jet, too many humans, bumblebee as a camaro?) and there were several issues i took with the movie and michael bay, it was overall enjoyable. Had i not grown up on the original series, i daresay it would have been downright fantastic. So why would i go see a movie which i had low expectations for?

A little known fact, but if you decode the part of the Y chromosome usually dismissed as junk DNA it actually reads GATTACATAGGATA-ROBOTSINDISGUISE-TTAGGATA-CATTACAG-BOOBIES. Fact.

For that matter, I think breasts are that one thing that everyone can agree on. World peace could probably happen if every woman on Earth collectively showed their breasts. I know people who say, “I’m more of an ass person”, yet they look with wide open eyes at the possibility of boobs demonstration. The fact remains that you’re not going to turn the opportunity down. Even if a girl said, “I have the ugliest titties in the world”, you’d still be like, “I think I’m going to have to see for myself”. Even if you want to do nothing with them, there’s nothing like seeing a titty. and that’s my take on that.

This post has been brought to you by 10 minutes of nothing to do while on call. Back to the professional world folks

-J

An amusement park in China has built what it claims is the world’s largest penis.

A Chinese theme park has built what it claims is the world’s largest penis. The 30ft totem stands at Longwan Shaman Amusement Park in Changchun city.

The 30ft erection, named sky pillar is totally not an attempt to compensate for anything at all. Really. The chinese swear.

Also, With more than a billion people now sharing
just 100 surnames, Chinese authorities are considering a landmark move
to try and end the confusion, state media reported Tuesday.

Current Chinese law states that children are only allowed take the
surname from either their mother or father, but the lack of variety
means there are now 93 million people in China with the family name
Wang.

That is really, really REALLY funny to me. TOO MANY WANGS IN CHINA! AUTHORITIES ALARMED!

-J

So when i was preparing for my trip to thailand, a friend mentioned to me that i should look for a restaurant called condoms and cabbages, figuring it would be right up my alley of wacky porn related adventures. Now since i do not speak thai my chances of finding this location should be slim to none

and yet! for our last few days in thailand we stayed with the parents of a friend from med school. And as it so turns out, while we were searching for their apartment building, we just so happened to come across the restaurant RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET from where they live.

I <3 the universe

the following pics you are about to see, are totally work safe, and entirely made from condoms

Seriously, how cool are these lamps? I wish i had one

Ha ha…stick figure sex safety

Oh so here is the view from the Mahapatra apt

Pretty nice, huh. Though it may not appear that way when you are in the city, bangkok is basically still in the jungle, and has these islands of urbania among the trees. Craziness i know.

next time-Pattaya!

-J

Fun Fact of the day from google: In addition to those of Rasputin, Napoleon, and John Dillinger, over 20
famous penises are believed to have been stolen by morgue workers and
sold on the black market.

It takes a special kind of mind to look at a cadaver and think, ya know, i could totally sell his wang on ebay

anyway, I was watching tv earlier, and saw a commercial for Cialis. And it was the most ridiculous thing i have ever seen. Here is someone’s most excellent description for you:

from felisdemens:
OH GOD GRANDPA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dear god. I have finally seen the most horrifying commercial ever.

It is, of course, for Cialis. Unsurprisingly.

Grandpa
pops some Cialis so he can sex up Grandma. However – oh noes! – the
whole nuclear family, with sprogs and dog, arrives unexpectedly for a
visit. No rumpy-pumpy for you, Granny! They exchange a rueful look
across the teeming, squalling masses of uninvited meat.

But wait! Ciagra-Panexa-Sanhedrin works for 36 hours! (But after 4 days call a doctor. And all your friends. And CNN.)

So
Grandpa and Grandma merrily join the family in a day of frolicking on
the seaside. Pushing the spawn in swings, picnicking, spray-painting
sea turtles, shooting heroin into their eyeballs, whatever families do.
Cause there’s always time for… oh, god, I can’t even finish that
sentence.

And all I can think about is that Grandpa has a GIANT CHEMICALLY INDUCED BONER THE ENTIRE TIME.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-J

Kerplaaaaahhhhh. I cannot make myself study this clinical neuro bullplop. I dont care if Dr. Sierles says his colleagues think it is going to be a hard test, I find it super difficult to concentrate and study for classes that i do not respect. I strongly suspect that come time to pick specialties i can cross psych off along with ob/gyn.

And in response to crystals complaint about the lack of medical studies done on womenfolk and sex, i present this link (as originaly discovered by JhawkJulie

Magnetic Resonance Imaging of Male and Female Genitals during coitus and female sexual arousal

meaning somebody got nookie in the mri tubes. w00t. that has grey’s anatomy written all over it, except, you know, interesting. The full article is worth reading but the highlights are:

1)during the missionary position, the male organ assumes the “shape of a boomerang”
2)uterus size does not increase during sexual arousal, but it does raise, and anterior vaginal wall lengthens
3) only one couple was able to achieve full penetration without pharmaceutical assistance because lets face it, an mri machine is cramped and probably not very romantic espcially when other scientists are sitting in the next room taking dirty pictures of your insides.

-J

What with valentines day coming up and all

this one’s for you mary

from Forbes Magazine:

The best that modern science can say for
abstinence is that it’s harmless when practiced in moderation. “Saving
yourself” before the big game, the big business deal, the big hoe-down
or the big bakeoff may indeed confer some moral advantage; but
physiologically it does zip.

Having
regular and enthusiastic sex, by contrast, confers a host of measurable
physiological advantages, be you male or female. (This assumes that you
are engaging in sex without contracting a sexually transmitted
disease.)

In one
of the most credible studies correlating overall health with sexual
frequency, Queens University in Belfast tracked the mortality of about
1,000 middle-aged men over the course of a decade. The study was
designed to compare people of similar age and health. Its findings,
published in 1997 in the British Medical Journal, were that men who
reported the highest frequency of orgasm enjoyed a death rate half that
of the laggards. Other studies (some rigorous, some less so) purport to
show that having sex even a few times a week has an associative or
causal relationship with the following

• Improved sense of smell: After sex,
  production of the hormone prolactin surges. This, in turn, causes stem
  cells in the brain to develop new neurons in the brain’s olfactory
  bulb, its smell center.
• Reduced risk of
  heart disease: In a 2001 follow-up to the Queens University study
  mentioned above, researchers focused on cardiovascular health. Their
  finding? That by having sex three or more times a week, men reduced
  their risk of heart attack or stroke by half.
• Weight
  loss, overall fitness: Sex, if nothing else, is exercise. A vigorous
  bout burns some 200 calories — about the same as running 15 minutes on
  a treadmill or playing a spirited game of squash. The pulse rate, in a
  person aroused, rises from about 70 beats per minute to 150, the same
  as that of an athlete putting forth maximum effort
• British researchers have determined that the
  equivalent of six Big Macs can be worked off by having sex three times
  a week for a year. Muscular contractions during intercourse work the
  pelvis, thighs, buttocks, arms, neck and thorax. Sex also boosts
  production of testosterone, which leads to stronger bones and muscles.
  Men’s Health magazine has gone so far as to call the bed the single
  greatest piece of exercise equipment ever invented.
• Reduced
  depression: A study of 293 women in 2002 had the same implications.
  American psychologist Gordon Gallup reported that sexually active
  participants whose male partners did not use condoms were less subject
  to depression than those whose partners did. One theory of causality:
  Prostoglandin, a hormone found only in semen, may be absorbed in the
  female genital tract, thus modulating female hormones.
• Pain
  relief: Immediately before orgasm, levels of the hormone oxytocin surge
  to five times their normal level. This, in turn, releases endorphins,
  which alleviate the pain of everything from headaches to arthritis to
  even migraines. In women, sex also prompts production of estrogen,
  which can reduce the pain of PMS.
• Less
  frequent colds and flu: Wilkes University in Pennsylvania says
  individuals who have sex once or twice a week show 30 percent higher
  levels of an antibody called immunoglobulin A, which is known to boost
  the immune system.
• Better bladder
  control: Heard of Kegel exercises? You do them, whether you know it or
  not, every time you stem your flow of urine. The same set of muscles is
  worked during sex.
• Better teeth:
  Seminal plasma contains zinc, calcium and other minerals shown to
  hinder tooth decay. Since this is a family web site, we will omit
  discussion of the mineral delivery system. Suffice it to say that it
  could be a far richer, more complex and more satisfying experience than
  squeezing a tube of Crest — even Tartar Control Crest. Researchers have
  noted, parenthetically, that sexual etiquette usually demands the
  brushing of one’s teeth before and/or after intimacy, which, by itself,
  would help promote better oral hygiene.
• A
  happier prostate? Some urologists believe they see a relationship
  between infrequency of ejaculation and cancer of the prostate. The
  causal argument goes like this: To produce seminal fluid, the prostate
  and the seminal vesicles take such substances from the blood as zinc,
  citric acid and potassium, and then concentrate them up to 600 times.
  Any carcinogens present in the blood likewise would be concentrated.
  Rather than have concentrated carcinogens hanging around causing
  trouble, it’s better to evict them. A study published by the British
  Journal of Urology International asserts that men in their 20s can
  reduce, by a third, their chance of getting prostate cancer by
  ejaculating more than five times a week.

-J