September 13, 2003

• Running across the terrain, attacking with buzzsaw hand extensions, cometh Rveblade! And he gives a cruel roar:

  I’m going to bludgeon you until you spontaneously degenerate!!!

  Or so goes as my battle cy, as determined by the wonderful world of the internet…want to know yours?

  http://bdmonkeys.net/~chaz/battle.php?usrname=rveblade&sex=m

  So, what mighty adventures hath befallen our hero this week? Well, letz take a look…

  Yea, and so it did come to pass that the Mighty Josh, also known heroically as Vladimir the Destroyer, not so heroically as rveblade, only marginally heroically as Ghost, and downright insultingly as the skinny white kid, didst set out on a quest. And this quest did entail the finding of treasures, and the rescuing of maidens, and the constant imperiling of life and limb! Herein lies the full tale (or at least the exciting exerpts) of this legend for the ages…

  Monday: Mighty Josh did mightily discover a castle, ruled over by an evil tyrant whose mad experiments included using cleverly shaped lenses on unsuspecting people to distort their natural view of the world, presumably to his own evil ends. Also found in this fiend’s dwelling lay innumerable torture devices. Drops placed into the victim’s eyes, cruel charts with naught but madness written on them, destined to drive the poor squinting peasants insane trying to make sense of, devices for poking into people’s eye to determine the pressure under which the tyrant had put them.

  “At Last!” Thought Josh…I shall bring low this monster and make a glorious name for myself as an adventurer. But realizing that to take down the monster would require a plan, and also realizing that he needed some equally heroic letters of recommendation, Josh wisely didst decide to wait before implementing his plan. He retired to his abode after spending the day scouting the lair of darkness and so did end a most adventurous day

  Tuesday: Mighty Josh did sleep in today, and spent lots of time training for his upcoming battle, mostly by running around in the back with his noble companion, a demon in dog’s guise he had named…Nikka

  Wednesday: Mighty Josh continued his training..etc etc…runes, noble heroic errands and so on and so forth

  Thursday: As Josh was just preparing to go slay the beast, his trusty cell phone didst sound an alarm. The fair caroline was a prisoner of boredom, with none to save her from the evils of studying. Verily, Josh dids’t sally forth in his Honda to disperse the rabble of boredom holding the Beauteous caroline prisoner. Successfully didst he slay, and was rewarded with a kiss from the maiden…also diddy riese cookies

  Friday: The mighty Josh returned to the lair of evil and decided that working for the tyrant was a lot more reliable financially than being a hero, so in lieu of conquering the fiend and stealing the hoard, he contented himself with a paycheck and the knowlege that one day his great deeds would be internationally known…any day now…just you wait

  Later that evening, the Mighty Josh (who was just going by Josh now, save all that mightiness crap for someone else) didst return to the Wood of the West, a prosperous village without a wood in sight, and made a brief stop at the local place for heroes to gather in the eveing to burn various sacrifices according to their beliefs. Thereing he and his friends, fraternal brothers in arms all, except for those who were not, didst burn the remains of the day and recount their great exploits in front of many a rapt would be adventurer. During this Josh didst mention that he would be skydiving on the sabbath, that most holy of days and asked his fellow adventurers who would feel the freedom of the skies with him.

  At which point his brave fellow adventurers looked mysteriously away and mumbled something like “bugger that for a game of soldiers” or something to a similar effect. So with all his heroic companions suddenly remembering great quests of their own, Josh didst return home to prepare for his great undertaking

  Saturday: Josh did many a nothing, and exchanged many a noble and glorious communication with the three mercenaries, brave men all, who were to accompany him the next day to jump….and the sun set…

  And now you all know why I do not write novels for a living…however, it does make for an entertaining way of describing a rather humdrum week of work, does it not? Skydiving again tomorrow, very excited, more to follow on that if i survive

  Moral of the Story: A bored Josh is a dangerous thing

  • 7:28 pm
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