March 9, 2004

• Eww…I am sensing a pessimistic, quasi-depressive mood coming on. Perhaps a diet coke of depression…just one calorie, not quite depression enough. A quote appropriately taken from Dr. Evil,  a title I am beginning to suspect may be a long time in coming for me. Apparently, UCLA has fucked up my letters of rec again, this time with SUNY Brooklyn. I paid my 25 dollars to ensure that the letters would be sent (priority no less, they are supposed to guarantee delivery), and on the website, it says the letters have been sent. However, i received a letter yesterday from SUNY notifying me that because they had not received my letters as of yet, my application was incomplete, and therefore terminated. I received this letter yesterday. I had my letters sent PRIORITY FUCKING DELIVERED IN THREE DAYS MAIL as of gee, oh, what was it again , yeah that’s right FUCKING NOVEMBER. So everyone can clearly understand my unspeakable rage and disappointment in UCLA, they pulled thi shit with my letters to Loyola Chicago as well, but I caught it, and forced them to call the school up and accept my application since UCLA was the one at fault.

  Now here is the kicker. UCLA has now not only robbed me of $25 for the letters, but another $80 to mail a secondary application which is now void, and a possible interview that they may ave granted me had they reviewed my application had it arrived complete and on time. Now the way things are going lately, it is doubtful that I would have gotten anything other than a rejection from the school, but that is beside the point…their inept bungling, the conga line of idiocy that makes up the beauracratic system of UCLA has screwed me out of a possible acceptance to medical school.

  But wait there’s more…who is to blame for all this? According to my mother, ME. Yes that’s right, as a medical student hopeful, it is my responsibility to track the status of my application and my incomplete application (caused apparently by me paying UCLA to send my letters somewhere and foolishly assuming that they would do it, being as how that is what the letter of rec service is for,) this is all my fault as I am too apathetic, pessimisstic, insert derogatory term of your choice to give a damn about how my life turns out.

  Yes, thank you mother, i needed to hear that. Coz the rest of the application process is going ever so hunky dory for me right now. I have been too apathetic to send out over 25 applications to schools which, except for 7 i have yet to hear from have denied me even an interview much less an acceptance. I have been far too apathetic to seek out professors, employers, and coworkers to provide me with letters of recommendation detailing my extracurricular exploits. I have been far too lazy to study my ass off for the MCATs to the exclusion of schoolwork and grades, lowering my GPA, which is apparently all the med schools care about. I have been such a bum the last 4 years of my pre-medical career with all the classes that i guess i just slept through to get my B’s. And you know, given all that laziness i have had in my goals to become a medical practitioner, I suppose it only follows that I should be optimistic…after all, pessimism is only excusable if you have been working for some goal which you see denied you at every turn. How silly of me. What was I thinking?

  No one can ever truly understand what goes on inside an individuals mind.

  However, I did get a little chuckle out of the latest UCLA scandal. Yes, yes, I am a bruin right now and all that, but I have never been a big person on school spirit, and even less so once they rejected my ass for medical school, and lately screwed up my chances of going to others. SO what is the scandal?

  Well a large number of kind, considerate people will, upon their death, indicate that they wish to donate their bodies to science for the greater understanding of mankind. And UCLA, kind caring, instititution that it ishas spent the better part of who knows how may years selling off those body parts for money.

  …

  I had to take a brief pause from xangaing to get a lecture from my parents again on how i have no ambition, drive, don’t really want to be a doctor, etc, they have invested so much money in me and it is all going to waste, yada yada yada, long story short I am a horrible human being. I think i need some time to myself to figure out what i want to do with my life, as no one, including me anymore, thinks i am going to get accepted this year, if ever.

  …

  and here my g/f’s in the past have all complained about me being emotionally reticent, and unable to share what i am thinking…

  {no funny pic this time…too busy being angry/upset/perhaps apathetic…whatever}

  -Josh

  “I didn’t go to evil medical school for 7 years to be called ‘mister’”
  “and I didn’t go at all”

  • 2:24 am
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