November 18, 2005

• You think your day was rough?…

  I have written and deleted several things now because i cant think of how to start this entry. So let me just give you the bare bones and see what you can come up with

  Today I had to bisect a wang.

  let that simmer for a moment.

  In case any of you are confused by my technical terminology, allow me to clarify. I was forced (and i mean forced in the sense that everyone else in my group flat out refused to do it, never mind that one of them was a girl) anyway i was forced to take our sharpest scalpel and literally cut charles’ penis right down the middle

  I will take another moment here for the guys reading this to catch their breath, uncover their giblets, and empathize with me here

  Now those of you who know me in any sense at all should know that i am not squeamish. I ripped out handfuls of guts, i have torn out a human heart and cut it up, i have made obscene gestures on the cadaver’s hands using only my knowledge of muscle actions, and i look forward to dissecting the face and learning about the structures

  but slicing the schlong is something i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. As Austin Powers puts it, that’s something you just dont do to a man baby.

  The girls in anatomy lab did not apparently empathize with the guys and some took what i feel to be an unpleasantly unhealthy excitement in the prospect. Or at the very least called us babies and said how they were not all upset over tearing out the uterus.

  Guys say it with me now: this is DIFFERENT. Women, you dont see your uterus up close and personal everyday

  Now let me go ahead and paint you a picture. Imagine taking your sharpest scalpel. First, remove the skin from the penis and scrotum like some kind of medieval torturer. Make sure you go to your happy place and think of nothing but puppies and Jessica Alba so you can try to ignore the fact that you are holding a dead man’s dong and removing the skin from it

  Next, begin your transection of the trouser snake. Take that sharp scalpel and stab it deep into the pubic symphis above the base of the phallus. Now draaaag it down to the urethral opening several times, all the while humming to yourself and looking the other way as often as possible so you dont have to think about the horrible horrible thing you are doing to another man until you actually feel the two halves fall open.

  Repress shudder. Open eyes.

  Now it’s time for the scrotum! (To the tune of Battle Hymn of the Republic)

  Oh the scrotum is a very hairy pouchy wrinkly sac
  it is something that all men have and all women gladly lack
  inside it are the testicles, nestled back to back
  the scrotum is a sac!

  [chorus]
  Left Nut Right Nut, hallelujah
  turn boys into men, I salute ya
  if they start to become sore, readjust them some more
  the scrotum what’s it for

  Regulating tempurature, the scrotal thermostat
  when its warm outside they hanng low and if colder further back
  around the time of puberty, the testicles grow fat
  the scrotum is a sac

  So yes halved the scrotum as well. Had a traumatized look on my face for a while and then got back to business. Took a regular saw because no one could find the bone saws and split charles from the ass crack to the iliac crest and then down, separating out a leg

  To recap: charles los his ribcage early on, lost both his arms to the anatomy practical, and in removing a leg we sawed through most of his torso. The man is basically a head on a hollow cavity by this point. not pretty, but educational.

  Inside we found once we split him the inside of his bladder was apprently luck of the irish green. No one, including the professors knows why, but thats just the way it was.

  So with that said, I am off to radiology to learn about imaging and hopefully repress all the things I had to see today

  -J

  The Josh is secure in his sexuality, but still disturbed by the fact that he has something in common with Lorena Bobbitt

  • 2:50 pm
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