January 30, 2006

• And The Lists go on and on…

  I am going med post crazy lately!

  Ever wondered about the medical history of U.S. presidents? well, wonder no more, for google has documented all the way up to dubya! Seriously though, this site is pretty interesting

  Help stop medical slang
  from going out of use! Where would we be if doctors couldnt write FLK
  on charts (thats funny looking kid syndrome in med terminolgy) No,
  really.

  I remember my mom telling me she used to see that on charts when she
  did her residency and it took her the longest time to figure out what
  it meant. Here is the list from the article, but do you guys know any
  more?

  CTD – Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)

  GLM – Good looking Mum (aka MILF)

  GPO – Good for Parts Only

  TEETH – Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy

  UBI – Unexplained Beer Injury
  NFN -Normal for Norfolk
  FLK-Funny looking kid
  GROLIES-Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt
  TTFO-Told (patient) To Fuck Off
  LOBNH-Lights On But Nobody Home
  CNS-QNS-Central
  Nervous System – Quantity Not Sufficient,
  Pumpkin Positive-  the implication that a penlight
  shone into the patient’s mouth would encounter a brain so small that
  the whole head would light up
  DBI refers to “Dirt Bag Index”-multiplies the
  number of tattoos with the number of missing teeth to give an estimate
  of the number of days since the patient last bathed.
  PFO-Patient Fell Over
  PGT- Patient Got Thumped
  

  Digging for Worms – varicose vein surgery

  Departure lounge – geriatric ward

  Handbag positive – confused patient (usually elderly lady) lying on hospital bed clutching handbag

  Woolworth’s Test – Anaesthetic term (if you can imagine patient shopping in Woolies, it’s safe to give a general anaesthetic)

  And looky what I found: The Med School Nerd Scale

  The following scale has been developed in close cooperation with the
  UVA psychiatry services. It is designed to test if you have spent too
  much time in medical school and whether you are having adverse side
  effects due to prolonged exposure. Score one point for each statement
  that applies to you.

  1 You have ever said “Netter is god”.
  
  2 You can discuss autopsy/ anatomy over a meal
  
  3 You own a 4 color pen
  4 -it just isn’t enough colors for you
  5 You use more than one color to take notes
  6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
  
  7 you have ever highlighted something YOU wrote
  8 you retype handouts given in class
  
  9 you haven’t had a date in 3 months
  
  10 you haven’t had a date since entering med school
  
  11 you have not been able to remember the normal term for something
  because you were thinking of the medical term (ie reflux for heartburn)
  
  12 You get more sleep in lecture than at home
  
  13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
  
  14 -you also know what it means
  
  15 You have ever asked a question in class
  
  16 -The prof. didn’t understand the question
  
  17 -you didn’t believe the answer the prof. gave
  
  18 -you went to look it up to see if they were right
  
  19 You can’t hold a conversation on anything other than med school
  
  20 You skip class to study
  
  21 You’ve said you didn’t do well on a test on which you beat the mean
  
  22 You spend more than 15 hrs a week on e-mail
  
  23 You have a callous on you finger from writing
  
  24 More than one professor knows you by name
  25 When you ask a question, a new professor has said “Oh, I’ve heard of you”
  
  26 You can name more amino acids than past presidents(w/o singing the president song anyway)
  27 You use more than 5 acronyms an hour when talking
  
  28 you actually know what PERRLA stands for (pupils equally round and reactive to light-now you know too!)
  
  29 You know all the steps of the TCA cycle
  30 You do not read PTA as parent teachers association
  
  31 You can remember the muscles in the forearm
  
  32 You know the strucures in the urea cycle
  
  33 You know the dermatome distribution
  
  34 You can’t remember what you had for breakfast (Hell, i lose track of what day it is, forget about meals)
  35 You can’t spell world, much less backwards
  36 You’ve ever been sexually aroused by the breast shadow on an X-ray
  37 You equate “morning stiffness” with Rhematoid Artheritis
  
  38 You actually know normal values for plasma Na
  
  39 -K
  
  40 Missing class causes you extreme stress
  
  41 You have seriously asked someone “So how does that make you feel?”
  
  42 You have asked will this be on the exam
  43 -Just after the prof. said it wouldn’t
  
  44 You identify with med students on tv shows.
  
  45 You have made a medical joke
  
  46 -no one laughed
  
  47 -You figure they just weren’t that far in their studying
  48 You wear your stethescope around your neck on the bus
  
  49 -you don’t even know which way the thing goes in your ears
  
  50 “SOB” means short of breath to you
  51 You have gone to student health with suspicion of a disease you have studied
  52 -within 3 days of the lecture
  
  53 You have answered a question in class
  
  54 -asked by the professor
  
  55 -it was a rhetorical question
  56 You can quote lines from the movie “Malice”
  57 -you believe them
  
  58 You can flip your pen over your thumb
  
  59 -with both hands
  
  60 -you do so throughout class
  
  61 You have corrected a professor in class (to be fair, dr mcormack loses his train of thought, and several students have corrected him)
  62 -the rest of the class didn’t understand the lecture to begin with
  
  63 You know how to claculate specificity
  
  64 -positive predictive value
  
  65 -anion gap
  66 -you can’t balance your checkbook
  67 You don’t know what the weather was like for the past week
  
  68 You don’t know what the weather is like right now
  
  69 You actually talk in open ended questions
  70 DIC isn’t a slang term for the penis in your book
  
  71 You think B-is a bad grade
  
  72 you have stressed about a pass/fail class
  73 You study during most of your meals (not this year!)
  74 You saw nothing abnormal about the Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
  75 You draw all of the slides not already provided in the handouts
  76 -including the cartoons (humourous type)
  
  77 Anatomy makes you hungry
  
  78 You would even consider saying “Ease back on my finger at your own pace”
  
  79 You know the size of a RBC
  
  80 -you don’t know the size of a football field
  81 Your eyesight has worsened by 10 pts or more in the last year
  
  82 You have the library hours memorized
  
  83 Hou have your own seat in the library
  84 You score more than 95 on the Epidemiology final
  
  85 You own more than one white coat
  
  86 You have debated between giving up sleep or eating in order to find more time to study
  87 You started studying for boards more than 2 months in advance
  
  88 You have never received a personal invitation to discuss your grades with the dean
  89 A tie is the only addition necessary to what you normally wear when you go to see patients
  90 You wear scrubs to tests
  
  91 You have made plans to study during vacation
  
  92 -you actually did
  
  93 You have a designated seat in lecture
  
  94 -You have ever asked someone to move from “your seat”
  
  95 You sleep less than 4 hrs a night
  96 -you think that is plenty
  97-you have thought about cutting back
  
  98 You study more than 35 hrs outsid of class
  
  99 -you think you are a slackard
  100 You think everyone answers yes to most of these questions

  Scale
  <20 You’re not in Med school.Go back to your party and leave us alone.We have work to do.
  20-35 Either Med school is a breeze or you like the sound of “Senor doctor”
  35-45 Gotta love that Primary Care
  45-60 Well, I never really thought about MD/Phd, but now that you mention it…
  
  60-75 Your social life is shot, might as well try to earn lots of money
  75-90 Which surgery subspecialty did you say you liked?
  90+ All hail, great Med School Nerd master.

  Damn. 66 and its only first year. No wonder I haven’t been on any dates lately

  Attention People of Earth: The medical community is NOT telling you the truth about your amniotic fluid.
  When you take health class, or ever talk about pregnancy in class, the
  amniotic fluid is just this vague fluid that somehow develops to
  cushion the infant. It’s just kind of there, and you don’t generally
  ask what it is, or how it got there. And now I know why. Y’see, the
  amniotic fluid is basically, uh, fetal pee.
  It’s quite a beautiful
  cycle. You drink your pee, pee it out, bathe in it, and drink it again.
  No, really. If you’re really all that curious, google is always there
  for you like aladdins big ol techno-genie, but really, ignorance is,
  without a doubt, bliss

  Ask anyone who has studied embryo.

  This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs. This is your brain on drugs for thinking this is an effective ad campaign

  Some highlights:

  “I have read reports about how marijuana messes with your brain
  chemistry. It induces dopamine and causes a chemical imbalance,” Modrek
  said. “A chemical imbalance can cause someone to suffer from depression.

  -Dopamine is a brain transmitter. Lots of things induce dopamine!
  petting a dog for goodness sakes induces dopamine! And as for chemical
  imbalances, well you know what else causes them? Anger. Happiness.
  Menstruation. But hey, this lady has read reports! she sounds informed!
  and intelligent! gratuitous exclamation!

  Dr. Peter Martin, director of the Vanderbilt Addiction
  Center in
  Tennessee, said that the “brain on drugs” commercial gives teens a
  perfect picture of what drugs can do to their brains. “I think that
  (commercial) is a beautiful and accurate description of my patients,”
  Martin said.

  -If this doctor sees his patients as frying eggs, I would be concerned more for him…

  An interesting article anyway.

  And now some Law Versus Medicine…clips from this newpaper article
  have been hanging on the fridge since i was a kid. My personal favorite?

  Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
  A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
  Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
  A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
  
  wonderful, isn’t it?

  -J

  The Josh wonders how much practice doctors need before they are actaully ready

  • 12:18 am
  • 4 Comments