July 10, 2007
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More than meets the eye…
next spain post coming on my day off…in the meantime
A LETTER TO
OPTIMUS PRIME
FROM HIS GEICO
AUTO INSURANCE
AGENT.
Dear Mr. Prime,
We have received your
accident-claim reports for the month of June—they total 27. I regret to
inform you that GEICO will not be able to reimburse you for any of
those repairs. I feel that I have sent the same letter to you once a
month for the last six months, and I am now sending it again.Since becoming a
GEICO customer in January of this year, you have reported 131
accidents, requesting reimbursement for repairs necessitated by each
one. You have claimed not to be responsible in any of them, usually
listing the cause of the accident as either “Sneak attack by
Decepticons” or “Unavoidable damage caused by protecting freedom for
all sentient beings.”The only repairs
for which you were reimbursed were the replacement of a cracked fender
and a headlight, required after a Mr. I. Ron Hide backed his van into
your truck; these cost $1,286.63. Our own investigation concluded that
you were not at fault and that Mr. Hide had been drinking prior to the
accident. Though police were unable to test his blood-alcohol level—Mr.
Hide claimed that it would be impossible for police to examine his
blood-alcohol content with a Breathalyzer, because he “doesn’t
breathe”—under Washington-state law, refusal to take a Breathalyzer
test is equivalent to returning a result above the legal level.But, I repeat,
those were the only repairs for which you have been reimbursed, and it
was a very minor accident in comparison to your other claims. I mention
a few to illustrate the larger trend:- $379,431.34 requested
reimbursement for repairs to your truck cabin. You claimed the damage
was caused by attacking fighter jets. - $665,789.11
requested reimbursement for repairs to your trailer. You claimed the
damage was caused by a giant mechanical scorpion, which I can only
assume is some amusement-park ride, although I question the wisdom of
bringing your mobile home so close to such dangerous equipment. - $6,564,239.44
requested reimbursement for repairs to a truck part called the “Autobot
Matrix of Leadership.” You stated this occurred in “an ultimate
confrontation between good and evil,” with a Ms. Meg Atron and a Mr. U.
Nicron causing the damage in question. Mr. Prime, I have checked every
known car- and truck-part catalog published in the United States and
have found nothing even resembling that part, never mind any part so
expensive. Whatever disagreements you had with Ms. Atron and Mr.
Nicron, I suggest that next time you either settle things peaceably or
leave your Autobot Matrix of Leadership at home so it doesn’t break.
GEICO does not cover Autobot Matrix of Leaderships.
And the list goes on. Mr.
Prime, I am going to remind you again: Your policy with GEICO only
reimburses you for accidents that occur while you are engaged in the
reasonable use of your truck and trailer. As I told you when you
originally purchased the policy, GEICO does not offer Megatron
coverage, Starscream coverage, Soundwave coverage, Decepticon coverage,
or Energon-blast coverage. Those are just not the types of damages we
would expect from reasonable use.To sum up, GEICO
has been unable to reimburse you for any repairs, but due to the high
number of accidents you have been a party to this month, combined with
the many accidents you have had in the preceding five months, your
premium has increased to $235,567.50 per month. While that may seem
like a lot, I remind you that it is a savings of $137 over Progressive
and $98 over State Farm. Please have your check into our main office by
the end of July.Regards,
Simon Furman
GEICO Agent-J
- $379,431.34 requested
Comments (2)
lol…love ur terms….halo drinkering
hahaha….love it!!!
hello the josh!!!!!!!!!! how are you ^__^