August 11, 2007

• Smell you later

  In lieu of todays blown about the windy city feature, I saw the bourne ultimatum (awesome) and had to run errands. I was at the WalGreens buying mouthwash (which is one
  of those funny things people do. When you’re a kid, Mom and Dad
  threaten to wash your mouth out with soap when you say a bad word, but
  when you’re grown, you wash your mouth out with nasty-tasting stuff on
  purpose, even when you haven’t done anything wrong). Anyway, I’m
  walking past the rows and rows of shampoos and soaps and toothpastes and what have you, and my eye strays to a tube of
  deodorant with a brownish label, which is just weird enough to make me
  stop and stare. Deodorant is supposed to either come in bold, manly
  colors (for guys), or pretty sparkly pastel colors (for girls). I’m not
  really sure where brown fits in on that spectrum. So I stopped and took
  a closer look, and discovered that the label was attached to a tube of vanilla chai scented deodorant.

  Now
  don’t get me wrong – I like vanilla, and chai, and vanilla chai. I’m just not sure I want one in my
  underarms. Armpits should not smell like something edible. It could
  lead to all kinds of awkward situations. I’ll leave that to your
  imagination, because I’m not sure either of us want to think about what
  could happen if your boyfriend/girlfriend happened to get hungry in the middle of
  the night. Makes me wonder what they’ll think up next. How about
  chocolate deodorant? Or doughnut? Maybe we could get adventurous and go
  for pepperoni pizza scent, or cheeseburger and fries. That could lead
  to some awesome conversations: “Hm. Does anyone else smell pizza?” “Oh,
  that’s just my armpits.” I’ll bet you could meet some interesting
  people that way.

  At the risk of Too Much
  Information, I’ll say that the tube I own right now is axe body spray, which has yet to have women tackling me in the street. Before that I used to have some stuff claiming to be
  “Inspiration” scented. It never particularly inspired me, which is
  probably just as well. When someone came to me and asked me, “Where did
  you pull that crazy idea from?” I’d have to tell them honestly
  that it came from my armpits. That’s a step up from some other body
  parts, I guess, but it still doesn’t sound very good.

  -J

  • 7:50 pm
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