August 30, 2007

• STAT

  Another night...or day in the ED, and some more fun stories

  First up is a psych patient from the nursing home with an insatiable curiosity or sex drive, based on the fact that she has apparently been in to the ED on multiple occasions for inserting things into her rectum. Anythying that happens to be handy in fact. The straw that broke the camels back on this occasion was a flyswatter...wide end out so she can handle pest control while shaking her booty

  After her is our abdominal pain rapper. He likes to recite terrible angst-ridden prose. Anything ending in "uck"
  inevitably winds up rhyming with the f-bomb. Apparently he has an
  ex-girlfriend that didn't consider their relationship exclusive. He's
  not taking it well

  Next a gentleman who in the midst of a daring escape from the police decided to hop a wrought iron fence, and didnt quite make it, leading to a large gash in his leg which had to be sutured up, and quite frankly he was a baby about it. Let my mean side rear its head and tell him to stop fidgeting and let me finish my work so i dont stab him in the eye with the lidocaine needle. Oh and did i mention that i had to do this at unnatural angles for my back because the patient had to be handcuffed to the bed for the entire time? Ah the ability to talk sass, relatively speaking, to someone handcuffed down and unable to defend themselves...haven't had that much fun since my ex-girlfriend

  This is followed by a rectal exam on a baby who has been pooping blood. I have learned that baby exams are done with the pinky instead of the index finger...and that NOBODY likes it when you stick a finger up their butt, surprise surprise

  Then in my most normal patient of the night, an ABG draw which is apparently a painful procedure, not receiving any anethetic since putting 2 needles in for the sake of one is just overkill. Given that it was my first time ever doing this, and venous blood gases are much more likely to obtain if done wrong, i was giving myself a congratulatory pat on the back when i nailed it FIRST TRY...beginners luck or not, the resident was impressed. w00tsauce

  So given the 8 hour shifts, during which there really is no down time, i dont have a lot of time to study. This is because right about the time I get off shift, i go home and sleep, waking up only in time to make it to my next shift after which the whole sordid affair is repeated. In short this rotation, it is my goal to remember THIS: the difference between a B+ and an A- is a nervous breakdown.

  off to a 2-10pm shift, followed by a 6am-2pm. That is 8 hours in between shifts for me to leave the hospital get home, sleep, wake up and try and eat someting and then return to the hospital

  *sigh*

  -J
  

  • 2:07 pm
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