September 26, 2007

• Kids get the darndest things

  I just learned that breakfast is provided at grand rounds at my hospital. I got to consume a breakfast burrito and fruit salad while learning about ventilator accquired pneumonia manifestations. If you can imagine how happy this makes me, you might just be a medical student.

  Wednesdays are half days for me since I am required to attend lectures in the afternoon. This means I only see a few patients. Among them was one of the most cooperative children I have ever had the privilege of treating. He was in for continued treatment of his warts. We used cryotherapy on them which basically means dipping cotton swabs in liquid nitrogen, then applying said liquid nitrogen to the warts to freeze them into a scab, which then comes off, and hey, no more wart.

  As soon as liquid nitrogen was mentioned, I of course was picturing Demolition Man (another movie reference! can you keep up with my pop culture?) imagining the wart turning blue, then white, then shattering like wesley snipes. Sadly, no such luck, and it turns out that warts can occasionally require six or seven treatments like this to cure. However, at the end, the doctor let the kid throw the cup of remaining nitrogen on the floor where it instantly evaporated and turned to ninja style smoke, so that was cool.

  The next patient was another kid for me to torture. I say torture because they all start out smiling and happy, and easily distractable while you listen to their heart and lungs. Then you need to check head and neck and hoo boy. or girl. The eyes are touch and go. The mouth is basically the entire room of adults opening their mouths, sticking their tongues out and making all sorts of weird faces, while the baby stares tight lipped just thinking “uh uh uh” (make a finger snapping motion with that sound, it works better).

  Of course, the baby only stays tight lipped until you try to look in the ears, at which point the gates of hell are opened and banshee screams rip out. And like a good doctor, i pretty much ignore the childs distress, and hold him down while i do what i want anyway. A trick i have learned in ER is you hold the childs arms above their head, parallel to the surface you are laying them on, because not only can you restrain both arms from flailing this way, but the child also cant turn their head away while you look in each ear. And while they are screaming, you can also get a pretty good look in the throat, making the attempts to get an open mouth before even more ridiculous.

  No other patients in the morning made for good stories for all youse, though they were still good learning experiences for me, practicing my workups, assessment plans and the like. One amusing comment from the afternoon lecture however.

  It was on febrile seizures and the lecturer mentioned the ideal place to take a tempurature from a child is the rectum. Now complete the sentence:

  “Now you absolutely must take a febrile childs tempurature. One important thing to keep in mind is that children have very tight ___”

  were you thinking rectums? Because Ritika and I certainly were, and we had a hearty chuckle. Us, the two dirty minded people in the room of 12. Or at least the only ones willing to admit to it. So what did you fill in the blank with?

  “Now you absolutely must take a febrile childs tempurature. One
  important thing to keep in mind is that children have very tight tempurature control”
  
  
  dont try to pretend like you knew that.

  Shoutouts:
  Nakochan: I promised to do shoutouts every post, gimme a chance, willya? Hows tax-gathering?
  RoninMK: digging the karaoke, you sound great!
  Genstome: Heloooo for no reason! I ran into angelas college roomate randomly today.
  JhawkJulie: I still chuckle when i write f/u on notes. I may grow old, but i shall never grow up!

  Now that we have reached the bottom of the medically related stuff, I pose a question to you all. Purely Hypothetical of course

  If one of my female classmates has professed an enjoyment for trying new things, horror movies, top chef, and above all, zombie preparedness without previously knowing of my interest in these things, and if said female classmate and I were hanging out more in the last week or so…what do you think would be the reaction to my asking her out?

  Not that this will change what I do, but i thought i would ask anyway, given my lousy track record lately with the ability to judge the reactions of the fairer sex. For more on this track record, read backlogs, or talk to me in realtime on AIM! For all other inquiries please leave your comment at the sound of the beep

  beep.
  

  • 8:07 pm
  • 7 Comments