January 15, 2009

  • Like a god damn tsunami


    Well, the ophthalmology match was today, and as my facebook status clearly reflects, I was not among the happy celebrants. It doesnt reflect seeing all my classmates applying for optho who matched. It doesnt reflect the nagging sensation that somehow if I had been smarter, more capable, or just different in some way things may have gone differently

    I knew it was a long shot from the beginning. Since leaving college I have not been among the best of students. I am nowhere near the top of my class, my standardized test scores are craptacular at best, and my research portfolio is nonexistent, mostly because I despise research. Despite that, I hoped with the use of personal connections I could obtain at least a few interviews and sneak by on my charm.

    Maybe I shouldnt have told people what I was going for...then I would not have had to explain to those asking the whys and wherefores. But I am not good at keeping quiet...secrets yes, but not just quiet in general...too much of an attention grabber in me.

    So, its on to my silver medal, internal medicine, which admittedly I am more competitive for and should hopefully have a better chance of matching to my top choice. However, I will not be posting my rank list, protected or otherwise. I dont think I could deal with the disappointment of explaining away multiple major failures if it comes to that. I have to live with my inadequacies, but I do not need to broadcast them repeatedly.

    I will still likely end up happy in internal, and I am glad I tried for optho, but I simply wasnt good enough...and that is not a fun thing to have to confront.

Comments (8)

  • that's.... just suck...

    but i'm sure you're gonna make it.... i can see enthusiasm reflected in every posts of your page. and who knows.. maybe this is really the best subject for you

  • You have done your best (to your ability back then), and that's all that you should ask of yourself.

    p.s Charm/flattery will get you everywhere.. lol..  

  • Te invitaria a una cerveza o talvez...en mi caso, ron y coca cola.  Ultimamente he estado pensando en la mierda que pasa en la vida, debe de haber una razon no?  Te mando saludos, lei esto cuando lo escribiste pero hasta ahora pude comentar.  Y no se por que estoy escribiendo en espa~nol.  Bueno, disculpa el cruce de cables linguisticos.  Saludos.

  • I'm not good at keeping quiet about things either.  Sorry you didn't get your first choice, but you are going to be a great doctor when you find your place.  Good luck!

  • I'm so sorry to hear about this Mr. J.  I personally think you'll make a great doctor - regardless of what field you end up in.  You will make a difference.  If you want to talk, please call/message/facebook me.  

  • Let's go drinking. Or go to karaoke again... or both! Journey will make everything better.

  • My friend,

    I want to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt condolences over your loss. I know what it is like to fall short of a goal, especially when you punish yourself for not having done more, knowing you were fully capable. It is possible, however, that it simply wasn't meant to be.

    What would it take to go into optho later?

  • I'm sorry to hear that you didn't get ophthalmology.  I thought the match and the scramble weren't until March?  I knew someone who would start faxing programs all over the country after the match results came out.  It was quite an adrenaline rush to watch him...

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