June 9, 2009

• Captain Horatio Magellan Crunch

  a woman from California has sued the makers of Cap’n Crunch for apparently deceiving her about the nature of “crunchberries,” specifically that the cereal contained no real fruit in the form of actual crunchberries.

  Now, while the judge in this case was at least rational enough to dismiss the case outright, this is still an extremely humiliating venture for bipeds everywhere. Nevermind that any idiot (yes, even many literal idiots) should be able to tell from looking at the box that these are not real fruit, the real problem is where this sort of thing is likely to lead. Do I have a reasonable hope of suing because Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn’t made from actual toast? If my good fortune is not raised by eating a bowl of Lucky Charms? How about if there are not actual rocks and stones in that box of Cocoa Pebbles? Let’s not even get started about Life.

  And these are the folks who will be making up my new patient population. Awesome.

  Oh yeah, and the title? That really is cap’n crunch’s real name

  First Egypt post later tonight. Are you excited? You are, I can feel it.

  • 9:04 pm
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