June 14, 2009

• Road to Jordan: Feluccas on the Nile

  Well after several days of running around in 100+ degree heat like a chicken with its head cut off, short round and I were ready to take it easy for a little while. After all, part of every good vacation is not just seeing the sights of the country, but living the life, absorbing the culture. The United States is really missing out on this whole siesta concept.

  So when we returned from Abu Simbel, Short Round and I, along with the majority of our tour group immediately hopped on to a felucca to enjoy two days cruising down the Nile.
  
     

  But What is a felucca? It is Egypt’s traditional sailboat, in use for over 2000 years. Egypt is blessed with with a predominant southerly wind that pushes sailboats upriver, while allowing them to return on its current downstream. So pile on to Captain Fuzzy’s feluccas and spend the next two days relaxing and cruising down the Nile with me
  
  Short Round took to this form of transportation almost immediately.
  Some of my shipmates, Ginnie, Duncan, Tricia and Angelo (it was their honeymoon, everyone clap!) By this point in the tour we had all spent a good deal of time with one another, and we all felt comfortable calling one another friend and mocking our fellow tourmates ceaselessly.
  
  We ate together*, simple food as in the ancient days, bread, falafel, goat cheese, and cucucumbers
  
  We played together, we drank together. Above our tour guide Sam, provides us with traditional egyptian music, which apparently consists of drinking until you think you know how to use traditional instruments. I kid, I kid. He never thought he knew how to use it.

  We played the drinking game 21, as taught to me by the Wilsons (handy folks to know, aren’t they?) It basically consists of everyone going around in a circle counting to 21, and whoever end up on that number creates a new drinking rule. If you forget what number you are on, or dont do the proper rule associated with the number like high fiving instead of saying the number five, or switching the order of the numbers 14 and 4, you take another drink.

  This game is much harder than it sounds.

  
  Be warned, in some cases it may lead to donkey rape.
  
  But I guess if it’s consensual, it’s still okay, right craig?

  As evening of the first night approached (I was getting hammered and sleeping on a boat all day, how many pics do you want?) We pulled alongshore not for one of our frequent potty breaks*, but to spend the night eating dinner with some more Nubians in an actual Nubian house. I like the word nubian. nubian nubian nubian.

  
  The rooms have domed ceilings to circulate the air better and cool it, as electricity is not a high priority, and windows would get too hot.
   
  Bright colors, and large open courtyards make the place feel just as welcoming as any home in beverly hills
   
  

  Not a bad life, if you can break away from the Matrix for a while.

  We spent the night docked on the banks of the Nile, and arose either with the 4:00AM haunting call to prayer, or the 5:00AM sunrise, depending how heavy a sleeper you were
  
  Sunrise illuminates the Nubian Moon
   
  And shortly after the rest of the Nile.

  Now those of you who follow my travels know I am no stranger to Sunrises. Usually they are from a jungle, or a mountain or even a rooftop. A river sunrise however, is something else entirely. The light on the water, the stillness of the air, the sheer act of just being awake is practically transcendental in and of itself. These meditative nature sojourns are what lets me maintain the maturity of a 5 year old while presenting the professionalism of the 28 years I actually have.
  
  
  In case you are wondering what these kids are floating on, it is plastic bottles in a garbage bag as in impromptu raft. Recycle, Reduce, Reuse and close the loop!

  We began our second day of tacking up and drifting slowly back down the Nile and it went pretty much the same as the first with one or two exceptions* (dont worry, I will explain the asterisk at the end)
  
  However, as an important health safety message kids, always remember to wear sunscreen if you are going to be outdoors for an extended period, or this could happen to you. And I will mock you for it. So will the rest of the tour group.
  
  Cap’n BahBah, Fuzzy’s second in command, hard at work steering us slowly down the Nile
  
  Can’t you just hear the Gilligan’s Island Theme Song?
  
  Lunch on the felucca wasnt always cold food…it’s just that the keftas took a little longer to cook

  We docked the second night in the late afternoon to play some more frisbee, drink, and swim in the Nile. Well, I didnt swim. Not only do I have well known issues with water creatures attacking me, I know exactly what kind of parasites and bacteria inhabit these waters thanks to my medical education. I stayed safely ensconced away from the watery doom that awaited me in all but one place on earth (ooh! foreshadowing!)

  Instead I watched the sunset
  
  And soon after, joined my shipmates in a Nubian Bonfire and sing along
  
  We danced and sang all the songs the Nubians could teach us, then when they ran out, they asked us for suggestions. I am proud to say that I have now taught people in multiple countries the words to Living on a Prayer, and Don’t Stop Believing. Better living through 80′s music, that’s what The Josh is all about people. Give me one beer and the world is my karaoke bar.

  The next morning we sailed on to our final port of call, The temples of Kom Ombo and Edfu, en route to Luxor. Our brief respite had come to an end, and it was time to rejoin the helter skelter pace of the modern world.

  Do NOT read below this point unless you are used to my stories about human bodily functions!

  *So at one point or another, all of us on the tour were brought low by Tutankhamens Revenge, Travelers Diarrhea, or whatever you prefer to call it. I will gladly inform you that one of the less pleasant ways to experience this is trying to run down a narrow gangplank in pitch blackness in the middle of the night while avoiding a pack of feral dogs who think you are trying to play a game while hoping you dont fall into the very hole in the sand you are looking to make a donation to.

  Every morning our tour guide, who knew about the sensitive stomachs of us foreigners, would then ask us who in the group was still “farting with confidence” This phrase has now become my favorite way to describe the squirts, and considering the medical field I want to specialize in, I will get to use it often. So you see, we engaged in a fair an equal cultural exchange. I taught the egyptians 80′s music, they told me how to politely tell someone you have the shits.

  • 11:51 pm
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