May 6, 2011

•  

  1)A 36 year old drunk gentleman comes in to the ED; the start of any good joke right?

  Dr J: any history of cancer in your family

  Patient: no, nope, no sirree doc. My parents were both gemini.

   

  2) Or the schizophrenic pt who comes in complaining of back tumors. I look at his back which seems normal enough, if a little, shall we say, fragrant, and dont appreciate anything out of the ordinary. So I start a phyiscal exam, pressing all over as well as auscultating. When I reach the center, he exclaims, yes! there! and there! and a little below, that’s one too!

  Dr J: sir, that’s your spinal cord.

  Pt: That’s what all the other doctors said too, why doesnt anyone help me!

   

  Of course if the Hospital gets to be too much, I can always go back to clinic…

  Dr J: So you said you’d bring in a stool sample this time?

  The patient opens up his backpack, pulls out a paper bag, tries to hand it to me. “No, no, we’ll give that to the tech– the specimen cup is in the bag?” He gives me a blank look.

  Dr J:The specimen cup is in the bag– the cup with the sample in it.?

  Pt: Oh, you gave me a cup?

  Dr J: And you carried this in your backpack?

  Pt: Yes

  Dr J: Okay, I’m going to get the tech. Next time, just a little bit, in the sample cup. Not the whole thing, not lying in a paper bag. Okay? “okay.”

  • 5:48 pm
  • 3 Comments