November 30, 2011
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One Mistake
One Mistake. That’s all it took.
One mistake, and a committee came down to a split vote on outright dismissing me from the program, versus ultimately deciding to graciously allow me to continue, should I so choose, under probation. Demotion to r2 status with an extra year of residency. Guaranteed loss of the fellowship I spent months, if not years competing for.
One mistake, and I reap a year of humiliation and condescencion. Having to tell all my friends I’m not moving, then explaining why. Having to work side by side among the current second years who will be talking about how badly I screwed up. Being made “the example” for the hospital. Having to stay in the same situation while everyone else moves forward.
One mistake, and one that more likely than not would have been treated more favorably had I not already been on remediation.
I have spent the last 6 months arriving at work, waiting for the day to end so I can go home, telling myself I could put up with any of it as long as I had my fellowship waiting for me at the end.
But now?
Do I really want to put myself through that? An extra year, to what purpose? I am burned out. I’m done. Even if I decide to graduate, I would be in medicine only as long as it takes to pay back my loans, and then I would quit and go back to enjoying my life again.
I should never have gone to medical school. But I guess that was just one mistake as well.
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Why Not Zoidberg
Comments (8)
keep going. think of something new to motivate you
i burned out early and i deeply regret not maintaining motivation because i’m in a worse position than i were in before.
Sorry to hear the decision. Medical doctor is a great profession, and I remembered you had a lot of desire and energy to make it happen. In overall scheme of things, this is just a speed bump, though pretty large speed bump, to your goals. I would re visit the reasons why you wanted to be a doctor, and see if it is still true. If you still have a passion, I would swallow my pride, chalk this as lessons learnt, and prod ahead. Wish you the best.
That is wretched. Sorry to hear it came out like that. I don’t know what to tell you. I think it would be a good idea to give it two weeks and see how you feel then. I think everyone goes through periods where they really hate their job or other things that are going on in their life. This too shall pass.
Sorry to hear the decision. Please wait a few days before you make your final decision – talk it over with some friends – pray over it and think it through.
I’m sad for you. :[
Tough break man.
so sorry. can you give yourself a few days to work through things in your head before you continue?
i wish that you were in a more supportive program. browbeating you into humiliation isn’t going to make you a better physician. stand strong.
~hugs~ I don’t know what to say, I just really want to give you a hug. Hang in there =]