And so, with full bellies and empty bladders, we left behind the bustling streets of New Delhi and set off for Jaipur along dusty roads cluttered by cattle, camels, and something else alliterative. No I wouldnt make that up

To help pass the time on the road we played a number of improv games such as good idea, bad idea (come up with one, next person has to change it to make it into the other); fortunately, unfortunately (you tell a story with each person alternating the sentence beginning), and alphabet story (tell a story where each person has to start their sentence with the next successive letter of the alphabet). By far the best way of passing the time was Russian Hangman.

A Game taught to me by a friend made on the beijing trip, it consits of one person thinking of a word, such as balloon. The first letter is given, but nothing else. Then each person goes around and asks the wordmaker any question they want. The wordmaker has to think of an answer to that persons question that begins with the letter he gave

Word: balloon (word and length unknown to all but wordmaker)
Person 1: Is it a type of fruit?
Wordmaker: no, it’s not a Banana
Person 2: is it a sports team?
Wordmaker, no, it’s not the Bulls

This goes one until the wordmaker cannot come up with an answer to the question beginning with the appropriate letter. To avoid bluffing by players, if the questioner cant come up with an answer, no additional letters have to be given out

Word: Balloon:
Person 3: is it a french philospher?
Wordmaker: ??? (doesnt know any starting with B)

If person 3 is able to give a response, then the wordmaker needs to give the next letter…as in, the second letter is A. now the whole thing repeats with all the answers having to start with the letter A. This goes on until the word is within 1-2 letters of ending. At any time, the people playing can use their turn to try and guess the entire word, but they each only have 2 guesses before they are “out”

Whoever guesses the word gets a point and becomes the new wordmaker. If nobody guesses and the word is revealed, or if all the guesses are used up, then wordmaker gets a point. One round of this with every person as the wordmaker killed about 3 hours of the trip as we all learned how creative we can be when asked questions about literally anything and everything

In practically no time at all, we arrived at our first site in Jaipur, the Jantar Mantar Observatory. The observatory consists of fourteen major geometric devices for measuring time, predicting eclipses, tracking stars’ location as the earth orbits around the sun, ascertaining the declinations of planets, and determining the celestial altitudes and related ephemerides. Each is a fixed and ‘focused’ tool

It contains a number of old and still functioning astrological instruments, like the worlds biggest sundial, which you can just make out behind Dr Han. It is accurate to two seconds Jaipur Time. Its shadow moves visibly at 1 mm per second, or roughly a hand’s breadth (6 cm) every minute

Or this which does something impressive with geometry, probably

Jayaprakash Yantra consists of hollowed out hemispheres with markings on their concave surfaces. Crosswires were stretched between points on their rim. From inside the Ram, an observer could align the position of a star with various markings or a window’s edge. The Mishra yantras were able to indicate when it was noon in various cities all over the world. The something whose name I forgot Yatras were able to locate individual constellations in the night sky

You can just make out the shadow behind Miss Crystal and Dr Han, it is WAS in fact accurate with local time

Each of those little staircase sculptures is a guide to locating an individual constellation. They are very strict about people climbing on them, more specifically, they do not allow it. So of course you know what we had to do

The whole gang, destroying history and culture, one monument at a time

We werent quite sure what this did, but it makes a cool looking picture

Oh Shit! Is this a mayan death calendar? A timekeeper of DOOM???

Nope, Just some crazy starship for telling important calendar dates around the world. No 2012 end in sight.

Every instrument in this place was designed by Jai Singh II, a brilliant guy. The small structure in the foreground is not an astronomical tool at all, but the scale model built before the two instruments in the background that was used by the architects to measure dimensions. And yet even the models are functional, although slightly less accurate.

After the observatory, stopped for lunch before moving on to our next destination. Never ones to have a meal without entertainment, we enjoyed a sitar with our thali

What further adventures lie in store? Keep reading (and or recommending ) to find out!

So the question I am sure is on everyone’s mind, is did Dr J eat the street food?

After all, this trip is referred to as The Temples of Doom, right? surely there must be more temples, or at least a modicum of doom?

Well fear not, all those questions will be answered ere my travel posts are done.

We made one brief pit stop in Delhi before setting off on the 5 hour drive to Jaipur. And appropriately enough, it was a bathroom break. Or more specifically, the International Museum of Toilets

After grabbing some reading material and informational brochures, we took a look around

Toilets of every style and region abounded, a veritable shitload of crappers. And yes, in case you were wondering, this museum was specifically on my itinerary prior to leaving the U.S.

In fact, even the museum staff was surprised at our groups level of enthusiasm, seeing as how the museum, which is normally closed on Mondays, was opened up EXCLUSIVELY for us. Yes, wandering americans came to view what exactly puts up with Indians shit.

Did you know there is a code of toilet etiquette that changes whether you are married, single, celibate, or a saint? well now you do! Although this sign gives no clue what that etiquette is, it does note that more holy people must follow it more strictly

 Ward learned about this while browsing the sunday funnies, and test driving and earlier modern model

I explored an outent until I was rudely surprised

Miss Crystal and I then tested the durability of the f1 mach toilet, to see how well it could hold up to Delhi Belly levels of force. As it turns out, this turned out to be a prophetic test…but I will mention that more later in the trip. Or not, you can probably figure it out.

Short Round took advantage of the opportunity to let his inner bully roam free, and unwittingly turned himself into the perfect internet meme…this photo will be on reddit and 4chan, please go caption it with your best, or leave a caption here! lets turn short round into a full fledged interwebs celebrity!

Ward suggested we all relieve ourselves before setting out, so we each found our favorite model and cut loose

Howdy!

While visiting Red Fort, we happened to pass by a merchant who was shouting “BEARD FOR SALE!”. Convinced we initially misheard someone perhaps selling beads or beer, we ignored it until on our way out we encountered the same hawker with a fistful of facial hair. Well, when life hands you cheap full beards, you buy them and dont look back! We figured the effort of straining over these squatty pottys would only help the beards look more natural and give us the flimsy excuse we were looking for to use them in photos. And yes, I am wearing a beard over my actual beard, thus making me twice as manly

But enough of this toilet humor…we have a new city to explore!

Next Post, anyway.

From Red Fort We met up once again with our driver BP, who was by far one of the most trustworthy people we had ever met. It’s like he had an internal bat radar to detect when we needed him and would instantly pull up. He also told us about the important rules of driving in Delhi: good breaks, good horn, good luck. Once we were safely ensconced in the van, we took a short trip to visit the grave of Gandi, which is one of the most well maintained places I have ever seen. In a city that is so often surrounded by or buried under filth and refuse, every at Gandhis grave is immaculate, and it is clear he is still as revered as a great leader in death as he was in life.

From the Tomb of one famous Indian to that of another, our next stop was the tomb of Humayun, the second Mughal emperor

The first example of a “paradise” or persian burial garden on the indian subcontinent, it not only set the stage for succeeding Mughal emperors to create royal Mausoleums, but also served as a model for the Taj Mahal, built by the fourth mughal emperor Shah Jahan

Imagine that this was made of marble instead of sandstone, and voila! instant wonder of the world.

We approached the entrance with some trepidation, seeing as how Indians have mixed/confused views on holy objects and religious imagery. Sound rascist?

Think again. Apparently this is a blessing or affirmation of life and positivity, at least until it is rotated 45 degrees, which gives the now infamous german logo.

Also, this is probably not a rabbi. But I digress. There we were entering the steps to the final resting place of Humayun

Hmm. Seems like he was down with the Jews after all.

The cenotaph of the second Mughal emperor

And our silhouetted adventurers pause for a moment to bask in the wonder of the things they have seen thus far, before setting off to one of their most dangerous sites yet: The Qutb Complex!

Yes, amidst the still stand columns, and a host of booby traps, the Qutb Minar, or victory tower can be espied. It is this structure, the tallest brick minaret in the world, that gives the complex its name

Filled with miles of columns, graves, arches, and archeaological accomplishments, we stood there unsure of what to do first…

Short Round was having a grand time admiring the architecture, until he set off a hidden trap from which we had to flee

luckily, years out of use, the trap had rusted and all we ended up running from was a few confused locals

A brief dash through another archway

dodging a few more snares along the way using only our wits

and bypassing the resting sites of those who had come before, we finally arrived at Qutb al Minar

This erection (as our guide referred to it) Thrusts into the sky at an impressive 239 ft (72.5 meters metric world!) and was built by three different rulers, not too mention struck by lighting twice. One can only admire the workmanship of such a towering erection

Or, you know, make a phallic joke. Whatever.

This stubby little fella was eventually supposed to compete with and even outstrip the qutb minar, but it remains an unfinished erection, incomplete because the sultan who ordered it built blew his wad of cash and materials too early, leaving it standing forever impotent and powerless in view of its more successful counterpart. Miss Crystal therefore took pity on this tower and rewarded its desperate efforts by posing in front so you could all ooh and ahh at this cyclopean endeavor.

Having finished our sightseeing, we journeyed around to the flea markets, a tea store where we purchased darjeeling (the champagne of teas) and dinner with some friends of friends before finally bedding down, awaiting the morning to continue our journey out of Delhi and onward to Rajastan, land of princes, pachyderms and our next destination.

The group finally all together, we met our local guide Tarun and set off for our first destination, Jama Masjid

Jama Masjid is the principal mosque of Old Delhi in India. Commissioned by the Mughal Emperor Shah Jahan, builder of the Taj Mahal,in the year 1644 CE and completed in the year 1658 AD, it is the largest and best-known mosque in India. Being A Mosque, you are not allowed to wear shorts, or be a Short Round

at least not without covering up in holy mumuus. Once past the entry gate the mosque comes into view.

Jama Masjid is a reference to the weekly Friday noon congregation prayers of Muslims, Jummah, which are usually done at a mosque, the “congregational mosque” or “jāmi’ masjid”. The courtyard of the mosque can hold up to twenty-five thousand worshippers. or three times that many pigeons

Muslim Architecture does not allow representations of any living creatures, that being the sole province of God. Instead elaborate geometrical designs fill the walls, offering worshipers a focus while they contemplate and pray

We took the opportunity to indulge in a bit of contemplation of our own before heading on a brief rickshaw ride through the streets of old delhi to nearby Red Fort aka Lal Qil’ah

Lal Qilah is a 17th century fort complex constructed by the Mughal emperor Shah Jahan  in the walled city of Old Delhi that served as the residence of the royal family. It also served as the capital of the Mughals until 1857, when Mughal emperor Bahadur Shah Zafar was exiled by the British Indian government. We entered this elegant complex through the hilariously named Whore Gate

Probably does not mean what you think it does.

Red Fort is so named because of the red sandstone which makes it up. It is filled with intricate inlaid and carved designs of flowers, which demonstrate the influence of Hindu architecture, which shows gods in everything on the muslim architecture, which strictly forbids representations of living things

Above is Diwan-I-Am, the hall of public audience, where the shah would hear resolve the peoples problems, in what I can only assume was a hilarious Dr Seuss-like fashion based on the name of the hall. You Shall not have your neighbors land, from this country you are banned, you shall not take your goat or cow, you must leave here, must leave right now!

I have no idea what this structure was originally used for, but damn did it look epic. Off in the background to the right you can see the barracks used by the emperors military, and then when the British took over, used as their military barracks, meaning this fort was in use long past its expected prime, though now it is overun by tourists and wildlife

Ch-ch-ch-chip and Dale!

Of course, surrounded by all this cool stuff, some of the locals begin to take it for granted and just stare at passerby. LIKE A BOSS.

Next Post: Humayuns Tomb and Qutb complex!

-Indiana J

Greetings All!

Indiana Josh and his trusty sidekick Short Round, accompanied by longtime fellow adventurers Dr Han and Miss Crystal recently returned from their yearly trip exploring yet another continent. This year, our intrepid band of thrill-seekers decided to explore the exotic experiences of Northern India, and search the mysterious heights, and brave the worst lows of bordering Nepal. Stuffed with the usual Danger, Despair and Deeds of Derring-Do, the following journal entries and their accompanying photos will hopefully make you laugh, cry, and keep you at the edge of your seat while you read the latest epic

INDIANA JOSH AND THE TEMPLES OF DOOM

Day 1: 16 Mar 2012

Have Just arrived in India, another third world bastion of developing culture, industry, and yes, aromas.

The Crowds are palpable, a post apocalyptic throng of poverty stricken zombies searching for change instead of brains. Brains they have aplenty, as they must to survive from day to day, but not a street goes by but is populated by working stiffs in one form or another

First order of business then, is to find some means of conveyance to get to our hotel. We learn quickly that there are three rules to good driving in India

1. Good Breaks
2. Good Horn
3. Good Luck

Suddenly, New York Cabbies make a lot more sense as we are whisked away in what can only be described by Dr Han as “like playing a video game for two hours with MY LIFE”. Traffic moves at a steady 30km per hour, but it does so by whisking in and out of lanes that clearly exist only in the minds of the drivers as any extraneous material such as painted road lines, traffic signals, and pedestrians are simply ignored.

One moment our cab is driving down the left side of the road (thanks a lot Britain!) only for the cabby to decide he doesnt like his current position so he abruptly honks his horn to let other drivers around him know he is about to attempt manslaughter of his fares, then cuts across 4 lanes of traffic (in a 2 lane road no less), driving briefly against the flow of traffic toward several oncoming cars, only to duck back in to a lane somewhere in an intersection, all while sipping his chai and answering a text. Everyone hear drives like this, and after the initial terror, the car rides become a blur

By the end of the trip, we all agree that No racing game or driving simulator in the world will ever match up, and the previously loved Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland is now less thrilling than a trip to the Mall.

After settling in at our hotel, The Shangri La, an undiscovered paradise indeed, we briefly search the surroundings for some type of sustenance

Knowing the dangers of getting the dreaded Delhi Belly from street vendors, Indiana Josh gets in touch with local contacts, their information obtained from an associate stateside

The modern, ultra hip decor of the punjabi restaurant belies its humble surroundings, and a delicious meal is had with new friends

From Left: Miss Crystal, Dr Han, Indiana Josh, Mansi, Pavan, and Siddharth

Bellies full, we return to our hotel to await the fourth member of the party set to arrive tomorrow, when the adventure will truly begin

Welcome, my friends, to India.

TO BE CONTINUED…