a woman from California has sued the makers of Cap’n Crunch for apparently deceiving her about the nature of “crunchberries,” specifically that the cereal contained no real fruit in the form of actual crunchberries.

Now, while the judge in this case was at least rational enough to dismiss the case outright, this is still an extremely humiliating venture for bipeds everywhere. Nevermind that any idiot (yes, even many literal idiots) should be able to tell from looking at the box that these are not real fruit, the real problem is where this sort of thing is likely to lead. Do I have a reasonable hope of suing because Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn’t made from actual toast? If my good fortune is not raised by eating a bowl of Lucky Charms? How about if there are not actual rocks and stones in that box of Cocoa Pebbles? Let’s not even get started about Life.

And these are the folks who will be making up my new patient population. Awesome.

Oh yeah, and the title? That really is cap’n crunch’s real name

First Egypt post later tonight. Are you excited? You are, I can feel it.

Its funny what pop culture images our psyche holds on to. How we differentiate what is just mindless entertainment versus what has special meaning to us.

I eat breathe and sleep pop culture. Not as much now as when I was younger, but I pride myself on being at the forefront of new hot tv shows, internet memes, movies, jokes…providing me a rich mental imagery of conversational gags and interpretations for any occasion.

But every so often, I realize one or two of these images has somehow managed to stick with me and take on personal significance

One such image is in disney’s The Lion King, when a grown simba meets again the aging baboon rafiki.

Adult Simba: I know what I have to do. But going back will mean facing my past. I’ve been running from it for so long.
[Rafiki hits Simba on the head with his stick]
Adult Simba: Ow! Jeez, what was that for?
Rafiki: It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.
[laughs]
Adult Simba: Yeah, but it still hurts.
Rafiki: Oh yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it.
[swings his stick at Simba again who ducks out of the way]
Rafiki: Ha. You See? So what are you going to do?

Now I am not going through any particular troubles at the moment, but every so often that scene plays out in my head, a reminder to me not to get too caught up in my worries…

so what movies/songs are significant for you?

More discussions about the Quantum of solace movie with my brother. ****SPOILERS*****

M: I know Bond completely disregards every order I give him…but I have no choice but to accede to that lovable rascals every demand, because otherwise we wont have a franchise.

Bond: I need you to come with me
Mathis: you had me tortured!
Bond: I need you to come with me
Mathis: I’ll pack my bags.

At some point according to the movie they then had this conversation
Mathis: If I ever die in argentina I want you to toss my body in a dumpster
Bond: anything for you my friend

gratuitous bond girl with no ties to the already weak storyline: you cant put mathis in a dumpster, he was your friend!
Bond: was. upsy daisy!

Villains: lets build a luxury hotel in the middle of a dessert that apparently exists in bolivia. But because we are still early bond villains, let’s not waste time with elaborate deathtraps or even henchmen. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

Supposed main villain: the guys from queer eye are more evil than me, AND have better fashion sense. Damn, i guess i will just serve as a weak plot advancement with supposed information bond suspects I have because some gratuitous tramp in a bug will pick up anyone in front of a hotel

Bond: good job unecessary bond girl! way to cower and be useless for a secret service agent. Now I have things to do, so run along to this bolivian motel 6. I am sure your government, for whom you are supposedly employed despite us never having seen any evidence of it, will take care of you. And no, we dont need to even have the standard bond sex scene, because I got it out of the way with someone who was supposed to arrest me *flashback*

Agent: I’m here to arrest you
Bond: we’re going to a hotel for drinks
Agent: okay. but then i need to arrest you
Bond: actually, let’s sleep together first.
Agent: okay. but THEN i need to arrest you
Bond: let’s go to a party
Agent: i’m not really very good at my job
Bond: and now you’re dead…whose the master of one night stands? SHAFT! i mean, me…can you dig it?

Director of quantum of solace: I learned from george lucas-it doesnt have to make sense, I know you will see it anyway. Now if you will pardon me, i have lots of laughing to do on my way to the bank. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

So yes, new bond movie=the suck. Feel free to disagree, but i WILL probably think less of you

If you have been to the page, you may have noticed I have recently changed the avatar from dr zoidberg. The new one is pretty neat and zoidberg could use some time off. It looks almost like me…an almost, ALMOST dr j To give credit where credit is due, thanks be to carmen, who pointed me to maebemaebenot who actually found this hot new trend all the kids these days are doing. And in case you also want to jump off this bridge all the popular kids are leaping from, here is the link for yourself

faceyourmanga

Other than that, the rotation is going as well as can be expected. Managed to see a case of eye herpes on a 67 year old woman. You are wondering how she got it, perhaps? disturbed by the thought of a granny getting freaky? Well, set your minds at ease, because she had type 1, the oral variety. She had touched her lip during a recurrence, and then touched her eye without thinking about it.

Now that happens to be a far more severe case than what I saw. But do you notice the growth of blood vessels and advancement of the sclera (white part of the eye) onto the cornea? That is known as neovascularization. It is one of the common signs of a herpetic infection in the eye.

The lesson: Wash your hands. Also, dont get herpes, if you can help it.

I also got to see a couple of cataract lens removal patients, preoperatively all the way through to post op. In cataracts, the lens of your eye accquires opacities as you age, kind of like a window pane building up dirt over the years. Now some people it affects so severely that they can no longer see through the window. So that is when we go in, remove the old lens, and put in a new one. Like smashing the window open, taking out all the glass, and putting in a new window. But since I am using a retrospectively poor simile,

And without using a slit lamp to examine a dilated eye, you would never know the difference. Creepy, isn’t it?

Most of the remaining patients were rather routine…yearly vision exams, follow up diabetic and/or glaucoma appointments, an occasional red eye or contact lens fitting, nothing to write home (or the internet) about. I use these patients to learn more about common problem management, and improve my ability with direct fundoscopy…using the handheld I am now almost always able to find the optic disc and nerve, and am gradually improving in my ability to estimate cup/disc ratio, and some indirect fundoscopy, which is the same as direct, only not.

Have you ever been in a car and heard or used the phrase “pedestrian! 10 points!” or some equivalent thereof, and wondered where it comes from? Wonder no more…the concept of numerary reward for hit and runs dates back to a 1975 film titled “Death Race 2000″. Costarring a young sylvester stallone. In a postapocalyptic world, the united provences entertain the masses with a cross country death race. Racers are awarded points not only for winning, but also for number of pedestrians destroyed with the elderly and the pediatric given higher values and such.

Incidentally, a remake of that film will be released next friday simply entitled “death race” I am interested to see how the story is adapted. I advise you to watch the original and compare for yourself.

As for the weekend, I have been on a five mile hike at silver falls state park, which i will go into more detail about next post. I will also be heading up to Portland to check out the zoo, the remainder of the city and go to the indian festival being held that day…I dont know how i keep coming across these random ethnic festivals, but i am not complaining

in answer to the olympics post, the fake story was the one about lack of compelling human drama disqualifying an athlete. Below is another article from the same writer, andy borowitz

China’s Gold Medals Found to Have High Lead Content

China’s impressive haul of gold medals at the Beijing Olympics was
tarnished somewhat today when it was revealed that “abnormally high
levels of lead” were found in the first-place medallions.

The medals, which were supposed to be made entirely of gold, were
instead found to be composed of 99% lead alloy and coated with a
gold-colored lead-based paint.

The shocking revelations roiled the Olympic complex today and sent
officials looking for answers from the Chinese manufacturer of the
medals, the Wuhan One Hundred Percent Gold Medal Corporation.

“We are trying to determine how exactly so much lead got into those
gold medals,” said a spokesman for Wuhan, China’s largest exporter of
gold medals. “Until we do, we are urging all first-place athletes not
to lick, taste or suck on their medals.”

The news about the potentially toxic gold medals spread panic among
Olympic champions, especially U.S. swimming phenom Michael Phelps.

“I am very, very concerned about my extensive contact with gold
medals,” Mr. Phelps told reporters. “But what am I supposed to do? Stop
being so awesome?”

In other Olympic news, China’s hopes for winning more medals in
women’s gymnastics were dashed when one of their leading gymnasts
vanished down a bathtub drain on Tuesday.

Immediately after Jiang Qimin’s disappearance, Beijing authorities launched a search for the acclaimed seven-pound athlete.

Jiang had been the subject of speculation earlier this week as many
foreign observers doubted China’s claims that the two-foot-tall gymnast
was sixteen years old.

In an interview with NBC’s Bob Costas on Monday, Jiang sparked
controversy with this response to a question about her age: “I want my
sippy cup.

Forbidden Kingom FTW!

Jet Li and Jackie Chan together was on par with freddy versus Jason, or Alien versus Predator. Two larger than life icons, and the fight is so entertaining you dont care who wins. Watching this movie was like christmas, halloween, and your birthday all rolled up into one, condensed , liquified, placed in a gel cap and shoved directly into your eyeballs. Nothing beat it, and nothing ever will

The movie starts off with chinese people flying through the air for no apparent reason, because that is what chinese people do in their spare time. No really. I have been to china, and businessmen get tired of waiting for the bus and take to the skies. True Story.

Soon after, random white kid wakes up. turns out he has been having these strange dreams for the last couple weeks about this sort of stuff. It could be foreshadowing, or it could be the fact that he goes on to be introduced as a chinese movie fanboy who is all buddy buddy with the old chinese pawn shop owner down the street. The pawn shop owner who has a mysterious back room for storage filled with the same weapon that has been in the kids dream. What an amazing coincidence. Turns out generations of pawn shop owners in this family have been tasked with holding onto the staff until someone shows up to take it to its rightful owner. Kid says…golly gee willikers thats neat, now i will take my daily dose of dvds and be on my merry way

While going home, Kid is attacked by what appears to be the cast of grease, or possibly west side story. They rough him up a little and then decide to rob the pawn shop owner, mostly because he exists. Of course during the robbery, the old man gets shot and Kid escapes with the mysterious staff from the back room where he is chased by the Jets gang until the staff takes hold of him and throws him off a building

Kid comes too in rural china. Where everyone is speaking chinese to him. Like watching chris farley in the japanese game show skit. Kid handles it remarkably well, and works his way into the local town with the help of Jackie Chan, who by speaking loud and slow, manages to teach Kid to understand mandarin in about 2 seconds. Or every chinese person Kid meets from this point on in the movie speaks english so Kid can understand what is going on, its not really made clear

Along the way we find out Kid is a prophecied one who is supposed to return to the Monkey King his magical staff that made him unbeatable. Oh except it is only a magical staff for the monkey kind. Not for the kid, who knows no kung fu at all. Along the way he meets friends to help him on his quest…girl who refers to herself in the third person throughout the whole movie, and jet li, who has a matrix style fight with jackie chan.

Cmon, Jackie, stop trying to hit me and HIT ME!

you think thats air your breathing right now? hmmm.

Hijinks ensue, with plot holes in the movie so large you can see other plotholes through them. To avoid spoiling the film, I shant say anymore than this was another one of the movies that was so over the top, you couldnt help but be entertained.

Suffice to say, go see this movie.

So those of you who know me would probably agree with the assessment that I am not a big sports fan.

In fact, that may be a bit of an understatement. The only televised sport I care at all about watching is Ultimate Fighting/Mixed Martial Arts competions. Go Fig.

That said, last weekend was a fairly important weekend for those males born with the sports gene, and I usually watch the game with a friend or two, more for the socializing than anything else. What I know about football is limited to the words first down, quarterback, and tackle. In fact, to be honest, i have no clue what a first down is, how it is obtained, or why it is so important, but i hear the word tossed around a lot, so i figured it was one i should add to my football vocabulary

Even so, the last quarter of the game was quite exciting, more so because which team i was rooting for changed with every play. However, the real reason I watch the superbowl, along with many of you is for the commercials. So here are my favorites from this year

because spitting up is funny

See! EVERYONE thinks clowns are creepy! why do we still have them?


because who doesnt love a night at the roxbury

and there you have it. Now i will resume being sick

Since everyone else and their mother has been writing about the upcoming election, i figured i should get it out of the way now. But then I realized a lot of my readership nowadays may not be familiar with the american democratic process. And my foreign readers may have some trouble too So let me briefly introduce you to how we do it in Amerika.

Q: How does the American electoral system work?
A: You have to have a lot of money.

On
the first Tuesday in November, a small minority of people get up early,
loose their lunch hour, or get home from work late in the mistaken
assumption that they live in a democracy. Every four years there is a presidential election, and a slightly
higher number of Americans experience this cognitive dissonance. They
have been encouraged in this belief by the media. Before reality tv,
and even back before jerry springer (which is, I admit,
further than I can remember), election debates were the only time you
got to see people shout at each other on tv.

Q: How do they vote?
A: With a maximum of difficulty

So
these people, squeezing all this in during a normal work day, travel to
an inconvenient “polling place” which is some temporarily re-purposed
room run by Vogons. There the voters stand around uncomfortably, are
mis-identified, have their addresses found, lost, found again,
suspected of fraud, believed to be mentally incompetent, stamped,
passed along, silently judged, and eventually given a few narrow, stiff
cardboard cards and an envelope the colour of Alcatraz. They are sent
to extremely rickety tables like cubicles that have been washed in very
hot water. If you are really posh there might be a curtain, but I
wouldn’t touch it.

Then, depending on where you are, you
squint at the ballot (it is very small print, to make it as difficult
as possible to read) and try to insert it into a machine that was first used
to elect Kennedy. You move a heavy, no-doubt-lead arm up and down and
use it to punch out the “chads” of 2000 fame that correspond most
closely with your selection.

Well, i vote absentee and as such am not posh enough even for machines; I get pencils. It’s better.

If
you are in a place run by Republicans, you may have a Diebold voting
machine. These are computers, and most commonly used in places where
they are the only computer a voter has ever seen.  A Diebold machine’s default
setting is “Republican,” they can be hacked by 12 year olds from a PSP,
and they are illegal in Silicon Valley. I have never seen one.

This system is considerably inferior to the old Tammany Hall
style, where nice men walked you to the polls, gave you beer, went into
the booth with you and helped you mark the right choice. They would
even do it for you if you couldn’t read, or if suddenly your hand broke
in two places.

But
at the end, you receive a prize for all you’ve been through: a free
sticker, designed to induce guilt and shame in others. The best kind of
sticker.

Sadly, all this is done without anyone washing their hands afterwards. America is a filthy place.

Q: Then what happens?
A: Second verse, same as the first.

The
media spends the night “Calling” the election with less than one
percent of precincts reporting in. They have nothing better to do.
Eventually, a winner is decided.

Q: Who are they voting for?
A: No one who has anything in common with them.

Although
it is not illegal for more than two political parties to exist, it is
considered extremely unhealthful and possibly sacrilegious.  For
some time now, the president and vice-president are elected together,
as one “ticket,” and so are from the same party. As the Constitution
was originally written, the Vice-President was supposed to be the man
who came in second in the election. So, Jefferson was Adams’ VP because
they ran against each other.

In
fact, the Constitution was not written to provide for political parties
at all. This all very quickly became awkward. In fact, it became
awkward with Adams and Jefferson.

Of
course, when you vote for a candidate, what actually happens is that
the candidate who won the state is supposed to be voted for by the
state’s electors. Electors are Free Masons Illuminati Skull and Bones members mysterious and secretive persons who are supposed– but not sworn– to
vote in the Electoral College for the candidate who got the most votes
in their state. This came about because, after the Constitutional
Convention swore to give power to the common white man, they realised
that the biggest group of small-minded idiots available on the planet
also happened to be the common white man.

The
number of electors a state has is dependent on its population, so
California is far more important than the Midwest put together. In this
way, the Electoral College is an exact parallel of life.

Q: Why do we have primaries?
A: Because it saves the media from having to do any actual work.

The
main purpose of primaries is to eliminate those candidates who don’t
have enough money to win the general election. Both parties in every
state have their own primary, or caucus, or draw a name out of a hat. A
primary is just like any other election. You’re not voting for anything
that makes an actual difference in anything then, either.

One
candidate from each party will win the state. The party’s electors will
then go to the big Party Convention, which is held in the summer. These party delegates, while at the
convention, are supposed to vote for the candidate who won their state.
Sometimes this actually happens. (But if it happened all the time, you
would lose the suspense.)

The delegates vote for the person who
passed out the most and best swag. This person is now the party’s
candidate for president.  Once the
VP candidate is selected, the two candidates spend all their time
trying to convince everyone that although they just spent the past year
and several millions of dollars on saying what an incompetent pustule
the other person is, they are actually BFFs and have always respected
each other in the morning.

As a brief aside, according to digg.com Hulk Hogan has endorsed obama. This is as exciting to me as the fact that chuck norris endorsed huckabee, terrifying as that man is. (i mean both norris AND huckabee).

However, I did not initially read Hulk Hogan Correctly. In point of fact, i read “The Incredible Hulk”

HULK ROCK VOTE! HULK USE TOUCH SCREEN!
*smash!*
PUNY TOUCH SCREEN NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR HULK’S DEMOCRACY!

And now courtesy of Kims Kitchen Sink (go click!) two videos about candidates

it is almost unfair how hot this girl is. Although “you can barack me tonight” line had me on lollerskates.

you will note-republicans-not as hot. But hang out with dinosaurs. Sorry, guys, hotness beats raptors every time.

Okay, this post has nothing to do with taxes, I just felt like i had to put something up there.

So, lets begin with death:

Heath Ledger. Began his career on ROAR, which was awesome, and effectively ended it as the Joker. also well done. How best to sum up this tragedy? With AIM of course!