It had to be said. Also, in another brief intro for you all into med student life and the ways it warps your thinking...

I had to perform 4 rectal exams today. My previous number of exams performed before today was 4. I actually performed as many rectals in one day as i did all last month. During one of the rectals, I am pretty sure that somebody's poop got onto my white coat. Now blood on my coat...understandable...I totally signed up for that when i got into med school...heck its even a little cool, like a tacit affirmation that you were saving someone's life and too busy to pay attention to what was splattering where.

But poop on your coat...not so much. And in spite of all that, I still consider today a GOOD day at work. Not like a well it was okay, or could have been worse, or just run of the mill day. It was actually a good day, as in days that reaffirm my decision to go into medicine. And when i realized that, I both laughed and cried a little inside. My thinking has been so twisted that poop on my coat is not even high enough up on the irritation meter to register.

2 weeks left of medicine, then I start ER for 4 weeks. Ooh the anticipation

-J

WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

STILL SURE YOU WANT TO READ THIS POST???

.According to the book, a weasel is Arthur Weasley's patronus, which in Book
3 was supposed to be super-advanced difficult magic used to defend the
user from hideous soul-eating wraiths. In Book 7, they're mostly used
in place of text messaging, apparently. No i am serious. everyones patronus decides to start talking

I always imagined Helga Hufflepuff laughing and thinking to herself,
"They act like they all got the special ones, but I'm terribly pleased
that Salazar took the the snobs, Godric took the troublemakers, and
Rowena took the nerds. Now that they've skimmed off the worst of the
little bastards, I'll take the rest."

Alternative Harry Potter Endings

• My name is Harry Inigo Montoya Potter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
• Harry, I am your father.
• I
  know what you're thinking... did he fire off five curses, or six? To
  tell the truth, I've lost count. But this is a Ollivander 11-inch holly
  wand with a phoenix feather core, the most powerful wand ever made, and
  it can blow your head clean off your shoulders. So, punk, are you
  feeling lucky?

On another note, the 5th harry potter movie: disappointment. I mean if you have never read the series, that is one thing, and then you might enjoy it. But if you have, then so so so many details and things are left out, and yes i know it is a 700 page some odd book, but you managed to keep all the good bits in the first four, what happened. I am now also waiting for harry potter macros, since i am sure umbridge has a bunch of lolcatz on thos plates in her office. My impressions of the 5th movie continue as follows (this script was written by a friend)

DUDLEY: Yo yo, I am now to be called Big D. Bitches better recognise!
HARRY: Dudley, you're from Surrey. And stop beating up little kids.
DUDLEY: Dude, he was dissin' my bling! He had to go. Anyway... you're gay.
HARRY: TAKE THAT BACK! I AM A ICON FOR CHILDREN EVERYWHERE! WHERE IS YOUR EVIDENCE IN THE TEXT? WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
DUDLEY: Man, you're highly strung in this movie.
HARRY: I threaten you with my small stick!
DUDLEY'S
MINIONS: We have suddenly developed intense and disturbing suspicions
about what goes on behind closed doors in the Dursley household.

HARRY: I toss and turn in my bed and think of Cedric. I don't know where Dudley gets his crazy ideas from...
TONKS, SHACKLEBOLT AND MOODY: Wassup?
HARRY: Total strangers and a guy whose face I mostly know as belonging to a Death Eater! Why should I trust you?
MOODY: Well, in the book we had Remus Lupin with us. But time presses and so Lupin can't have any lines in this movie.
HARRY: ... Really?
MOODY: Kid, we cut three-quarters of your best friend's lines. You're lucky there still is a Remus Lupin. Shall we go?

HARRY: The dark corridor opens to reveal none other than my handsome godfather. Oh Sirius, I'm so happeee-
MRS WEASLEY: slams door, hugs Harry
HARRY: faint cry of thwarted godfatherly longing
MRS WEASLEY: Up the stairs you go! He'll be just as handsome in the morning!
HERMIONE: leaps up and hugs Harry
HARRY:
Womanly embraces everywhere, and not a handsome godfather in sight. I'm
feeling emo coming on. Hey, can I ask reasonably why you guys never
call and you never write?
WEASLEY TWINS: Hi Harry, we heard you shouting your head off.
HARRY: I wasn't sh-
WEASLEY TWINS: Read the book, Harry, you totally were. It's in capital letters and everything.
HARRY: Wow, that's a long book.
WEASLEY
TWINS: See, we have no time to lose questioning things. Let's move
along. Chop chop! Time to have our eavesdropping foiled by a cat.
RON: I hate your cat, Hermione.
HERMIONE: Shut up, Ron. Didn't you hear that your lines got cut?

HARRY: God help us, it's a house-elf. Uh, you're not going to follow me
around singing my praises and showering me with presents, are you?
KREACHER: LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO A WHOLE NEW WORLD OF 'HELL NO.'

HARRY: Professor Dumbledore! I need to talk to you!
DUMBLEDORE: Duck and weave, watch me go. Quick as a cat!
HARRY: Professor, you said we had a connection! Professor, you said you'd call!

HERMIONE: I think that you should tell someone that Umbridge made you cut 'I must not tell lies' into your hand, Harry.
HARRY:
No, I can't! She said it was our - very special secret, and anyway it
only happens when I am bad, if I am very very good she won't hurt me
any more, and besides that... I don't know... somehow cutting just
feels right...
HERMIONE: Uh-oh.
HARRY: Do you think they make this hoodie in black?

HARRY VOICEOVER: 'Dear Sirius, Winter is coming. The days are growing
colder and darker. Cold like the hearts of those around me. (Nobody
understands me.) Dark like my lonely, despairing soul. I have started
to write poetry about my pain

LUNA: See the invisible pterodactyls of death! They're really special, do you see?
HARRY: Um, no. Um, crazy lady? You're not wearing any shoes.
LUNA:
The super fey have no shoes. The super fey need no shoes! Look, this
baby pterodactyl is so special it needs meat instead of apples.
HARRY: Uh, I'm not sure I quite - how long have you been carrying that raw meat in your bag for?

HARRY: So... wow, you have a little mildewy shrine up to Cedric here. That's - sexy.
CHO: I am overcome by grief!
HARRY: That's also - very hot.
CHO: I might need you to hold me tonight. I might need you to say it's all right.
HARRY: Now we're talkin'.
CHO: Oh look - mistletoe!
HARRY: Oh, right. Horticulture is cool.
CHO: ...
HARRY: I was brought up in a cupboard.
CHO: Kiss me, you mad cupboard-living fool!
HARRY & CHO: make out
HARRY & CHO: make out some more, with feeling
CENSORS:
Ladies and gentlemen, please note that even though this pair are
kissing with a will and Cho Chang is indubitably the hottest girl at
Hogwarts, their bodies remain firmly apart. This is because Harry
Potter is a little gentleman.

HARRY: LOOK AT ME.
DUMBLEDORE: Um...
HARRY: BITCH.
SNAPE:
I came as quickly as I could to find... the headmaster having an
emotional moment with a student in sweaty nightclothes. Er. Awkward.

NEVILLE: *staring at the Mildewed Shrine of Cedric Diggory* I feel really bad about Cedric's death too, Harry.
HARRY: If you think I'm going to make out with you, you can forget it!
NEVILLE: In that case, this is about my parents.

DUMBLEDORE: I am responsible for everything! Now, watch me flee from justice!
SHACKLEBOLT: Oh, I see you, baby. Shakin' that ass.

ALL: flee from Death Eaters towards Vaguely Ominous Portal
DEATH EATERS: whoosh towards the Brave Little Gang
HARRY: Quickly everybody, get behind me! I think this might be the poster shot!

HARRY: We have each other. What does Voldemort have to fight for?
RON: Well, his pureblood agenda, his band of loyal followers, control of the free world...
ALL: Shut up, Ron

So yes...enjoy. Tomorrow is the day off. w00t

-J

A "leaked chapter" from deathly hallows

Harry glared at the evil visage before him.
Ron and Hermione lay, helpless, on the ground behind him. Whether they
were dead or merely stunned he couldn't be sure; he dared not divert
his attention from his nemesis.

"You see now, Potter," Lord Voldemort hissed, "why I did not kill you on any of the numerous occasions we met in the past."

"You vile, wicked thing! Why don't you just put me out of my misery?"

Harry
kept his wand pointed directly at Voldemort's head, which took much
effort. He felt both fatigue and frustration causing his wand arm to
become heavier and heavier. Thousands of tiny little pins and needles
were pricking his arm and it was starting to go numb. Harry knew that
this wasn't some evil spell doing this, it was just the stress of
keeping his arm extended as long as he had been forced to.

"Ah,
you see," Voldemort said while forcing his deformed face into what
approximated a grin, "I intend to do something much better. Rather than
end your life, I'm simply going to spoil it."

"Spoil it?"

"Yes. I don't intend, now or ever, to put you out of your misery. Instead, I intend to put you out of your mystery."

With
that, Voldemort raised his hand, and a book suddenly appeared in it. It
was large, with a yellow dust jacket, and a picture of a young man in
robes on the cover.

A picture of Harry.

"What is that?" Harry couldn't help but ask.

"This, Potter," Voldemort sneered, "is your future!"

At
that, several dozen people apparated behind Voldemort. He handed the
book to one of them, who started, slowly, handing it off to the others.
Each time it passed from person to person, another copy appeared in the
hands of the person who handed it off. As time went on, more people
started appearing behind this tableau of book duplication. Some dressed
in 17th-century pirate garb, others as pitchfork-wielding demons,
others in garb that was too bizarre for Harry to try and describe.

"What are you doing?" Harry asked.

"I
am making sure the entire world knows your future! Every one in the
world will know what happens to you two days before it actually
happens! Then, when you and your destiny finally collide, no one will
care!"

Harry realized that his wand arm had finally succumbed to
the forces of exhaustion and pain that had been dogging it for so long.
Surrendering to fatigue, Harry barely had the energy to let out a
plaintive scream before Voldemort threw another copy of the book
directly at Harry, hitting him right above his scar