Today's procrastination sensation is the draw a pig quiz...you draw a pig and learn about your personality...here is my pig

cute little feller, aint he?...now lets see what we learned

According to my piggy picture:

I am a realist
I believe in tradition, am friendly and remember dates (bdays, etc)
I am emotional, naive, care little for details and am a risk taker
I am insecure and living through a period of major change
I am an okay listener
I have a good quality sex life

and now back to my regularly scheduled microbiology

More china posts coming soon---getting tired of hearing that yet? does anyone even want me to post the remainder of my china trip? is there a reason i keep using the web as a forum to talk to myself?

The answer to at least one of those questions is yes...you guess which one. In the meantime, finals are about to begin and so rather than study, i though i would go stumbling about the interweb in search of things to do, which is what the posts you will see in the next few days will be about. Here is a color quiz that tells you your personality

Color Quiz!

According to the results I am

My existing situation
Acts in an orderly, methodical, and
self-contained manner. Needs the sympathetic understanding of someone
who will give him recognition and approval.

My stress sources
Wishes to be independent,
unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than
those which he imposes of himself or by his own choice and decision.

My restrained characteristics
Distressed by the obstacles with
which he is faced and is no mood for any form of activity or for
further demands on him. Needs peace and quiet, and the avoidance of
anything which might distress him further.

Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.

My desired objective
Wants interesting and exciting
things to happen. Able to make himself well-liked by his obvious
interest and by the very openness of his charm. Over-imaginative and
given to fantasy or day-dreaming.

My actual problem
Seeks to avoid criticism and to
prevent restriction of his freedom to act, and to decide for himself by
the exercise of great personal charm in his dealings with others.

on the whole, i think it's fairly accurate...those color psychologist must really know their stuff. Would those of you who know me well enough to respond to this tend to agree with the assessment?

-J

I just learned the other day that the Mongols used to drink their horses' blood when there was no food to be plundered. As in:

Mongol raider: hmm, tough day of looting and pillaging today guys, and the damn chinese still have that wall up, so we can't get takeout -looks like we are going to have to eat our transportation.Hey horse, stand still a minute

Horse: *sigh*

That's pretty badass...and also much harder to do with a civic. Although I suppose siphoning gas might come close, if i used said gas to go to the grocery store

I mean, talk about oppression, this is ACTUALLY drinking the blood of the workers. Cart around some guy all day and then he goes vampire on your ass! The nerve!

Now I want to write a Marxist short story about vampire factory owners. But not as a metaphor...factory owners actually drinking their blood. Until van helsing forms the very first proletariat union.

This post has been brought to you by my desire not to study

-J

I'm still here

Warning: I am about to get extremely geeky on all y'all. If you still have any respect or idea that i have this coolness thing going for me, please do not read the post past this point:

Sometimes I think i'm just a spaceship operated by a tiny team of cellular adventurers. I imagine a microscopic Captain Kirk hunkered down deep inside my head, commanding his crew of neurons and hormones to boldly go where no human spaceship has gone before..

"To the bathroom!" I hear him announce. and it's a huge production, you know, going to the bathroom. Dilithium fuel crystals, warp factor 10, "I need more power, scotty"- all that jazz. After all, things can go wrong. terriby wrong. The spout might malfunction and spray urine all over the pace. you never know. It's fraught with peril. Every moment, every tiny motion, every move i make is an adventure. Whenever i trip or bump into something, I imagine the crew getting josteled about, flailing this way and that, holding on to some protoplasmic console for dear life until the craft stabilizes and resumes a steady course.

Then i go back to the library and study for the next 6 hours, which probably explains why my mind takes these little vacations from sanity in the first place.

oh well

-J

All the different genus and species of animal crackers.

Jesus Pan! As soon as another friend gets married, they are so getting this

When I use exclamation marks I always wonder if someone stops and
thinks "He is so not an exclamation mark kind of guy." On another note I
wave to people when they sign-off instant messenger. Also, I give the
"thumbs" up when I type "okay".

and somehow none of those have made it onto my weird habits list in that interent meme

Sometimes I am concerned at the declining intelligence in this country.
when I used the word "existential" today in the mall, two people had
brain hemorrhages and collapsed.

Currently Germany has an unemployment rate of over 10%. I think it would by hysterical if those people
all went to Poland on the same day.

-J

Quote of the Day: I beat mom in a tall contest...stand up you!

g0poppy: actually he has much respect for a person who has a zombie contingency plan like he does
coffeeweasel: he and i actually need to discuss this
coffeeweasel: i have been wondering what exactly happens to zombies if they dont get brains
coffeeweasel: nothing negative, based on the movies
coffeeweasel: they just get cranky until they DO get brains
coffeeweasel: except 28 days. then they die of hungy
g0poppy: yeah or else they stop being zombies after a looong while
coffeeweasel: ooh...really?  hmmm...that might call for a new zombie contingency plan

So to briefly expand upon my zombie thoughts from the other day, i just
realized that we dont really know what happens to zombies who don't get
brains.

Think about it...all these zombie movies, people are running terrified,
b/c if you are bitten, you get infected, become a zombie and then go
questing for the flesh of others, yada yada yada we all know the drill

but only one movie (28 days) has any sort of negative effect for the
zombies...they starve to death. Every other movie (dead alive, evil
dead, resident evil, night of the living dead, dawn of the dead,
zombies ate my neighbors, etc) if the zombies can't get brains, they
basically...erm...wait until they can get more brains? they get cranky?
WE DON'T KNOW!

your thoughts?

in the meantime...some more ADVENTURES IN AIM!

coffeeweasel: dude, you want to meet someone based on his bong size? that cant be right
xxxxx: well, they guy has a 6 footer
coffeeweasel: so size matters that much to you huh?
xxxxxx: i just bet it would be crazy to take a hit off of
coffeeweasel: i can imagine that convo...excuse me, you dont know me,
but sometimes i look through your window at night and i couldnt help
but notice that you have a huge piece i would love to get my mouth
around...
xxxxxx: i hate you

TaoTeDrew: shall i call you on the phone of triumph tomorrow?
coffeeweasel: better than the phone of sorrow
TaoTeDrew: yes, i do not like that phhone... in fact... why did we even get that phone?
coffeeweasel: name sounded cool
TaoTeDrew: true enough

I went to Whole Foods the other day (or as my bro calls it, the hippie
mart) and purchased some soy yogurt and soy cheese. It is touch being
evolved beyond the need for milk...now i know how the xmen feel.

And speaking of the newest xmen movie *WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD*

here is my opinion: if you can ignore the fact that the story is
terrible horrible and no good, and that brett ratner as a director
sucks at life, the rest of the film is quite enjoyable.
I cheered when cyclops died. No one grew up reading the comics and liking cyclops. The man was a bitch. whipped and a pansy.

Other thoughts i had upon watching xmen 3:

1) angel was totally uneccesary to this movie. All they needed was the
name worthington. Angel did nothing except jump out of a window and
save his father. He didn't even fight with the xmen. lame.

2) why did logan have to kill jean? Here's a though...why not stick her
with the mutant cure? or send the mutant nullifying little kid up to
meet her?

3) Where the hell was nightcrawler? he could have popped in, knocked jean on the head, popped out. problem solved

4)for that matter, when did wolverine become invincible? i like him as
much as the next guy, but mutant healing does not cover pieces of your
skin flaking off and immediately growing back

5) beast being a diplomat is good. but it didnt take him that long to
decide to become a warrior again. One minute he says...churchill blah
blah blah...next second...sorry mr pres, i have to retire to rip out
people's throats

6) the all encompassing climatic battle consisted of 6 xmen versus the
100 or so mutants that magneto could muster? and they WIN? wtf? These
people are not that powerful...the whole point is that xmen and
brotherhood are evenly matched

7) rogue would not have given up her powers...this was covered in both
the comics and the animated series in an episode that features angel
and a supposed *cure* for the mutant gene. An episode, which, if ratner
had watched, he could have expanded into a much better story than he
came up with

8) Professor X in this movie was so out of character ethically it was
ridicoulous and i could not get past it. He would not limit another for
safety w/o their permission, he would not take over the body of a
comatose patient, he would not up and decide scott is unfit to lead the
xmen (really...scott has always been a little bitch, but prof x loves
him)

9) I'm the juggernaut bitch. One of the few things that they did right.
Way to pay attention to your audience. For those of you not in on the
joke, click here and see the real reason the whole theater was laughing

-J

Lately I have noticed a rash of tragic baby misnaming, from Kal El
Koppola to Apple Paltrow to Banjo Griffiths or even Elijah Bob
Patricius Guggi Q (Bono's son). This is not to mention names out there
like shaneequa, laquetia or latoya or any other made up syllables that
sound suitably ethnic.

This has got to stop. I suggest an Organization which will operate a
web site on which people will suggest stupid or offensive first names,
and then pledge money toward the first infant so christened. When a
parent proves that they have given their infant one of the handles on
the list (without adding a more serviceable middle name, which would be
cheating), the money which has accrued to that name goes into a trust
fund to help finance therapy for the child later in life, or for them
to blow on drugs, or to do whatever they feel might help

Because of the system of pledges, the worst names would bring the
greatest compensation--TheHulk or Kal-El might get a few hundred
dollars, Scrotum several thousand, and so on

There are numerous potential benefits to this scheme:

The parents themselves wont directly profit, and kids will have some
compensation for being called "Petal" or "Kansas"; Parents may still
choose silly names in order to fund their kid's education but this is
fine because

a) poorer parents will have a much stronger incentive to do so,
children may have a chance for university education who would not have
otherwise

b)on a larger scale, since wealthier people are more likely to
contribute money to a cause this frivoulous, it effects a
redistribution of wealth w/o any new taxes or revolutionary bloodbaths

2) There will be more people with silly names in years to come, so that
being introduced to people will become more interesting and you will
have to pay attetion at parties instead of just calling everyone
"John", and people with silly names will feel less alone, and we all
can relax about the silly names issue

3) Finally, the thing will feed on itself as the shock quotient of
today's stupid names declines so that there must be continuous progress
in this area (today's Cynchea and Toblerone become tomorros Scrotus and
ZinZinnZoom). Furthermore the pool of "normal names" will become
diluted so Jennifer and Joshua begin to seem equally valid and no names
seem dull

-J

The Josh: Solving The World's Problems, one day at a time

Death is a funny thing. It's like magic. We're here. Then poof. We're gone.




Imagine what it was like for the first organism to experience death. The amoeba.
He must've been like, "Oh shit! Oh shit! I'm... fading away! What the hell
is this sensation!? Aaauughhh! Oh Amoeba God, make it stop!" And then, after a fierce protoplasmic
death rattle, it's gone. Poof. Magic.



Maybe his amoeba buddies gave him a proper burial,
dressed him up in a little black outfit and placed him in a tiny casket. Actually, no. They all must've
been freaked out. It was the First Death Of Anything Ever. They were probably like, "Dude, what
happened to Fred?" as they watched his lifeless single-cell body float off in the
primordial ooze, nary a trace of the jubilance and zest for life he once displayed.



Maybe they
thought it was cool. Maybe they were like, "Wow. Check out Fred. He's all frozen! That's so
weird! I want to be dead too! I want to be dead like Fred!" Fred probably started the whole Goth thing.
In his wake, he inspired countless other single-cell organisms to be sullen depressives,
moping around, wearing little amoeba boots with huge buckles on them, putting on too much mascara and singing Nine Inch Nails
songs. So it's all Fred's fault.



Or maybe I need to stop eating big meals and studying right before I go to bed so these crazy dreams don't happen

Save A Josh Foundation
Amazon wish list of Save A Josh Fund approved materials located here

-J

Only 13 days left until I join the quarter century club...

And with that in mind, I would like to call upon my xanga readership to consider making a donation to the Save A Josh Fund

The Josh is a whimsical creature, found in many climes, although
partial to the asian subcontinent. While the Josh's habitat is often
located near coastlines or bodies of water, the creature itself will
never be found in the water, a fact that still puzzles many
anthropologists. Characteristic traits of The Josh include a distinct
pattern of facial hair, an everpresent smile, opposable thumbs, and an
attention span equivalent to that of a five year old human child. The
happy go lucky attitude of The Josh is what has made it such a
fascinating subject for study all these years, particularly with
respect to it's persistence, socialability, attempt to find the humor
in all situations, and rapid adaptability to whatever new environment
it is placed in.

However, all is not sunshine and lollipops for this charming creature.
Recent alterations in its environment have forced it from it's natural
habitats near coasts and cities into more mundane, rural surroundings
far from the life the creature is used too. Perhaps even more tragic,
in the past 2 years it has been subjected to sadistic experiments in
sleep deprivation, information retention, and malnutrition, not to
mention frequent trips in and out of all kinds of labs

So what can you do to help? Well, the current facility housing The Josh
is planning a fairly large scale test in the next year...If the Josh
scores high on this particular exam, the facility has agreed to tag and
release him back into the wild instead of keeping him enclosed in
facilities not properly equipped to hold him

In order to expedite his release, The Save A Josh foundation is
releasing this list of materials that can help The Josh score high
enough on his exams to be released into the wild at the facility's
earliest possible convenience, conceivably within one year.

Amazon wish list of Save A Josh Fund approved materials located here

Any of the materials you could purchase from this site (used or new) would be of
immense help to both the foundation, and the Josh. And remember,

THE JOSH YOU SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN

-J

Japan Day 2 is coming up next post, but here is something to keep you all busy in the meantime

Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand"
with "wang" in the Harry Potter Books. Let's see the results...

 "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
Hagrid:  "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er --
got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me
wang in half an' everything

A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

 "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry
Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems
only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and
a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm
work."
 "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his
fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down
through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the
end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

 "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a
troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and
Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone
straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and
you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his
wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

 "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and
moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his
mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now,
he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he
would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?

Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
 

'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds
they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with
his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

Conclusion: J.K. Rowling is a Dirty Dirty woman

-J