November 19, 2008

• They called it quantum because no understands it

  More discussions about the Quantum of solace movie with my brother. ****SPOILERS*****

  M: I know Bond completely disregards every order I give him…but I have no choice but to accede to that lovable rascals every demand, because otherwise we wont have a franchise.

  Bond: I need you to come with me
  Mathis: you had me tortured!
  Bond: I need you to come with me
  Mathis: I’ll pack my bags.

  At some point according to the movie they then had this conversation
  Mathis: If I ever die in argentina I want you to toss my body in a dumpster
  Bond: anything for you my friend

  gratuitous bond girl with no ties to the already weak storyline: you cant put mathis in a dumpster, he was your friend!
  Bond: was. upsy daisy!

  Villains: lets build a luxury hotel in the middle of a dessert that apparently exists in bolivia. But because we are still early bond villains, let’s not waste time with elaborate deathtraps or even henchmen. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

  Supposed main villain: the guys from queer eye are more evil than me, AND have better fashion sense. Damn, i guess i will just serve as a weak plot advancement with supposed information bond suspects I have because some gratuitous tramp in a bug will pick up anyone in front of a hotel

  Bond: good job unecessary bond girl! way to cower and be useless for a secret service agent. Now I have things to do, so run along to this bolivian motel 6. I am sure your government, for whom you are supposedly employed despite us never having seen any evidence of it, will take care of you. And no, we dont need to even have the standard bond sex scene, because I got it out of the way with someone who was supposed to arrest me *flashback*

  Agent: I’m here to arrest you
  Bond: we’re going to a hotel for drinks
  Agent: okay. but then i need to arrest you
  Bond: actually, let’s sleep together first.
  Agent: okay. but THEN i need to arrest you
  Bond: let’s go to a party
  Agent: i’m not really very good at my job
  Bond: and now you’re dead…whose the master of one night stands? SHAFT! i mean, me…can you dig it?

  Director of quantum of solace: I learned from george lucas-it doesnt have to make sense, I know you will see it anyway. Now if you will pardon me, i have lots of laughing to do on my way to the bank. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  So yes, new bond movie=the suck. Feel free to disagree, but i WILL probably think less of you

  • 1:10 pm
  • 1 Comment