June 14, 2009

• The Road to Jordan: Abu Simbel

  The next morning dawned bright and early…quite early, around 4am local time on what was only day 3 of the vacation. This was because we had to book it down to the airport to fly from Egypt’s southernmost city Aswan, 40 minutes into the middle of the desert at Abu Simbel.

  Domestic Flights in Egypt leave something to be desired. The following video ought to paint you a rather accurate portrait:
  

  I was seated in the smoking section of the plane as seen by my ticket
  

  In fact two of the members of our tour group were pilots in their normal everyday lives and the fact that both were hyperventilating and overall nervous during the entire flight did not sit well with the rest of the group. That said we made it in one piece, so I guess everything worked out…

  I even got to exit from the BACK OF THE PLANE! How awesome is that?
  

  But you dont log in to read about Indiana Josh’s plane adventures, no sirree. You come here for excitement and a glimpse into the past…
  
  Mighty abu simbel was built specifically in the middle of nowhere by Ramses II

  This guy was a dude’s dude. Prior to him, Pharaohs were considered to be descended from the gods. Well Ramses II was having none of that. He declared himself not a reincarnation or avatar, but an actual living god. And to prove it he did things like build giant temples out in the middle of the desert just because he could
  
  
  
  There are a total of 4 statues of Ramses and each one is slightly different from the next as they represent him as a young man aging into maturity as a pharaoh. The tinier figures near his knees are his wives and children, since they are not as important they dont get to be as big.

  How many wives? 49. I am reminded of the saying…bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same
  
  
  SO before short round and I explore further, let me fill you in on some of the facts that make this temple so cool:
  1. It was constructed in such a way that the light would shine through the temple into the inner sanctum illuminating 3 of the 4 gods (excluding the god of the underworld) on only 2 days…the pharaohs birthday and his coronation. For better pictures of this, please go to fushmush.net the site of two of my travel companions and newest friends, the wilsons (they taught me how to throw a frisbee FOREHAND)

  2. The temple was carved in one whole piece straight out of the side of a mountain. That is hardcore right there.
  3. Just like Philae, the damming of the nile and creation of lake aswan meant that the entire temple, mountain and all had to be dismantled, picked up and moved piece by piece to its current location so as not to be underwater. This movement meant the temple is now illuminated 2 days off its original schedule and only 2 of the statues light up on those days instead of the three correct ones.
  
  You may be wondering then, why abu simbel wasnt considered a wonder of the world? Well because it was in the middle of the desert, no one knew it was there except for some dutch/swedish/random european explorer who came out of the desert babbling to the natives about a giant temple carved into a mountain 40 miles away from any civilization…crazy much, they thought?

  But I digress…let me grab the key of life and enter the temple of Abu SImbel!
  
  
  Boy the line to get in here sure is long
  
  You must be this tall to enter the temple. No pregnant women, smoking, or camels allowed inside. If you have a heart condition, we will gladly remove it for you, along with any other excess internal organs so that they might be sacrificed to the all powerful amun ra and ramses ~the Mgmt
  
  This is the great entry hall of Abu Simbel…the entire temple is decorated with frescoes and hieroglyphics depicting triumphs of Ramses II. It is also the only pic you are allowed to take of the inside of the temple, or else you once again risk fines/jail time.

  Really people, if you cant figure out where this is going by now, I dont know why you even bother coming here:
  
  
  Josh’s Jail Avoidance Count: 3
  After exiting the temple I took a closer look at the adjoing temple, dedicated to the 23rd of 49 wives, but the number one in his heart (awww) Nefertiti
  
  
  It was a nice temple, but not too much to write home about after seeing the majesty of Abu Simbel
  Now while you may have seen a number of the pics above (at least I hope so, or what are you doing all the way down here!) It is hard to accurately convey the scale of how grand these structures are. Luckily I devised the most mature method of doing this for you
  
  WET WILLY!

  So at the end of the day, just what was it like to be a God?
  
  …the world may never know

  • 12:15 am
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