September 9, 2011

• Bad Timing

  I walk into the ER and notice a young couple at opposite sides of the room, neither one looking at the other, eyes downcast, the man occasionally reaching for his genitalia, the woman nursing a black eye. Seems like a fairly straightforward case and I find myself wondering why I got the call from the ED doc to admit to medicine.

   

  Turns out the couple had been celebrating an occasion, lets say an anniversary just for the hell of it. At the fancy restaurant, the woman decided to slip under the table to give her beau an appetizer before the main course, as it were.

  Of note, her past medical history is significant for seizures which have been well controlled on anti-convulsant medication. Of more significance, she opted not to take her medication this evening as she knew she was planning to have alcohol and was worried about possible interactions.

  So there she is, fellating her companion when all of a sudden she begins to seize.

  Kindly reread the above sentence.

  The man, on the receiving end of a ooh, ooh, OW reaction, does some quick thinking and calculations and realizes that he is poorly positioned to be involved in her seizure. After trying once or twice to forcibly remove her head, he does the only thing he can think of to save his member and punches her right in the face. At which point he then goes to obtain assistance for his significant other with what had to be an elaborately concocted cover story.

  End tally:

  1 male with a lacerated member

  1 female with post ictal confusion, remembering only that she went to a restaurant and is somehow now in an emergency room with a black eye

   

  So, my questions to the modern gentleman

  1.Does this qualify as the only acceptable excuse for hitting a woman?

  2. What are your odds of the male counterpart of this dynamic duo suffering PTSD-no honey, lets just cuddle tonight, no BJ’s necessary

   

   

  • 1:06 pm
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