April 26, 2012

• Elephants and Monkeys, and A Trustache, oh my!

  

  Our next stop in Jaipur was Dera Amer elephant camp, where we had a choice between an elephant safari, or paying a little extra to play elephant polo.

  

  judging by the photo above, I got a little something “extra” without paying =p, and thus we opted for the safari instead. It was a pleasant hour long ride around the Indian countryside, which looks suspiciously like the Arizona countryside, culminating in a Survivor-like dinner

  

  Torches lit the way to our private dining area, where Dr Han and I drank some locally produced indian wine (this in retrospect was a huge mistake and the most likely cause of our subsequent delhi belly) and Short Round and Miss Crystal enjoyed relaxing and chasing around seconds and birds, respectively. The next morning we had one more stop to make before setting off for Agra.

  Galta Temple, or as Short Round would call it, THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

  

  Galta Temple is famous due to the large tribe of monkeys who live here. These rhesus macaques were featured in National Geographic channel’s ‘Rebel Monkeys’ series. The temple features a number of pavilions with rounded roofs, exquisitely carved pillars, and painted walls, and is surrounded by natural springs and reservoirs that are considered holy. There are seven kunds (tanks) here and the Galta Kund is considered the holiest.

  

  Over 1000 Monkeys make their home here, and roam the streets of this mini-city freely. As Hanuman the monkey god is a sacred figure in Hindu culture, the monkeys are considered a blessing, and bags of nuts to feed them are available at the front entrance

  

  Short Round at first was having marvelous fun

  

  but he let his nut sack (pictured above) get too close to the monkey and it leapt up and scratched him in an attempt to grab his nuts

  

  As monkeys have been reported to carry rabies in India, short round insisted on undergoing the extensive series of rabies vaccinations, despite assurances by all medical personnel on the trip (i.e. Dr J and Dr Han) that rabies is transmitted via bites, not scratches, especially not scratches that barely broke skin and it was a provoked rather than unprovoked attack, and only provoked in the sense that the monkey wanted Deez Nuts. However, As rabies IS a deadly disease if contracted, Short Round felt safer overall obtaining the vaccine and immunoglobulin, and spent the remainder of the trip hating all animals and wildly exagerrating the circumstances leading to this event

  

  There I was minding my own business when a gang of monkeys walked up snapping their fingers in unison. Their leader pulled out a switchblade and threatened me, while some of his henchman relieved me of my wallet. Then, under the leaders orders, they knocked me down, stripped me of my clothes and proceeded to beat and rape me. When I was left lying on the ground covered only in my shame, the leader slashed the knife across first his palm, then my wrist, spitting in the wound for good measure. As our blood mingled, he looked at me with contempt. “Ju got monkey aids now holmes” and he scampered off with my rolex glinting in the sun and covered in my tears

  The above statement is a minor exagerration of what happened as related to anyone Short Round met for the remainder of the tour.

  

  Another 5 hour drive from Jaipur to Agra, with Short Round stressed over his rabies, me intermittently vomiting from terrible indian wine, and Dr Han feeling none too fresh from his bout with Delhi Belly, and we managed to pass the time by playing more Russian Hangman, and chatting with BP, pictured above, who is truly a saint. Possible the patron saint of driving in India. He not only managed to get us to every destination without any accdients, but also showed us hidden and cheaper shops to obtain what we wanted rather than tour approved traps, and would wait around whenever we went wandering off, showing up at the EXACT moment we thought we would need him. In a city where none of us carried cell phones or could tell people apart, he was there often before we knew he was wanted. Best. Driver. Ever.

  

  Our First stop in Agra was Fatehpur Sikri. Built by Mughal Emperor Jahangir at this site because he wanted a child, and the saint who he sought advice and blessing from lived here and refused to move to his then capital. When Jahangir had a son, he was so happy, he built an additional complex for the holy man and lived at the site with him.

  

  We are sitting on a life size parcheesi court. No joke.

  

  

  This whole column in Diwan-i-khas, or the hall of private audience is made from a single piece and has 36 serpentine brackets holding it up. Why did it have to be snakes?

  

  

  We spent a long time exploring the palace grounds, wandering in and out of hallways like scooby doo and the gang

  

  Until finally, we found the perfect spot to take Hipster Album Cover #2

  

  A Brief Aside. Our guide for the single day we were in Agra is the man looking at the camera in the lower left corner of the photo. I do not remember his name. The entire time we were with him, and for many days after, we referred to him simply as “trustache” for his incredibly trustworthy mustache. As it turns out, this is an actual word, as defined by Urban Dictionary:

  A man’s mustache, fashioned in a way that causes others to trust him whole-heartedly, to an extent that he or she would put their life in the hands of the grower

  He lived up to it. The man not only was full of a ton of interesting facts about the places he took us to, but got us into the Red Fort behind him a full hour after it had closed to the public by arguing with an armed guard, based on the premise that we were tourists and who knew when we might come again so just lets us in. And it worked! Had we not been all templed out at that point, he was willing to argue us even deeper into the monument. We settled for just this photo

  

  Red Fort, Agra: Never conquered, never actually attacked. Probably because they had a tiger moat in addition to the traditional kind. Which is apparently a dry pit filled with tigers, not an actual moat with tigers swimming everywhere. Thanks trustache, for everything.

  Next Post: Taj Mahal!

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