Just in time for Halloween, we bring you our own tale of horror and madness.

Brian and I are fans of being frightened, psyched in the supernatural, titillated by the terrifying. And thus, upon learning that Ireland and Scotland are some of the most haunted countries in all of Europe, booked us up a number of ghost tours. There was the ghostdigger bus our first night in DUblin, with brief stops at kilmainham gaol, and gravediggers pub. Then there was a haunted walking tour.

Brian and I wanted to visit the Ireland location of the Hellfire club (of X-men fame for you nerds out there), a hunting lodge of high society hooligans who would perpetrate terrible dark crimes against the populace far from the watching eyes of the city. Yet the tour guides canceled the planned outing, due to a lack of interest and numbers (the two of us being the only parties). As a sop, they offered a free haunted walking tour of the city which, while equally fascinating and recommended, was not what we wanted.

Using my newly accquired gift of gab from the Blarney stone outing, I convinced the tour company to allow us to do the tour if we could find at least two more people to make it worth the companies time to run this tour. And so, armed with only our wits, charm, and a touch of chloroform, my brother and I set out to find two companions to talk nto a horror tour on the outskirts of town. 

...And we actually did it! We found two interesting girls who had never heard of this tour but wanted to check it out. So we contacted the company and made the arrangements. Only to learn the next day, the private tour arranged for us was conditional on us still havng a rental car, as no transportation was available from the company on short notice. 

We then managed to convince a taxi to hire himself privately for the night, the girls to help offset the extra cost, and the tour guide to take us all up. In summary, Brian and I managed to use our Blarney stone blessing to defeat obstacles at every step of the way and make this haunted tour happen. That, my friends, is the power of positive thinking.

And after all that, there it is. The Hellfire club

Originally there was a cairn with a prehistoric passage grave on the summit. Stones from the cairn were taken and used in the construction of Mount Pelier lodge. Shortly after completion, a storm blew the roof off. Local superstition attributed this incident to the work of the Devil, a punishment for interfering with the cairn. Since this time, Montpelier Hill has become associated with numerous paranormal events.

This reputation was further enhanced when members of the Irish Hell Fire Club, which was active in the years 1735 to 1741, began using Mount Pelier lodge as a meeting place. Numerous lurid stories of wild behaviour and debauchery as well as occult practices and demonic manifestations have become part of the local folklore. The original name of the lodge has been displaced and the building is generally known as the Hell Fire Club. When the lodge was damaged by fire, the members of the Hell Fire Club relocated down the hill to the nearby Stewards House for a brief period. This building also has a reputation for being haunted, most notably by a massive black cat

This is the sacrificial stone, upon which on several previous occasions have been found various dead animals and assorted animal parts. No such happenings on this evenings however

...Somebody always draws a dick

While exploring the house, we heard a mysterious voice coming from another part of the lodge, inviting our group to come check out something neat. Heading upstairs, we encountered a young man claiming to be a psychic, attuned to the various multitude of spirits living inside the house. He brought out his amethyst, summoned up a local ghost and we began to play a very creepy game of 20 questions

We made contact with one of the local serving women who had been murdered in the house by fire. Speaking with her made the room icy, the air oppresive, and the psychic overwhelmed. He had to step away, and into another room where we came into contact with a much more malicious spirit.

With full night setting in, our psychic on edge, and the mood getting creepier by the moment, we decided to take our leave of the house and its hauntings before something more powerful than a crystal shaking poltergeist could manifest

But did we catch any orbs in the corner? lurking ghosts watching their prey escape?

Old cigarettes, or human remains...?

As we slowly walked away from the house on silent hill, we could feel our spirits growing lighter. Though we hadnt seen any objective evidence of the undead, we had clearly felt something amiss at the house on haunted hill, and we retired to the oldest pub in dublin, the Brazen Head, to talk through the experiences we had had along the way

Incidentally, if you are ever in Dublin and looking for a scare, check out http://www.hiddendublinwalks.com/hellfire-club-gallery.php hidden dublin walks. They offer about 5 or 6 haunted tours, all of which we went on, all of which are excellent, and the staff bent over backwards to help us get the most out of the experience.

Happy Hauntings!

-J

Having gained the gift of gab and gazed upon the gardens, Brian and I hopped back into our rental car and set off in yet another compass direction, deep into county fermanagh (say that as ethnically as you can) to head to the Marble Arch Caves, one of the worlds 5 geoparks

This place was in the middle of nowhere, took 3 hours to drive round trip and was 100% totally worth it for road trip time with my brother. 

So apparently a geopark, as designated by wikipedia is A territory encompassing one or more sites of scientific importance, not only for geological reasons but also by virtue of its archaeological, ecological or cultural value....and the marble arch caves were the first such geopark in Europe

That is roughly our tour through the caves. You will note the spelunkers in a boat. splunking. speleology is fun.

Yes, Brian and I drove 1.5 hours into backwoods ireland so we could take a boat ride in a cave. Thats the kind of guys we are, and if you are shaking your head in dismay, you are clearly new to this site

The Marble arch caves are made up primarily of sandstone and limestone

I do heart me some nature time

Ooh! an entrance to the batcave, perhaps?

gratuitous celtic cross

Cave dock

The Porridge Pot formation, because it looks like...well, a lump of rock to me, but I guess if you are irish, you have some disappointing breakfast foods

This was one of my favorite formations. Its totally a little cave house on the river. Nature, you are one fine bitch

Getting photos with minimal cave lighting, not easy. Thanks for all those flashes, german tourist group!

So Brian and I enjoyed our boat ride/hike through the caves, but sadly, I have no facts for you about them, because the only availble tour group for us to join was entirely in german. Which is not a good cave language. There are lots of angry echoes. That said, we had a fantastic time despite the language barrier and spent most of the tour mentally redecorating our superhero lair. 

We are rapidly approaching the end of the Ireland part of the tour, but there are some great ghost stories and sights coming up, just in time for Halloween. I should hopefully finish documenting this 2 week trip within this month, and can get back to more regular posting in time for NaNoWriMo

Happy trails!

Top O The Morning! (One of many stereotypical Irish phrases I never heard along with "Faith and Begorrah!" and "No thanks, I'm the designated driver"). But I digress. The Next morning, top, bottom, or otherwise, Brian and I set off for the airport!...To rent a car

You see, we learned the hard way that practically nobody in Europe drives automatic. And as we dont drive stick, there were a limited number of places for us to obtain transportation to explore cork on our own. But we persevered and eventually...

Blarney Castle!

The Front looked quite daunting so we thought we might try sneaking in through the tunnels

That didnt work out so well as the prison tunnels were long, cold, and damp. No, I am going to say they were downright dank. Dreary, even.

Of course, Blarney Castle is famous for the Blarney Stone, granting the garrulous gift of gab on whatever guy or gal goes for it.

Now I dont know about you, but in my head, the Blarney stone was always some sort of seat, a flat stone kind of like a pond skipping stone, or the stone in which excalibur was held. Therefore whoever kissed it drew out the gift like the proverbial King Arthur, but with their tongue instead of their arm. I know, I was a weird kid,

As it turns out, it is set into the castle wall itself, necessitating you to hang upside down and contemplate what other bodily fluids might have come in contact with it over the years.

As the story goes, Cormac Teige McCarthy, the builder of Blarney Castle, being involved in a lawsuit, appealed to Clíodhna for her assistance. She told MacCarthy to kiss the first stone he found in the morning on his way to court, and he did so, with the result that he pleaded his case with great eloquence and won. Thus the Blarney Stone is said to impart "the ability to deceive without offending." MacCarthy then incorporated it into the parapet of the castle.

Of course, Mr P, had to pass that opportunity, being afraid of heights

We felt that while the castle was exciting, the guardrails just eliminated the thrill. There was no risk, no danger!

Hmm, this looks promising.

Turns out it was full of things rare as nightshade and hemlock, to those as common as garlic (which can act as a blood thinner)

A quick climb up the lookout tower, and we set off for the Next Post, the Druid Garden!

Another Stop on the weeklong excursion of Malaysia with my (now ex :-/) gf was Batu Caves

Rising almost 100 m above the ground, the Batu Caves temple complex consists of three main caves and a few smaller ones. The biggest, referred to as Cathedral Cave or Temple Cave, has a very high ceiling and features ornate Hindu shrines. To reach it, visitors must climb a steep flight of 272 steps.

At the base of the hill are two more cave temples, Art Gallery Cave and Museum Cave, both of which are full of Hindu statues and paintings. This complex was renovated and opened as the Cave Villa in 2008. Many of the shrines relate the story of Lord Murugans victory over the demon Soorapadam

you will note how that statue appears ginourmous no matter what distance you are from it

during the entire 272 step trip up these macaque monkeys chased us asking for food!

The entrance to temple cave

Temple cave is so called due the large number of Hindu Shrines inside.

Then after a very long walk down...

We walked along this small lake to the remaining caves

Next post...an elephant sanctuary?

With things finally calming down a bit around here, I figured it was time for me to post about the second trip of the year. On my return from India, I worked for about a month, then said eff this place and set out again for parts unknown with the gf. Due to funds and timing, we needed somewhere we could accomplish a lot in a short time for cheap...hence, MALAYSIA! Now as this is my first international trip without my usual companions, and my first international trip with a gf, not to mention the abbreviated time period, the style of travelogue and wacky photos may be a bit different than you are accustomed to. But lets welcome back Michelle, my gf, who has not been seen in a xanga travel post since June 2003, when we first went to Japan as friends. Yep, this xanga has been going for almost a decade! But on to the post

The lovely michelle, thinking about who knows what on the train into the city

Our hotel room at the sheraton kuala lumpur. (fun fact: Malaysia has 9 sultans among its 13 territories, with each of them taking turns ruling the country every so many years. Fun fact #2: the day before we left malaysia, one of the sultans was staying in our hotel! how is that for high class?)

Malaysia is predominantly a Muslim country, but just because you follow Allah doesnt mean you cant have STYLE

Central Market, a 1920's art decon indoor mall that has mostly handicrafts that can be found cheaper elsewhere throughout the city. That said, we spend a lot of time just wandering

I <3 my mini tripod

Malaysia central market at night

Jalan Petaling street in chinatown, kuala lumpur. Time to get my street food on!

Koon Kee wantan mee is chinese/malaysian? for greasy pork on oily noodles for dirt cheap and it is ungodly delicious. This was consistently rated as the number one place for char siew wantan mee by not only anthony bourdain but every old man we stopped on the street to ask for the best street food. Its in a little food court in petaling jaya

Under the baobab tree

And up to the top of petronas towers, the tallest building in the world until dubai built their sailboat hotel building thing. Be warned, they allow limited people up to the top per day, so you need to get there early to secure a ticket for an amazing view of the city

Next stop was the aquarium, where I did one of the more terrifying things of my life-cage diving with sharks. Now, yes we were in an aquarium and I was in no real danger, but I have a pretty substantian hydrophobia due to numerous attacks on my person by sea creatures as a child. So for me, the very first time to go scuba diving, this was as controlled an environment as I could get-i was 2 feet from the surface, surrounded by steel bars, and when i was not busy having panic attacks, could enjoy the sensation of seeing sea life in an almost natural habitat without what i can only assume are their usual murderous rages.

Or you could be like Michelle, and pay an extra fee to be on the same side of the cage as all the deadly sea life and swim around with it. Yes, the wo of us were on opposite sides of the cage in the same tank and both had an excellent time. Michelle was so busy following the shark that she was nearly scared out of her wits when she turned around to find this friendly fellow attempting to eat her hair.

Pirahanas. Yeah, you want adventure and excitement, head to malaysia.

Gateway to the Petronas Towers

After terrifying me to within an inch of my life, off we went to the history museum where we learned about all sorts of stuff, like how much I love trains!

Then it was back to central market for a fish massage, where tiny little pirhana (okay goldfish) nibble all the dead skin off your feet with their toothless gums, like a quick footed army of dentureless old people. People pay big bucks to go to these fish spas all around malaysia, but in cheap central market its only $7 for 10 minutes, which you will last approximately 30 seconds before breaking down into unctrollable laughter

We ended our night watching a martial arts demonstration where, yes, 6 and seven year old children were jumping through a ring of fire for our amusement.

Not bad for the first couple of days, right?

And so we come to the end of the India/Nepal Adventure. Fret Not, however, for like any good Indian tale, I leave you with a musical number

 Music courtesy of that Benny Lava video by Buffalax. 

See you soon for the next trip!

The first stop of our 2nd morning in Kathmandu was right back to the airport, this time to take a one way flight to mountain. What mountain, you ask?

Well, it wasnt this one. This is a sacred mountain no one is allowed to climb or go near

Nor was it this one, although you can see we are getting closer, because someone put up a cloud awning for us

Ah, here we go. A flight to Mount Everest

Next stop, the roof of the world

And as Short Rounds T-shirt declaims

I didnt climb Mt Everest, but I touched it with my heart.

Before I go on to regale you with the remainder of our nepal adventures, I will take a moment to say that I would love to go back to Nepal in a heartbeat, and with more time available, would totally be down to at least hike to base camp. I have some doubts about my physical ability to conquer everest, but have not yet crossed it off my bucket list. Nonetheless, even flying around it was something to behold

Next stop,  Swayambhu a large stupa, highly revered in Nepal, and one of the most sacred Buddhist sites in the country. It offers great views over the city, and no lack of monkeys

Monkey swimming pool indeed

This site is sacred and mentioned in a buddhist scripture about the origine of the katmandu Valley, which was once said to be a lake

Atop the mount are multiple small stupas, temples, and vendors of momos (tibetan dumplings filled with awesome)

Atop each of these major stupas you can see the eyes of buddha looking out at the world in all directions. The flags represent the major components of the earth, with earth, fire, wind, water, and heart. Your powers combined! haha no just kidding, there is no flag for heart

Buddha is watching you...

From one Buddhist site to another, our next stop was Boudahanth, one of the holiest sites for Buddhism in Nepal and also home to a large community of tibetan refugees

Home to the largest Stupa in the world, underneath which are said to be interred the remains of a great buddhist saint.

As the legend goes, this whole Stupa was built by an old woman and her four sons alone

And now, for no good reason, a lion with breasts! hee hee!

This way to the former royal palace. Quite a scandal took place here according to our guide. The current King was very popular, and as the legend goes, his son had fallen for a common girl. Of course, this was unacceptable, so when it was forbidden, the crown prince went out and got drunk, later returning to the party where he was said to have massacred his entire family, excepting only his uncle who was out of the country at the time. The orince then turned the gun on himself and was in a coma. His uncle assumed regency, declared the prince king for the three days he was in a coma, and when he died, his uncle assumed the throne. The nepali people have a great deal of suspicion about this however, as both the king and prince were very popular and the uncle much less so. Also, while the prince's entire family was killed, the uncle was out of town, the uncles children were the only survivors of the massacre, and the uncles wife escaped with a couple shot injuries. Mysterious indeed

Short Round is standing in the very spot where the last king of nepal, the uncle, was ever crowned. He looks quite regal. or constipated

Next to Durbar Square, center of Kathmandu, and home to the former royal palaces of the multiple kings who used to rule the Valley. There are more temples in this square than anywhere else in the city, and in a city of temples that is saying a lot. Lets take a closer look at this magnificent architecture, shall we?

Wait a tic...is that?

Oh you naughty monkeys. No wonder the city was so religious

Well after having such holy experiences, we stopped for dinner at our favorite discovered restaurant, a back alley vendor of momos, where we ate every day in Kathmandu and watched triple x with the owners. It was like being at a family dinner. 3 people at a full meal with drinks for roughly us $5. We also purchased a singing bowl, and during the process of haggling, short round asked whether or not he could eat out of it as well. If this does not seem funny to you, look up what a singing bowl is, and then you will know why I love traveling with short round.

Next stop...Pokhara and Parahawking for the final days of the trip!

Leaving Varanasi and Dr Han behind, our traveling trio traversed onward to a land of mysticism, monks and mountains. On arriving in Nepal, none of us had the required fee for a visa. Luckily, there was a handy dandy form and functionary located nearby where we could obtain legal entry and avoid me being arrested in yet another country (yes, I am an international criminal-ask me about it sometime ). Of course, as long as we were picking up our papers, it only made sense to obtain some silly snacks and snapshots. And thanks for noticing my new alliteration dictionary!

What could possibly make that tomato so naughty?

Why would you think that slogan would sell ANYTHING?

International graffiti is awesome. But Lets adjourn to the hotel, shall we?

Ah yes, the Hotel Shanker, former palace in Nepal and birthplace of some queen or other. It has many fascinating architectural features

Such as death metal dragons in cafeteria watching you nom

ridiculously large hobbit like rooms (there is more room not pictured in this photo!)

An appropriately palacial entrance with what appears to be a random jewish star off in the corner

And lest we forget, the Kunti Bar. When making a crass an inappropriate remark about things likely to be found in the Kunti Bar, such as whether any cunts were to be found within, a british matron happened to walk by and exclaim in a Mrs Doubtfire voice "Probably not. I've already written home about it" which of course sent us all off into peals of laughter. I still enjoy things in my british matron voice

This store for tobacco and spirits would not survive well in America

But let's take a stroll around town shall we?

The Katmandu Valley is known as the city of Temples

For every intersection or community has its own shrine or temple. The Durbar Square of Kathmandu is located in the old city and has heritage buildings representing four kingdoms (Kantipur, Lalitpur, Bhaktapur, Kirtipur), built over centuries The complex has 50 temples and is distributed in two quadrangles of the Durbar Square.

When the Katmandu valley was ruled by many different Kings, each one wanted to build a temple of his own to show he was more impressive and or devout than his neighbors

Lions like these guard the entrance to many of the temples

and prayer wheels carry the hopes of the faithful up to heaven

Kumari Ghar is a palace in the center of the Kathmandu city, next to the Durbar square. Kumari is the tradition of worshipping young pre-pubescent girls as manifestations of the divine female energy or devi in South Asian countries. Kumari is believed to be the bodily incarnation of the goddess Taleju until she menstruates, after which it is believed that the goddess vacates her body. No photos are allowed of this divine personage or her residence, so here is a random pigeon temple instead 

After a bit of shopping, it was starting to get late

So we picked up some dinner

Stopped by one last temple

And went home for the night to explore the sights of Kathmandu in more depth the next day 

Apologies for the long delay in posting from India/Nepal, but I have just returned from a Singapore/Malaysia/Miami Trip with my remaining vacation time from the year. So lets get cracking as we have a lot of ground left to cover

When last we left our intrepid adventurers, we had just completed an evening fire aarti in the city of Benares aka Varanasi, on the banks of the holy ganges river. The following morning, we returned to the same river, setting off at sunrise to view one of the more interesting morning commutes

Alongside every part of the riverbank are stone ghats, or docks leading down to the rivers edge for people to conduct their daily ablutions and/or business

Apparently a submarine washed up near this crematorium...when they say six feet under, they arent kidding!

Indiana Josh and the sunken temple?

Quite the busy day, no? And yet, on the other side of the river, the land remains relatively untouched

Of course, once the sun is up, people have things to do, like bathe

Or catch up on the latest gossip

or even do laundry!

After that, our guide informed us that ALL the water in Varanasi comes from the ganges river. The water we drink, bathe in, etc is all (hopefully!) purified from the river in which people are taking their morning dunks, cleaning their clothes, and disposing of their dead bodies. We are all holier and slightly smellier for the experience

Following our morning boat ride, Dr Han decided we should set off through the streets of the city to explore them by day

good thinking, Doc!

Of course, Short Round remained on the lookout for any more dangerous monkeys

At such an early Hour the streets were still mostly deserted, but things picked up as the day progressed, and we visited Indias largest university!

Hahaha, boo-b .com, institute of higher learning!

We also learned about the fine art of weaving, both by hand loom as seen on the right, and machine looms. Sadly due to the time intensive requirements of this job, very few people have the skill or inclination to learn how to make cloths and tapestries from silver thread such as those seen on the right anymore

Next and final stop in India was the Mother India Temple, a 3 dimensional topographical map of the subcontinent

and yet, no you are here locator

Despite That, here we are!

Along with a potential replacement for my longstanding Zoidberg Avatar, Dr Geeko!

With that, we bid adieu to both India and Dr Han, as he had patients to return to, and we had one more country to tackle before returning home.

Next Stop, Nepal, home to Everest, more temples, and Parahawking

Where was I? Ah Yes, the magical mystical fire aarti of varanasi

Aarti is generally performed one to five times daily, and usually at the end of a bhajan session. It is performed during almost all Hindu ceremonies and occasions. It involves the circulating of an 'Aarti plate' or 'Aarti lamp' around a person or deity and is generally accompanied by the singing of songs in praise of that deva or person (many versions exist). In doing so, the plate or lamp is supposed to acquire the power of the deity. The priest circulates the plate or lamp to all those present. They cup their down-turned hands over the flame and then raise their palms to their forehead - the purificatory blessing, passed from the deva's image to the flame, has now been passed to the devotee

Aarti is said to have descended from the Vedic concept of fire rituals, or homa. In the traditional aarti ceremony, the flower represents the earth (solidity), the water and accompanying handkerchief correspond with the water element (liquidity), the lamp or candle represents the fire component (heat), the peacock fan conveys the precious quality of air (movement), and the yak-tail fan represents the subtle form of ether (space). The incense represents a purified state of mind, and one’s "intelligence" is offered through the adherence to rules of timing and order of offerings. Thus, one’s entire existence and all facets of material creation are symbolically offered to the Lord via the aarti ceremony

When aarti is performed, the performer faces the deity of God (or divine element, e.g. Ganges river) and concentrates on the form of God by looking into the eyes of the deity to get immersed. The flame of the aarti illuminates the various parts of the deity so that the performer and onlookers may better see and concentrate on the form. Aarti is waved in circular fashion, in clockwise manner around the deity. After every circle when Aarti has reached the bottom (6-8 o' clock position), the performer waves it backwards while remaining in the bottom (4-6 o' clock position) and then continues waving it in clockwise fashion. The idea here is that aarti represents our daily activities, which revolves around God, a center of our life. Looking at God while performing aarti reminds the performer (and the attendees of the aarti) to keep God at the center of all activities and reinforces the understanding that routine worldly activities are secondary in importance

Apart from worldly activities aarti also represents one's self - thus, aarti signifies that one is peripheral to Godhead or divinity. This would keep one's ego down and help one remain humble in spite of high social and economic rank. A third commonly held understanding of the ritual is that aarti serves as a reminder to stay vigilant so that the forces of material pleasures and desires cannot overcome the individual. Just as the lighted wick provides light and chases away darkness, the vigilance of an individual can keep away the influence of the material world.

The Multiple priests/performers in the videos above are students at the religious college in Varanasi, and performing these rituals is both a community service and an exam. Throughout the performance tourists and pilgrims offer up our own small aartis or prayers, setting adrift small bowls of flowers, ghee, and the other components of aarti on floating baskets in the ganga river

The site of all those prayers being set afloat nightly is truly something magical to behold

After the ceremony, we opted to wander the streets of Varanasi a bit. Another name for the city is Benares, city of knowledge. We garnered much knowledge on our walk

We learned that the streets are hella crowded...no seriously

Just crossing the street you take your life in your hands

 And because it was so thrilling the first time, we decided to tempt fate and go back for one more round of knowledge and danger

 Having successfully tempted fate twice, we just wandered the market in search of more knowledge

like child mannequins are terrifying with their soulless eyes

And to Beware the Aquatic Association...but more on that next time in the final Varanasi, and final India post before we lose Dr Han and trek onward to Nepal