musings

  • Loss for words...

    So I am in a posting mood. But have nothing to actually post about. Dilemma.

    In fact, this brings up a very good point. I think I have lost the ability to talk to people. Non-medical people I mean. I used to be a fairly decent conversationalist, well informed on culture, politics, literature and the arts. I could razzle. I could dazzle. I could win friends and influence people.

    Flash forward to now. I am out with friends at dinner. I am on a date. I am sitting with family. I am talking to my dog. In all these situations, my conversational topics come down to the same topics

    1. So when i was on x rotation, y happened
    2. Chicago weather is cold, but i like seasons
    3. did you see latest film blockbuster
    4. have you seen latest internet sensation
    5. lets go drink

    Really, all my conversations are just permutations of those 5 topics. What happened? how can i get my sociability back?

    Fellow meddites, have you experienced this same problem? what do YOU do about it? Other readers, how do you come up with ideas on what to write about? Because right now i feel like i am at a time in my life when i am literally and figuratively at a loss for words...

  • What's your theme?

    So one of my friends is a musician. I use the term musician instead of rockstar because one, he is a much more modest guy who hasnt hit it big enough yet, and two, i dont think he does enough cocaine. Anyway, a long long time ago, the topic of theme songs came up, and he said as a gift to me for graduating med school, he would compose my own personal theme song. Something I can play every morning when i walk into the hospital. I look forward very much to that day.

    In the meantime however it got me thinking about how well themes in general would fit with the medical profession. And since i was bored, i started thinking about what different medical specialties could have as their themes. Here is what i have come up with so far

    Anesthesia-I wanna be sedated-The Ramones
    Critical Care-Don't Fear the Reaper-Blue Oyster Cult
    Dermatology-I got you under my skin- Frank Sinatra
    Psychiatry-People are Strange- The Doors

    I encourage you all to contribute to the list, lets see how large we can get it.

    In other news, according to my inbox, spammers are starting to combine the penis enlargement theme with the holidays, as in, "give her a deep dicking for XXXmas" and so forth. What a great gift. "Merry Christmas! I got you my big penis!"

    Out of curiosity I dug around in my gmail spam folder a bit and found three legitimate messages squirrelled awau in there. I labeled them "not spam" but since then gmail has been all pissy, like, "well well, look who;s the expert on bayesian filtering. Maybe you'd just like to sort your OWN email, Mr. I'm better -at-identifying-spam-than-100,000-servers."

  • A little from column A, A little from column B

    So the question today, boys and girls, is this: what is my blogging personality?

    Am I the same person online that I am in "real life". I certainly think so, at least in the sense that i dont pull any punches. But then again, there are things I can say/type online to people I have never met that I would probably not bust out on first meeting them in person. Of course, the caveat to that is you people come here, so I can only assume that you share similar thought patterns and interests if you bother to make repeat vists.

    But I digress. Every so often, i go back and reread some of my old posts to see how i have changed in terms of attitudes, writing styles, subscribers, etc. And I can safely say that from when I began blogging in 2003, i have definetly matured as a writer (though i realize applying the term "mature" to me must be done with tongue in cheek. as opposed to anywhere else. ha.)

    And yet, I still have some of the same habits I always did. I have a short attention span, i am an attention whore (though in my defense, to a degree so is anyone who maintains a blog), but i have a knack for finding out of the ordinary links and sites.

    So now that I have gone off on this whole tangent, I submit the question to you: what do you people grok of me based soley on my writing. And for those who know me in RL does that mesh up?

    ...

    With the deep thinking out of the way, lets move on to some medium thinking

    How drug reps make friends and influence people: A chart
    and the rest of the paper

    seriously, i doubt anyone is REALLY under the impression that we are not influenced by drug reps, but isnt it sad that you cant even rely on someone being friendly without trying to pull one over on you? how in the world does any physican manage to trust people at all after even a year of practice. Hell I am only in my first clinical year and I have already learned the most basic lesson of medicine is that patients lie.

    .....

    And some lighter thinking

    In a brief callback to the personality question I am a total gadget geek and slowly working my way toward status of "medblogger" I think.

    www.medgagdet.com oh man do i love this site. Newest medical advances so I can actually hold intelligent conversations with residents and attendings and occasionalyl even impress them despite not always knowing about the studies

    Also, speaking of studies, how do i get to do research like this? Haha censored space hamster porn

    .............

    And finally, a rant.

    I seriously need to start charging for my friendship. Something like from the first time we meet, you get a two week free trial period of my friendship, after which there is a monthly fee to maintain it. If you upgrade to premium membership, you can also receive such perks as introduction to my friends with free lifetime memberships, or me "being there" for you. Why do I think this system will work? well clearly my companionship is a valuable commodity, seeing as how so effing many of the women I date decide they want it.

    To elaborate. Went out on a couple dates with girl i met in the neighborhood. I am not even wasting time giving them internet pseudonyms anymore. Things seemed to be going alright, and the smack dab at the end of the 4th date, as we were walking back from lunch, she went into the whole "I am not looking for this right now" spiel. Looking for what? did you lose something? She gave a whole bunch of other excuses which to be honest I didnt really hear because I have developed a tendency to tune out one i hear one of those "it's not you its me" speeches starting. Instead, I hear Journey and other classic rock bands.

    To clarify: it is OKAY to not be attracted to someone, and not want to date them. It is ODD to not tell them this until several dates in. It is BIZARRE to expect to maintain a friendship with someone under these circumstances

    So at the end of the whole deal, she finally reached the point where I tuned back in to catch the, "but I would really like to stay friends with you" bit. And here is where I finally just had enough.

    Me: No, I don't think so.
    Her: huh?
    Me: I dont think we need to remain friends. I already have enough. I was interested in dating you, and you dont seem to think its going anywhere, so we can part ways here
    Her: Oh. well, ...erm..., okay.
    Me: It's been fun though, have a good one.

    About the only thing I did not do was walk off whistling.

    At this point, I am guessing most of my male readers are applauding, and the female ones are thinking I am a heartless bastard or something equally insulting. Well you know what? I dont particularly care. I am getting pretty tired of hearing the same platitudes over and over again. As a third year, I have limited free time, and frankly, i would rather spend it with people I have invested the time and energy in becoming close with over the years through shared experience and common interest, not developing an entirely new friendship just because some girl doesnt want to feel awkward about not being interested in me. I was not rude, I was not spiteful, I was simply being honest. And I encourage everyone else out there to be the same. Stop wasting each other's time, we all have better things to do.

  • Thoughts

    Hey, September ended. I think I was supposed to wake up some Green Day
    guy, but I don't remember. Anybody know if that's still the case?

    I needed a dose of cuteness today. And I am now going to shove it down all your throats

    And my friend apryl is engaged now, so congratulations to her, as I spread the word among "the circle" as she calls it. A bunch of my friends are getting engaged or married now, and it frankly got me thinking...

    Do ninja masters have the authority to marry people? If so, I
    want a ninja master to preside at my wedding. Hell. I want a ninja
    wedding. No bride, no groom, no officiant, no guests... then there's a
    smoke bomb and everyone appears! Three shouts! DO YOU?! HAI! HAI!
    Another smoke bomb! Then we climb the hall where the reception's gonna
    be held and break in through the skylights

    No medical stories today, i needed an internets break. hence, the puppies above

  • Smell you later

    In lieu of todays blown about the windy city feature, I saw the bourne ultimatum (awesome) and had to run errands. I was at the WalGreens buying mouthwash (which is one
    of those funny things people do. When you're a kid, Mom and Dad
    threaten to wash your mouth out with soap when you say a bad word, but
    when you're grown, you wash your mouth out with nasty-tasting stuff on
    purpose, even when you haven't done anything wrong). Anyway, I'm
    walking past the rows and rows of shampoos and soaps and toothpastes and what have you, and my eye strays to a tube of
    deodorant with a brownish label, which is just weird enough to make me
    stop and stare. Deodorant is supposed to either come in bold, manly
    colors (for guys), or pretty sparkly pastel colors (for girls). I'm not
    really sure where brown fits in on that spectrum. So I stopped and took
    a closer look, and discovered that the label was attached to a tube of vanilla chai scented deodorant.

    Now
    don't get me wrong - I like vanilla, and chai, and vanilla chai. I'm just not sure I want one in my
    underarms. Armpits should not smell like something edible. It could
    lead to all kinds of awkward situations. I'll leave that to your
    imagination, because I'm not sure either of us want to think about what
    could happen if your boyfriend/girlfriend happened to get hungry in the middle of
    the night. Makes me wonder what they'll think up next. How about
    chocolate deodorant? Or doughnut? Maybe we could get adventurous and go
    for pepperoni pizza scent, or cheeseburger and fries. That could lead
    to some awesome conversations: "Hm. Does anyone else smell pizza?" "Oh,
    that's just my armpits." I'll bet you could meet some interesting
    people that way.

    At the risk of Too Much
    Information, I'll say that the tube I own right now is axe body spray, which has yet to have women tackling me in the street. Before that I used to have some stuff claiming to be
    "Inspiration" scented. It never particularly inspired me, which is
    probably just as well. When someone came to me and asked me, "Where did
    you pull that crazy idea from?" I'd have to tell them honestly
    that it came from my armpits. That's a step up from some other body
    parts, I guess, but it still doesn't sound very good.

    -J

  • Just grow up

    *according to my friend who is a parent, islam has reached the teenage stage of its development, something like this...* QWP

    CHRISTIANITY: Islam! So help me, you're going to accept secular democracy like a responsible and mature theological tradition!

    ISLAM:
    No way, man! I don't wanna grow up to be like you. I'm gonna be true to
    myself and keep executing infidels and sinners as much as I want.

    CHRISTIANITY:
    Oh, please. I was launching crusades and running inquisitions while you
    were still in diapers. Believe me, it's gets old fast. You need to do
    the smart thing and accept a humanist approach to...

    ISLAM: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to my room. A jihad on all of you! [runs upstairs to bedroom]

    CHRISTIANITY: (sighing) Sweet Jesus. Was I really that obnoxious when I was that age?

    JUDAISM: Believe me. You were.

    [Meanwhile, at the retirement home...]

    ZOROASTRIANISM: (talking to no one) Hello? Is anyone there? Does anyone care what I think?

  • Morning thought

    Today I came to the startling realization that if a Hollywood celebrity
    visits me I don't have any narcotics or illicit substances to offer him
    or her. If someone visits, it had better be Lindsay Lohan, who would at
    least have the good social grace to arrive coked out of her head, and
    then I wouldn't feel like a bad host

    -J

  • Bad-assery

    my badass factor has gone up as of friday may 25th

    The buddha is the amida buddha from kamakura japan, seated in the lotus position. Amida is a buddha of compassion, and known for his openeness and acceptance of all people into his pure land, which you can reach by simply calling upon him. Amida is the buddha that i pray to when i am looking for guidance, patience, really any positive quality i feel i need

    The left hand (on your right) is in the Karana mudra,  the mudra which expels demons and removes obstacles such as sickness or negative thoughts. It is a hand position i use often when i am feeling stressed or overwhelmed in general. Since I am left handed, I chose to have amida's left hand make the symbol

    The right hand (on the photo left) is The Bhūmisparśa "Earth-touching" Mudrā literally represents the Buddha taking the earth as witness. It represents the moment when Buddha
    took the earth as testimony when he had resolved the problem of
    cessation of suffering while he was under the peepal tree at Bodh-Gaya. In my case, it is a constant reminder that the world is witness to all my actions and i should conduct myself accordingly

    In place of a lotus flower which would be more traditional, in the center of Amitabha's chest is a star of life, a symbol of medicine, and emergency medical services in particular. The snake on a staff in the center is for both medicine and my greek heritage, and is the rod of asclepius, father of medicine, and son of Apollo.

    So my tattoo was chosen to represent my pride in my greek heritage (my past), my belief in and desire to continue adhering to the tenets of buddhism through the choice of not only the buddha, but the mudras he exhibits (present), and my ultimate endpoint as a physician (the future)

    All three coexist in my mind and now on my body, and help to serve as a reminder of the person I was, am, and hope to be.

    -J

  • Deep thoughts

    I wonder what the burnout rate for ice cream truck drivers is. I
    mean, there must be some threshold for the number of times they can
    hear that music repeated before they just snap and go insane, y'know? I
    wonder if they have that music stuck in their heads all the time, when
    they eat dinner, when they're in the grocery store, when they shower.
    Imagine having the ice cream truck song stuck in your head during sex...

  • Self Discipline

    1) I walk down the street
     There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
    I fall in
    I am lost...I am hopeless
    It isn't my fault
    It takes me forever to find a way out

    2)I walk down the same street
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
    I pretend i dont see it
    I fall in again
    I cant believe Im in the the same place
    But it isnt my fault
    It still takes a long time to get out

    3)I walk down the same street
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
    I see it is there
    I still fall in...its a habit
    My eyes are open
    I know where I am
    It is my fault
    I get out immediately

    4)I walk down the same street
    There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
    I walk around it

    5) I walk down a different street

    I am constantly striving for self improvement (i know, i know, aren't we all). But lately it is finally starting to feel like i am making progress in some of the areas I have wanted to. I would say i am at 3) in many aspects of my life, and in a lucky few, I may have even reached 4)

    Old habits can be hard to break, but it feels great to do so

    -J