March 13, 2004

• WINNER OF THE WEEK: Hybrid Cars. I love the new hybrids. Healthier for the environment than your average gas-powered car, less gay than every electric car, but most importantly insanely efficient gas mileage! You can now tool around and only have to fill up once a week. The best hybrids at the moment are supposed to be the toyota primus, and although i am a fan of the honda, toyota’s whole line is supposed to be hybrid-ized by 2008, vans and all

  LOSER OF THE WEEK: SUV’s, or stupid, useless vehicles. The basic concept behind the SUV is that driving a car that is higher off the ground and larger than an average car makes your driving experience safer….unless of course you happen to be anyone else on the road to which if an SUV hits you, more damage, not less is done in any sort of collision. As if that wasn’t enough, SUV’s have the most technical problems of any standard consumer vehicle (Ford Exploders, anyone?), cost an insane amount of money at already sky-high gas prices to obtain absolutely no mileage whatsoever, and they flat out are not necessary for the majority of people who drive them. Who is driving the SUV, you may ask? Here are the main types of SUV drivers

  1. Rebelling Soccer Moms: The Rebelling Soccer Mom used to drive a minivan, until she was out in the hot sun at one soccer practive too many and suddenly thought that she had become her children’s age again. At this point, she began to wear too shoort clothes, apply too much make-up, and pretend that she is “hip” and “with” the latest trends. To support this not-quite-midlife crisis, she had to obtain a new vehicle that would not identify her as a *gasp* mother running errands, but instead a hot, powerful woman who is active in life outside of her chauffering career.

  2. The Tiny Asian Girl: Ever heard the phrase “size doesn’t matter”? Well as any women will tell you, it’s a lie. However, that carries a converse for women. The tiny asian girl suv owner is compensating not only for her petite stature, but also for years and years of cultural subserviance. They may have been taught that to obey everyone higher in social situations, but on the road in the automated monstrosity that is an SUV, they dominate the lanes. Anyone tryong to get ahead of these girls is in for some serious shit as there is a lot of unconscious rage being unleashed.

  3. The Spoiled Valley Girl: Like OMG, My daddykins totally promised me a new car for my b-day and I know he couldn’t possibly dream in putting me in anything other than a car that like reflects not only my societal status, but also how I go through life: totally chaotic/unpredictable, and requiring like ooodles of money to keep in good condition, lest my various pieces start to fall apart. And of course I like HAVE to have all the spiffy extras, lol *wink* like the cell phone charger, lipstick holder, and power thinking options. I mean, what if It was Jeeve’s day off, and I had to take myself to the mall? you wouldn’t want me to be like totally mortified would you?

  4. The EXTREME Mountain Dew Guy: This is probably the only one of the types that has a reason for driving an SUV, but sadly lacks the brain cells to use it. The mountain dew guy can be found with various seasonal sports equipment taking up the back of the SUV, which will always smell like sweat and gatorade no matter how many times it’s washed. You can tell the extreme mountain dew guy on the road becuase he will be zipping in and out of lanes bobbing and weaving like Muhammed Ali, or possibly Michael J Fox, with the window rolled down and linkin park blaring out of the radio as he tosses back a can of something with one hand and punching his buddies with the other while driving with his knees

  SO the moral of this week is: Don’t Drive an SUV…it makes you look like an idiot, and you are a danger to us all, not to mention the enviroment. At least, until toyota makes a hybrid SUV. Then you will just be plain old stupid

  Finals coming up next week. Too many kanji to learn and not enough time to do them. Why oh why did the Japanese have to take the chinese writing system. I am going to write the country a letter

  Dear Japan,

  what the fuck?

  Love,
  Josh

  in the meantime there will be tremendous studying which will in all probablilty not affect my blogging in the slightest. On a side note I would like to add that as I predicted, once I stopped whining and bitching, the comments and eprops stopped being posted. Grr. I don’t mind being your clown , but it’s nice to know there’s an audience out there somewhere. Help me get my xanga on the featured content…start making with the comments, peepz!

  In good news, i managed to get another copy of my comedy show on tape, with workin sound, and I may be able to get SUNY Brooklyn to accept my letters and continue evaluating me. In the meantime, back to finals and what not

  Poor Edward never made it past the first round

  -J

  “First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women”
  “and then my son, the women take they money and the power from you”

  • 10:35 pm
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