December 30, 2009

• On the brink of the new year

  I have noticed that my posting waxes and wanes with my workload, as does everyone’s. I have dropped from an almost daily posting to once a week or every two. That in itself is somewhat disappointing, but at least I have continued to leave some kind of written record for myself on a weekly basis. It helps to be able to look back and remember what I was thinking, doing, feeling a week, a month, a day ago. Am I still the same person? of course not, but seeing the decision tree that turned me into the person I have become is helpful on many levels. But enough of these maudlin musings.

  I am 6 months into being a doctor. A first year internal medicine resident. The learning curve has been steep, and the trials many. For so many years, everything I did was working toward this ultimate end, the big majestic flare of being called Dr J. So now, was it all worth it?

  Absolutely.

  I still love what I do. I am still in the learning process of the kind of doctor I want to be. In just the last half a year I have worked my way through several personas. I have been the harried, frantic, try to stay on top of everything while my life falls apart around me neurotic intern; I have been the cool as a cucumber, assess the situation and react appropriately intern; I have been the courteous and friendly tries to be chummy with all my coresidents regardless of personal opinion intern; I have been the dates the nurses on different floors and hopes it doesnt blow up in my face doc (although given my past history i dont think that last one surprised any of you).

  But when all is said and done, it’s just me. I am who I have always been, and it’s finally starting to come through in my professional mannerisms. I am a thinker, laid back who tries to proactively anticipate what may happen and counter it. I dont care for the critical care situation. I can react and keep my head in an emergency, but I have no desire to be the first doctor on the scene jamming my hands into someones chest, getting covered in blood and drama when the code goes off. No, I would rather be the person who comes in the next day, notes that you had “quite a scare there, eh?” and then jokes around a bit to put you at ease and finally lectures/teaches you about keeping to the doctors orders so it doesnt happen again.

  I haven’t put up too many patient stories for you lately, not because I still dont find people fascinating, but because I have been so busy that sometimes I dont want to talk shop when I get home, even if its just to lay it out on the internet for myself and whoever is still around here.

  I havent put up comics, not because I dont find them and think they’re funny, but because I am involved in 2 research projects, studying for step 3 and a significant amount of patient care.

  So here is my new years resolution to you xanga readers. I have been neglecting both you and myself for too long in terms of documenting what the journey is like for a young resident. Beginning in 2010, I will update once a week-I cant promise it will always be medically related, but it will remind me to take a breather every now and again, to step back and review myself, my goals, and where I am going based on where I have been. Those of you who still comment, thanks, i look forward to talking with you again. The rest of you, enjoy reading if you just stopped by, hopefully i can make this a fun place to be again

  until the new year!

  -Dr J

  • 8:08 pm
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