August 9, 2011

• The Dangers of Sandwiches

  “I started feeling the pain right after I ate lunch. So I think it was the sandwich.”

  “You had a significant heart attack. The fact that you were eating a sandwich just prior is a coincidence.”

  “Well, I think the sandwich caused it.”

  “You have a completely blocked vessel leading to your left ventricle.”

  “It’s the sandwich.”

  “The sandwich is not blocking your vessel.”

  “What if I didn’t chew it completely?”

  “Food doesn’t get swallowed into your blood vessels. There’s medication we can give you to help your heart, but I need you to understand, this is a problem that’s been building over the course of years.”

  “I did not have a problem until I ate the sandwich.”

  “You didn’t have any symptoms, but the blockage was building. Your heart was not in good shape– and now, post-event, it’s in worse shape. Which is why we need to start you on medication.”

  “I don’t care what you say, it was caused by the sandwich.”

  “That’s fine if you think it was caused by the sandwich. Even if it was, it doesn’t change what we have to do going forward. You need to change your diet–”

  “Of course. No more sandwiches.”

  “Well, it’s more than that.”

  “No– it’s the sandwich.”

  “Fine. No more sandwiches. Your heart attack was caused by a sandwich. And I’m writing you a prescription for three anti-sandwich pills that will help counter the effects of past sandwiches.”

  “But if I don’t eat anymore sandwiches, I shouldn’t take the pills?”

  “No, you need to take the pills either way.”

  …

  “Then how is this helping with the sandwich problem?”

  • 4:44 pm
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